Meanwhile, Bob walks out of the room and, after a minute or two, back in. Followed by an unknown gentleman.
Bob: "Boss, Bob is here!"
GM, in a private conversation: "This is so confusing. I love it!"

Scoot

Shadowrun Proboards:

When being arrested by the Star Pelch Gobwit keeps a positive attitude.

At least if I get hoop fragged in the joint it will put some color in my cheeks.....both sets.

SR4: Flying a Doc Wagon helicopter Northbound along a road:
<+Scoot_Braun> @@Everett Yards, Life Guard 1168: Any chance your gate guards could fire upon the motorcycles chasing our client?@@
I roll 1 Success on a persuasion roll
@@ Normally we arnt allowed to expend resources on unauthorized projects... @@ The voice says then turns out while the delivery truck speeds past the gate. Just as the three remaining motorcycles are passing two large turrets suddenly emerge from the ground and hose them down with gunfire leaving the road soaked with gore and dented metal.
@@ Did you see that?! They came right at us!! @@ the comm says and one of the guards standing by the gate gives a thumbs up to crankshaft (The ground driver) as he speeds through the mess.
@@Everett Yards, it was just horrible how those bikers tried to storm the gates. Nice Shooting. Life Guard 1168 Out.@@

Player is making a new character. Third had just died due to yet another explosion caused by another player.

PC: "It is not my fault I keep becoming a crater!"

Twink: Hey, how DO you throw a knife properly?

GM: Well despite popular belief you throw it by the blade, if you throw it by the hilt it would spin too much, by the blade and it will only spin once.

Twink: Yknow what? Im just gonna throw a crowbar.

were delivering a message to the mob. We meet up for the second check point and then our werebear looks at his watch and says "we have 20 minutes, the drive should take 10" I shouted out "theres too many strip clubs between us and there! We will never make it!

We are in a firefight at the time and one of the magicians cast orgy and gets enough hits to overpower every enemy

OOC, Twinkle Toes: Talk about sexual assault (Everyone laughs)

Our idiot Street sammy runs in and GM tells him to resist the spell

GM: Roll your charisma and willpower

Twinkle toes: I thought charisma is how you start the orgy, not resist it (Everyone laughs again)

-Twinkle Toes

The group was trying to get to a child being held hostage by several mercenaries were outside the building and we planned to throw an EMP into a small hole we lifted the kid out of, we run about 10 meters back (33 feet) and a street sammy throws the EMP but fumbles his roll and throws it 3 meters away, were loaded with electronics and so one of our members who is very god like rolls her acrobatics, throwing getting 10, 7 and it was like watching the matrix. The street sammy gets depressed and everyone is yelling at him for fumbling and I chime in with :"You guys DO know those things have timers, right?"

-Twinkle Toes

Jesse, a female troll talking to me about a gay elf

Jesse: Please Twink just give him a chance?

Twink: No! Gay guys are a pain in my arse!

-Twinkle Toes

I was playing a rigger at the time who just hit a dog doing well over 90 mph in my dream car.

Placing a call to the teams Street Shaman

Me: "Hey, what was your totem animal again?"
Shaman: "Um... Dog why?"
Me: "Throw in a good word to your mentor spirit for me k?"

Click

ArrowSparrow

After a long interrogation of a captured security guard, the usually sweetest and calmest female member of our party playing the Elf Decker suggests we cut the guys head off.

"The idea of torture is to get him to talk... not to kill him." - Human Mage

....Moment of silence and stares....

"Then we threaten to cut his head off?" Elf Decker

"Right!" Human Mage

Said during the ensuing firefight when corporate assassins (sent by the megacorp the team just finished a run against) burst into the runners hideout, guns blazing:

Chrome (Elven combat decker): What the frag are assassins doing here?

Crusher (Troll weapons specialist): Do you *seriously* not know the answer to that?!

Your sneers tell me that you do not appreciate pure science. Do not question the morality of my work. Ask yourself this how would you see had not someone like myself invented cybereyes.


- Tesla , Renegade Scientist

In the same play by post game I posted the quote from a few years ago (when the team was working for Ghostwalker and encountered the evil tree things), we finally found a way to get back to our own time. We get sent back only to find that the "present" we are in is dramatically different from the normal world of 2060. We are also all separated from each other, though still in contact via communicator.

So my psionicist, Rebo, finds himself alone in this strange world, looking around at what he has found himself in. So he says the only thing I could think of in a situation like this.

