In a Demo Game of Shadowrun 4th Ed at a Convention:

Other Player: "Aw man... I'm a TROLL! Over three metres tall! How am I going to fit in?"

GM: "Dude. You're a Troll! Just like the four other Trolls on the corner!"

Me: "Yep, smoking a Doobie the size of an Elf's forearm."

Questions from a new GM.

1) Serenity: Why do they call you Sabosect?

Sabosect: It's short for Sabotage Section. My old DnD group used to accidentally blow up cities, and thus earned the nickname.

Serenity: And how does that affect us?

Sabosect: Ya know Arkham Crater, in the Barrens? In a previous game, that was the Seattle Waste Processing Center. My sammie, named Arkham, got too friendly with a missile launcher there.

Serenity: Okay, you're no longer allowed to play street sams. I hear deckers are a good choice this year.

Sabosect: Well, I have an interesting story about that...

Serenity: Please stop before I make you play a face.

2) Serenity: Why do you have a table of weights? And why does it list how much a chandelier can hold?

Obscura Maxima: We sometimes like to get a little drunk.

Serenity: A little? Your summaries from six months ago read like an advertisement for Alcoholics Anonymous.

3) Serenity: Sab, what is wrong with your notes? I can't figure out these strange symbols.

Sabosect: Oh, that's D'ni. Just numbers. I find it easier to use that system.

Serenity: I can read D'ni. I meant the rest of the notes.

Sabosect: Oh, that's Klingon. The previous GM taught it to me.

Serenity: What kind of idiot writes notes in two fictional languages?

Sabosect: The kind of idiot in charge of tonight's run.

Serenity: I'll shut up now.

4) Serenity: Sab, why are your Dumpshock posts so unlike the real you?

Sabosect: Because I let Ob feed me ideas on what to post.

Serenity: Why?

Sabosect: Imagine the look on people's faces when they realize the Village Idiot may actually be smarter than they are.

Serenity: You are a cruel, cruel person.

Sabosect: I work very hard at it.
Serenity

During character creation:

PC:So I was putting in all the stuff i wanted into this car, and it looked pretty cool in the end.
other PC: "looking at car" You have a full rigger module in your car? how big is it?
PC: uhhhhhhhhhh. (first PC didn't read the descriptions of items before adding them)
Brex

Dr Patterson to Krass, "Krass you need to keep your political roadshow OUT of my hospital and stop trying to make out with the nurses. You don't have the tool for it until I complete the operation."

Krass, "What the hell do you know about tools? I can satisfy any woman just by looking at them."

Dr Patterson," I saw a forty foot wrench once. It was the biggest 'tool' I had ever seen until I met you."

Krass, "Thats weird because one time I saw this forty foot tall wench, and that was the biggest whore I ever saw till I met Eon. She was your mother, perhaps?"

Dr. Patterson glares, "That does it, you get all male nurses and it's going to take an extra month to get your replacement. I'll tack it onto your bill. Who's laughing now dickless." He leaves.

Krass, to himself with a smile, "It was worth it just to see the look on his face."
The Great Krass

Edmund: Where the hell have you been?
Jim Jim(Coming in the door): I've been to a pub. Been bashed by a gang of lesbians, I was shafted with this nine iron here, and then wrapped in a chastity belt before they tipped the black panel van and painted it pink.
Edmund: The usual huh?


jack (jacklives_here@beer.com) Aireys Inlet, Australia

(I was GMing at a convention, it was toward the end of the game, and we all wanted to destroy Nathan, the Uber-munchkin who joined at the last minute -- the guy who jumps from street level into third-story window, uses high-level grenade to subdue sleeping guard, etc. Just before turning on the other PCs for his own advantage, he pulled me aside and told me that his neurals were recording everything, and would be sent to a news source if he died, who would immediately broadcast it -- effectively ending the shadowrunning careers of the others. I was duty-bound not to tell the others this, but my friends and I had been gaming together long enough to read each others' nonverbals . . .)

Me: Okay, you killed the bad guys and subdued Nathan the traitor -- he's lying there unconscious.

Schap: I put my gun to his forehead and pull the trigger.

Me (casually): You put your gun to his forehead and pull the trigger?