Rebo: "YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!"

...and nearly blowing out the eardrums of every team member who caught that incredibly loud diatribe over the communicators.

-Helios

Not really a quote per se, but it got a laugh out of the players:

Running the "Food Fight 4.0" scenario for my new players, the team hacker decided to infiltrate the Matrix host of Alliance Designs. Not expecting this, and with the Food Fight rules not providing stats for the Matrix host, I had to improvise.

So the hacker (whose icon is a plain, black-clothed ninja) enters the host, and I roll for a random encounter. Sure enough, an IC comes along, in persona form of a pet robodog. I roll the ICs Analyze program.

Critical glitch.

So I decide to have some fun with it:

Me (GM, to the hacker): "You see the robodog sniff into the air, as if it has detected something. Suddenly, the dog turns around and starts running at another icon in the distance, barking menacingly at it and pouncing on it. Seconds later, you see the icon fade out as the security hacker jacks out to avoid being damaged by his own IC."

Describing the scene for a mage who has just mind probed a troll with Logic and Intuition ratings of 1 each:

Me (GM): "Ok, you enter the trolls mind. There is a lot of empty space here..."

Helios

Brought to you by: theshadowrun.proboards7.com

(this was an outside of the website campaign hosted by my brother and played with myself and some friends)

::Scenario:: An awakened child is kidnapped by a group of thugs, Jayden, who is part vampire, and his crew are sent to rescue the child.. The kidnappers were to meet at a bar called the Eager Beaver which is where the next part takes place::

GM: You see the group of thugs and 2 priests huddled at a table in the dark corner of the room, the 2 priests seem to be attempting to conceal the boy in their robes and are looking nervously around them. The room is pretty full of people and meta humans walking back and forth, they do not appear to see you or the group.

Jayden: I would like to walk up to the table and use an agility feat to jump onto the top of the table and come to rest indian style on the table.

Shadowtank: [ooc] someone watched "The Crow" before they came to play today. [in game] I may not have my weapons but I have my strength, im gonna walk with him but not close enough to be "together"

Soulfer: im gonna sit at the nearest table and appear to be watching the show on stage

GM: Roll inits

Jayden: YES!! 24 (after rolling 3d6+6 for init)

GM: ok, make an acrobatics test to perform your action

Jayden: im gonna use some dicepool on this.. I want it to be amazing

[rolls 7 dice, six 1 and one 2]

GM: You trip on your own foot falling face first into the table which causes it to flip up in the air and come to rest on top of you, needless to say the thugs and priests are quite amazed at what they just saw..

Jayden: .........

Scenario: Players assaulting fortified office on the 42nd floor of a high rise.
GM: You've knocked the guard unconscious.
Player1 [to Group]: Alright, what should we do?
Player2: We should kill him.
Player2 points his sidearm at the guard.
Player1: We can't, if they know we're here it's all over.
Player3 [to GM]: Is Player2 able to open the elevator door?
GM: Uh, yeah.
Player1 [to Player3]: What are you doing?
Player2 [to GM]: Yeah, I'll open the door.
GM: The elevator door slides open, revealing the empty shaft.
Player1: We need to talk about this!
Player3 [to Group]: It doesn't matter.. he's unconscious and he's going for a ride.
Player3 throws the Unconscious Guard down the elevator shaft.

[At the end of Player Creation]
GM: You've got a couple thousand credits for gear.
Player1: I'd like 2 detonators.
GM: You don't have the explosive skill.
Player1: My idea was to use them to add to my negotiation skill.
GM: Dare I ask how?
Player1 raises his arm and clasps an invisible detonator: "I've wired this building to explode."
GM: Alright. Why two?
Player 1 raises his other arm: "I've wired this building to explode ... and your wife!"

GM: Okay, now that you're ready, I'm turning it over and taking over her character. Morri, you're the GM now.

Morrigana: GM? I'm in charge? The power... The power... I FEEL THE POWER! Mwahahahahahahahaha!

GM: *sighs* Someone taser Morri and reset her, please?

I want to stick my head out the window to see if the car is invisible
Says Mal, Whilst diving through a narrow tunnel

(spoken while setting down his Baseball Bat)

Trusty: "Well excuse me for not knowing that here in the civilized world we negotiate with guns."

(upon character creation)

Torque: "I know ill be incompitent...."

Trusty: "Yeh be incompitent in bows and crossbows like me!"

Torque: "Only problem is that damn Notoriety."