(long pause)

Schap: On second thought, I'll just destroy all his cyber-hardware and do enough damage to leave him comatose for a couple years.

(He did, and I WROTE IT IN INK on Nathan's character sheet. He had no clue. It was beautiful.)
Scott Livgren

From the Proboards:

As Krass put it recently to Eon, "You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. So through all the things that came to pass our love has grown. . . and so's your ass. "

No word yet if he survived past that point. God must love stupid people, he made so freakin' many of them. I, however, have only some slight words of wisdom to offer my friend Mao, "Never shoot a fat guy standing on the stairs above you. Especially if it is Widow."

KurgGM: "For your troubles, as promised, White Star Lines gives you
10000 brand new Japanese yen for your rescue of the Titanic II. This
translates to roughly 100¥."
Player1: (OOC) "You're having too much fun at our expense."
Player2: (OOC) "Yeah, really."
KurgGM: (OOC to Player2) "I told you I use fate points. Next time don't
shoot the crew members."

\Kurgan\

Krass is talking to JoAnne about Drassel. "I just don't get it. Just when I think I have Drassel figured out as the dumbest thing in the Universe he says something almost startling in it's insight. How can such a stupid idiot be such a SMARTASS?"
The Great Krass

(after team finishes looting bodies)
Nameless (a pyromaniatic sniper): I shoot the dead dwarf in the head (at the time, we did not know about the cortex bomb he had
GM: (with evil grin) are you sure?
Everyone in party: NO!!!!!
Nameless: yes
(at this point, I grab nameless, handcuff him and drag him away. Meanwhile, Xellross finds a taser that the gm said appeared from nowhere. one minute later there is an explosion of a cortex bomb. everyone in the party stares at Nameless with an angry e
















xpression, Psyko pulls out a gun and points it at Nameless)
Psykoguy: YOU WANTED TO SHOOT THE DWARF IN THE HEAD!?!?!?!?
Psykoguy

The party is providing security in the british embassy. Knowing our GM we are expecting trouble. Grim Rage(Troll Sammy) is carrying his Panther Assault cannon when the band brandishes weapons. As the fight continues..
Grim Rage: I fire at the left most band member.
GM: Roll (sounds of dice rolling)
Morgana: Yachtzee! (as the roll shows all ones)
Party: Groans.
GM: (Quick calculation) thats 396D at ground zero, reduced 10/meter from there. Ensuing blast with secondary explossions levels the entire embassy killing nearly everyone save those that can buy two success's to remain alive! So Who is still among the living?

Morgana

Drassel to Ronilion, "The last time I played golf with Krass he hit a birdie – and an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark ..."
The Great Krass

Eon to Patterson, "If I find Krass I'm going to run him headfirst into a trash compactor."

Patterson, "You really should not pick on Krass so much. He is the way he is due to a serious medical condition. He can't help it and we are doing everything we can to find him a cure to make him normal."

Eon curious, "What medical condition are you talking about?"

Patterson, " Krass had a terrible childhood. He is probably the only guy in history who was once bitten by the Tooth Fairy."

Eon grimly eyes the doctor, "That's because he most likely tried to molest her."
The Great Krass

PA:"Oh, fun. Another job to get us potentially killed."
Party Animal, Coyote Shaman

Party Animal

Silver is introducing her friend "Titan" to the new member of their team, a mean lookin' troll mercenary who smokes a pugnent cigar.
Troll: Titan, eh? He don't look so big to me! I seen plenty'er biger humans than 'im.
Silver: He's a Dwarf
Troll: ...oh
Silver & Titan

Setup: The completely useless human elf poser character after failing fast talk after getting caught in an upscale country club.
GM: Lone Star arrives and escorts you outside to the cruiser.
Poser: But I "AM" a member.
GM: Lone Star handcuffs you and places you in the back seat of the cruiser and closes the door.
Poser: (OOC), Ok, screw this, I ATTACK.
GM: (OOC) What are you going to do, kick at the Plexiglass partition?
Speedie

OOC: Luddington to Krass, "You think your clue was bad? Look what I got."

GM: Luddington has tuned into the Vatican channel in search of information. The first item of note is; "Bionic groundhog attacks dogs, men. Described as 'A Stephen King Version of CaddyShack'."

OOC: Patterson, "The scary part is if he gives you that clue it relates. Now we have to figure out how to connect the groundhog with the prostitute ball-handlers, the FARK U group and the lost magical tomes."
The Great Krass

After getting probed prodded, sampled, beaten shot and burned rescuing a baby from a secret lab, Kane(vampire ghoul) finally meets back up with his team tired as hell. The baby is dual natured and a bit on the silent side, until they reach the get away boat.
Joker: "What's happening to the kid?"
The child wriggles, writhes and eventually levitates out of Kane's grasp before exploding into a full grown greater dragon. Flying off into the sunset.
Jim; "You don't see that everyday."
Joker;"You okay Kane?"
"Yeah." Wiping a tear from his eye. "They just grow up so fast."
SlapTback

Luddington dejectedly to Ronilion, "I hate this world. You have to kiss a lot of hoop and if you're a good toady they might give you a toothbrush so you can get the taste of the DREK out of you're mouth!"
The Great Krass

"Ya, I need a roommate. You can sleep on tha floor. Just mind the pentagram"
(German devotee of the Great Horned One)
Gunther

GM: "OK, Krass after a night of drinking, and partying has woken up almost naked on the street. Several of the local citizens appear amused and a tourist is taking holo pictures to sell to the press later."

Krass, "Almost? Do I have any recollection of what happened."

GM: "No, not at this time. You just KNOW it was one really degenerate party. Certainly one for the record books. As for the ALMOST, the only thing you have is some chicken feathers up your hoop." chuckles

Krass smiles, "Dammit EON! I'll get you for this."

Eon laughs evilly.

GM, "I see your memory of events has started to return."
The Great Krass

Our team had been sent up to the artic to extract someone who might have been part of Echo Mirage.
Shiv (my char, a former street rat, adept) I think we've been sent to hell.
Gazpacho (one of the two resident gun bunnies) I thought hell was warm.
Sledgehammer (resident decker) Not when you're from Georgia.
Reika

Magi to Cebad: I dont wanna go in there!

Cebad: Why not?

Magi: 'Cause when I went to check out the building astrally the dog tried to eat me!

Cebad: You wuss.
DeadMaker

Ragnar (after killing two shop keepers) sits at a house, puts his helmet in front of him and writes on a paper: "Need money for my psychologist!!!
(Actually he DID get three Nuyen for that (and Karma too))
Trickster

The Great Krass:

Talking Head Newscaster: "Today the top Mayor of Seattle said in October that he would relinquish his personalized license plates after state officials threatened to investigate several complaints about them. Mayor Devlin Krass said his FOAD1 plate stood for "Freedom Offers Americans Democracy" (No. 1 priority) (instead of what some understood to be "(word omitted) Off And Die") and his HMFIC stood for "Helping My Farmers Increase Crops" (instead of what some understood to be "Head Mother (word omitted) In Charge").

Krass to Dr. Patterson, "I have proof that Luddington is two bubbles short of a bath."

Patterson, "Oh? How so?"

Krass, "I asked him if his truck had four wheel drive. He gave me that deer-in-the-headlights stare and said he had five if you count the spare tire."

Patterson, "Everyone is picking up the 'Drassel Disease'."
The Great Krass

Eon let's Krass know he has a visitor, "Mr. Krass, the IRS is here to see you about you taxes. They say you have been doing SIN-less work on the side and haven't reported it."

Krass replied, "Why is it that on every 15th of April I have a rondevous with debt? 100 years ago I could purchase a car for 2,000 and now it's the fragging sales tax!"
The Great Krass

Eon, still trying to pull the group together, “My life sucks!”

Krass, “Your life sucks because you suck, and you have bad karma. It must be all those guys you’ve said ‘No’ to. They’re all cursing you for not putting out.”

Eon glared back and then spoke cattily, “You know Krass, I’d listen more closely to what you have to say, but I keep getting distracted by all the flying diarrhea.”

Krass shrugged, “OK then don’t ask me, ask your lover—Satan.”

The Great Krass

Cloak (Dark One Phys Ad.): Forget about the flavor text, what are their charisma ratings?
*The group was just asked to bodyguard a Miss World contestant until the pagent.
Gabriel

GM: As you know, this is going to be our standard Christmas run. However, unknown to all of you, I decided to let Morrigana run this one. Before I turn it over to her, are there any equipment purchases you'd like to make?