Trusty: "Well look at it this way, people should know that if were left alone in a room together with nothing but a couple bows and some arrows were FRAGGED"

Lifestyle: Street

Location: My Van

GM: As you know, this is going to be our standard Christmas run. However, unknown to all of you, I decided to let Morrigana run this one. Before I turn it over to her, are there any equipment purchases you'd like to make?

Flakback: Yeah. What's the price on tactical nukes these days? We may need a few in this run.

The run has taken us to the basement of a satanic church, after just killing a changling child we found the dog shaman that we had been sent to rescue.

Dr. Tran (a cybered dwarf doctor): I throw her over my shoulder and start walking.
GM: her body is 2 your strength is 6 so no problem
Gman (phys adept): Just don't squeeze the shaman.

The Great Krass:

Mao wandered out into the common area to grab some breakfast. He wass dressed in a brand new Bill Blasted suit jacket that he had found in his room. He was wearing a business mans hat, very expensive and comfortable and best of all ARMORED. He shaped it like a cowboy hat. Unfortunately he didn't like the tie or dress shoes that were with the suit, so he was still wearing his Mock Death Ranger Boots and a shirt that stated, 'The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy." Mao liked the red color of the shirt with the white lettering. The pants were loose and comfortable.

The Great Krass:

"I thought Patterson was a quack but remind me never to get sick when Mao is around."

Mao looked at Headcrack who seemed to be recovering. somewhat, but still looked weak and pale. He handed the orc a towel and then a robe and helped him into the medical room. Once he had him safely in one of the Medical beds Mao began to work. He touched several pressure points and then took out a bowl and poured some strange smelling oil in it from a flask. Headcrack watched as Mao set the bowl on fire.

Mao was fast. Headcrack was surprised and stunned. Mao placed his hand in the fire and lifted some of the oil into a cup and slammed the cup into the orc's chest. It was done so fast the cup was suctioned to the orc's chest. Headcrack could smell hair burning. Even as the pain hit Mao did this with two more cups! Headcrack howling in pain tried to remove one of the burning cups but Mao slapped his hand aside. Mao again placed his hand in the fire and covered his hand in flaming oil and began to vigorously rub the orc's chest, back and sides with the flaming hot oil!

Hair burned. Headcrack howled more in surprise than pain. Headcrack was sure the pain would come later. He tried to avoid Mao but Mao, unsurprised by the reaction, had no trouble continuing his procedure. Suddenly Mao took his flaming fingers and poked Headcrack in several places and then quickly pulled the cups off the orcs chest. Headcrack looked for something to hit Mao with and then he looked for his gun. Nothing was readily available. Mao smiled calmly.

Mao took out his wooden case and opened it. He held up a large gleaming needle and looked at Headcrack like he was a bug about to be pinned to a board. Mao smiled.

Widow and Freddy had watched Pelch come out and clean up the room and then go to get changed. Yells and screams came from the medical room then stopped. Widow looked at Freddy with some confusion. Suddenly a scream of pure terror came from the room and Headcrack still bent over in a robe came out of the room hobbling. He looked like he had a fishing pole stuck out of his robe. Mao calmly walked out holding a very long sharp needle. "Stop being such a baby. This won't hurt." Mao stated in his quiet way.

Headcrack tried to back away, hiding his problem from Widow and Freddy but was totally unsuccessful. It was pretty obvious. "NO WAY! You keep those needles away from me!" Headcrack screamed at Mao his skin all red and hairless from the previous treatment. Mao shrugged.

The Great Krass:

Mao aimed the hose into the room and cranked the lever. Water in a solid stream smashed it's way through the hose and into the room. His aim was perfect even though the hose was hard to control. It hit the curled up Pelch dead center in his butt and slid him, sqawking loudly, across the room and into a wall. Mao turned off the water as Pelch soaking wet against the wall glared at Mao.

Pelch snarled, "You know Mao, ours is not just an ordinary partnership it's almost like a marriage. Maybe it's time I took out the trash." Mao smiled.

"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. I want breakfast and it's time to go to work. Besides you needed a bath. You slept in your clothes again. You have also been into the wine again. If you look in the closet the Control has placed business suits in them for you." Mao showed off his own fashion statement.

GM: So, What are you going to do?
Shrike: I throw a grenade through the window....
GM: Your character doesn't think that's a good idea, after all, it is bullet-proof glass.
Shrike: Then I shoot the glass and throw the grenade through it....
GM: *Shakes Head*.