Flakback: Yeah. What's the price on tactical nukes these days? We may need a few in this run.

"Psychobitch!" - Twitch, our shaman, upon hearing the all-too-familiar Irish brogue of the world class mage who (we thought) had sent us back in time. Twitch doesn't like being outclassed by that much mojo.
Mendon

"Yes, I'm crazy. Deal with it."

Party Animal's personal motto.
Party Animal

As my "companion" Mr Johnson has said maybe i do put things in the most favourable light. But hey you have to be an optimist when your an incompetant mage!
The Dark Uncle

Harpin (explaining to Heart why he failed in his task)looked irritated as Rahvin and Twiggs smirked. “It wasn’t my fault! They got me drunk on Livyanu rum and I woke up the next day with her in bed lying on my arm. I considered chewing the arm off because she was so UGLY but I didn’t want to take the chance of waking her up. She looked OK at three in the morning but changed fast at sunrise.” He stated ruefully.

Twiggs snickered, “Yeah, we watched her eating that whole chicken while you were getting pie eyed. The grease running down her face was enough to make a maggot gag. We just knew it would be instant love. I hear she's still trying to find you and claims that you both got married during your drunken spree. Now that’s some family problems. I hear troll females have a tendency to eat their husbands during the pregnancy.”

Rahvin snickered. "Sounds like a case of coyote love to me."

Harpin his mouth opened looked stunned and yes even fearful.


Diamond

WHAT??!!! A panther Cannon to the back of the head You are kidding? (Said by my now late street sami Jaz)
Jaz

The Speed Limit of Sex!

Eon to Krass, "And you don't dare go 70 because if you make one slip your in the drek!"
The Great Krass

GM: "OK Krass, you're testing out your new Lincoln/Cadillac/Hummer. You come to a red light and stop and a hobo comes up and starts washing the windows with dirty water and a ragged brush. He then sticks his hat with quite a bit of NuYen in change in it out to you."

Krass, "I roll down the window, showing a 50 NuYen bill and when he sticks his hat in through the window I raise the window up quick and take the money. I then tell him he did such a piss poor job that I am using it to get my new car washed and to get his scruffy hoop out of here. I then take off."

OOC: GM, "Did you roll down the window before you dashed off?"

Krass, smiling, "OOOPS! OK, I am not cruel, when I get to 50 km per hour I'll let him go."

OOC: GM, "Krass that's about 30 mph, the fastest man in the world (uncybered) only runs at 25 mph last I heard. I don't think a hobo could afford a lot of cyber gear."

Krass, smiling, "OOOPS! OK, I'll try to find something nice and soft for him to land in."

OOC: GM, "On a city street? Let's see now it doesn't take long for your souped up car to get to 50 KPH so you are dragging the poor bastard down the road, after robbing him and you are looking for a soft spot to dump him in. Now are you dumping him at 50 or waiting?"

Krass, "This is getting complex. I'll get back to you after I get to city hall."

OOC: GM, "I'm glad your not a cruel man."
The Great Krass

Dodger: I'm taking the inflatable woman with the cheerio-shaped mouth and lashing her to the front of the blimp as a masthead.

Krass to Luddington, "I told Eon, I'd marry her in the morning but I wanted the honeymoon tonight. She pitched me into a dumpster."

Luddington to Krass, "We in the Church know sins can be forgiven but stupid is forever, Krass.
The Great Krass

Dr. Patterson to Krass, "Persons with altered mental states as a result of chip or drug use are considered "pharmaceutically gifted in my hospital."
The Great Krass

The sitation: I was helping my brother set up his character for an SR game my friend and I were running. We eventually did, and after first marvelling about this:

(Me) OK, you've got all this weaponry, and... NO FIREARMS SKILLS TO GO WITH THEM?!?!
(Frank) ...uh...

We ended up trying to have a 'You Have A New Team Member' RP before what ended up turning into our last run. My character (the rigger of the group) was driving everyone towards a used car lot in order to get something that wouldn't link us to this op. My other two teammates (an elf sammy and an elf mage with a severe racist streak towards orks) were sitting in the back.

(Me [rigger]) What the??
(Frank's ork samurai is seen a short distance away, flipping the van off.)
(I narrow my eyes, and put the van into reverse, dropping the back right window enough so the ork can see the barrel of a tricked-out Predator II pointing right at him.)
(GM) [oocly laughing his ass off, icly as the elf samurai] You don't need that, do you?

Needless to say, we decided, even before we got the preliminary run preparations complete, having to blow karma to Hand of God for Frank. Who didn't get armor when he created his character, mind you.
Zhihd Amigh

Dark, mysterious, abandonned crypt in Transylvania, PCs are protecting unlicenced archeologists investigating Dracula legend.
GM: The rusty door creaks open, a waft of musty, stinking air blows in, a silhouette takes shape. The figure is dressed in black. Your lanterns glint on the ivory of two pointed teeth.
Redbrick (a dwarf who's name says it all): What?! An ork down here?
Time

Luddington to Ronilion, "The more I deal with this company the more uncertain I become as to which person is the greatest sinner and promoter of evil. Krass is bad and pretty obvious but Drassel is worse in his own sneaky way."

Ronilion laughs, "You are looking at the tip of iceberg."

Luddington confused, "I am not sure I understand."

Ronilion smiles, "You sir are incredably nieve, which is why we keep you around. We're all wolves here. They don't call it Krass, Drassel and Associates for nothing. Who would have thought it, an HONEST Priest."
The Great Krass

Krass walks into the office with a cat sitting backwatd on his shoulder. Spying JoAnne and Eon he points at the cat's ass and say's in his best pirate voice, "This here be my one eyed parrot!"
The Great Krass

Drassel looks at Luddington, "Have you ever heard of a sin tax? I have a client who states his church tossed him out becuase of the sin tax."

Luddington in disgust, "Not Sin Tax, Mr. Drassel, SYNTAX! Your client was probably cursing in church."
The Great Krass

set-up: the team, after sucessfully taking down a mark(it was a wet-work job) was berated buy the Johnson for not finishing the job completely, I.E. there were still remains. So in an honest attempt to complete the job, the team went to the funeral home where services were being held....

Widow: Did you know my husband well?
Stryker(merc): Oh yes, he was a business associate of mine. Things were great until he failed to uphold his end of the bargain.
Widow: He failed to uphold his end? whatever was he supposed to do?
Stryker: now don't you worry about it. We always make sure to cover our bases.

Legion(Orc Streetsam): Sir I think we should be going, we don't want to be too early for our next appointment.

Mourner: (as the team is leaving) what's all this putty doing in the casket?

the resulting effect blew up half of the building.
Wraith

Judas (the gang-slaughtering Street Samurai) explaining to Milo (the midget elven Detective/Gigalo/Street Samuari) why he shouldn't break Seefa's (the former corporate companion (read: hoochie) turned shadowrunner)heart.

Judas: "Yeah, I was there for that girl's first kill. She shot that fragin' troll right between the eyes! She's like a sista to me...A sister that let you touch her goodies."
The SuperFly

Drassel speaking to the reporters, "For seven and a half years I've worked alongside Mayor Krass. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex...uh...setbacks."
The Great Krass

Pheonix the Troll Mage has gone to a Pet store with the rest of the group to buy a tank to put this underwater blob creature in and is being helped by the sales lady to find the right one.
NPC Sales Lady: This tank is our top of the line and has sides hard enough to withstand a shot from a Predator point blank.
Lex (Human Combat Mage): Really (Starts to reach for his gun)
Pheonix (Quickly interupting): Ahem (Glares at Lex) I don't think we need anything that sturdy it's a small fish about so in size. (holds up his hands)
Sales Lady: Oh well then how about this tank it's nowhere near as sturdy but it's a good size and affordable at 80 nuyen.
Pheonix: Have you got anything more durable... I tend to be a little... clumsy.
Sales lady looks at Him: How about this tank over here...
Dandemented

Ronilion to Eon, "I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for not operating on Krass. He is after all one of the group."

Eon looked at the Ronilion grimly, "I didn't stop for that reason. It was just that I realized if I had made him any dumber I would have been the one that would have had to water him twice a week."
The Great Krass