-Tachi

Headcrack was sitting in the meeting room when Pelch, and Mao were escorted in. Pelch spoke to Mao as he spotted Headcrack, "I knew we shouldn't have just walked in here. Didn't you see the Environmental Hazard signs outside?"

Mao looked blandly at Pelch. "Great comment from the only guy whoever got a refund back from the 'Odor Eaters' people." He nodded to Headcrack and took the refreshments. Mao feared no beer. He spoke around an egg roll, "If they wanted to kill us they would have already tried. They have no pressing reason to poison us or drug us. When they offer free food you might just as well take it. You can console yourself with the fact that Pelch didn't cook it with hot sauce and that you're getting a free lunch. Maybe they'll throw in the dry cleaning too."

Headcrack shrugged, "Maybe after a diet of drek prison food this stuff looks good to you?"

Mao shook his head in a negative way. "Actually, compared to what I had in prison this stuff is the drek." He continued to eat.

Pelch looked disgusted. "That's the first guy I EVER heard that likes prison food better than food on the outside." He sat down and put his feet on the table as he leaned back in the large chair. "I'm surrounded by idiots."

You say OOCly, "Probably a few steps away. Everyone may now roll initiative."

Mo says OOCly, "it was a punch in the face... not combat."

The Great Krass:

Pelch Gobwit and Mao have 'borrowed' a Lone Star City Master. Pelch is on the radio talking to them as Mao is trying to get away, ". "Hey Porkbottom, hurry up, we got donuts!"

The Great Krass:

Pelch to Mao, "By the way what is that up ahead?"

Mao smiled grimly, "A Panser Main Battle Tank with all the refinements, Dra, Old Buddy. Better leave a message so that Lone Star can send your body to your head when it gets done with us."

The Great Krass;

Pelch looked at Mao with a deadpan look, "Well this IS a surprise. I didn't expect them to call out the tanks this early."

The main gun on the tank boomed as a smokey fire erupted from the main gun. Mao jerked the City Master to the left side and his left front wheel bounced over a Chrysler/Nissan Jackrabbit crushing it to powder. The City Master tilted up onto two wheels allowing just enough clearence for the shell to whiz by. It slammed into a building at the end of the street with disastrous results. "Only an anti-armor shell, luckily for the inhabitants." Mao reflected.

"If you're dead you're not lucky. Pelch stated blithely as Mao again turned left towards I-5 leaving the Panser behind for a few moments only.

The Great Krass:

Mao wondered if there was an ejection button for the passenger seat. It was that KIND of Kodak moment he was really longing for. Pelch was still yelling insults into the communicator punctuated by blasts from his airhorn. Mao was coming up fast on I-5 and he saw what he dreaded, Not only was there a roadblock, there was a Wasp overhead jockeying for position. Things were looking grim. They went from grim to soiling the underwear in record time.

Mao looked on horrified like a rat looking at a large snake. The situation was going to get even worse without him being able to change it. His life flashed before his eyes. The surface to air missile on top of the City Master suddenly whined and acquired a target. It was the chopper. How in fragging Catholic School HELL had the stupid fragging moron dwarf imbecile gotten around the command codes to even enable the device? It was obvious that he had and Mao belatedly wondered about that Troll school that BB had sent Pelch to that weekend. What skills had the idiot picked up? Darn that BB and fragging twit Freddy!! Educating Pelch was like handing a loaded weapon to a kid. He was beginning to regret that they had ever started training the fool.

The Great Krass;

Pelch smiled as he opened the wallet and took out the cred sticks and SIN. Mao slammed the door and pulled away running over the hapless suit they had just mugged. Just another mugging in the big city. "This guy has a house let's go there and think for a bit. It's on the Seattle Street of Dreams, which is North." Mao quickly made a U-turn to the consternation of several on coming vehicles. Mao again went past the suit. The suit was being stripped already by the vacrants and kids. So much for your fellow man. {He should have had a Doc Wagon bracelet Mao thought. }

The Great Krass:

Pelch was distracted though and taking the rest of the keys off the ring from Mao was trying to find one to open the brief case. Looking up he spotted something. "Quick, pull over next to that guy. I need to talk with him." Mao nodded and pulled over to the curb. Pelch rolls down the window. There is a guy crying, the crowd seems to be studiously ignoring him. "What's wrong with you?"

"Someone spray painted me yellow, I'm from France, I'm gay and I'm hungry,"

Pelch shrugged, "We all got problems but I got this cheese sandwich in my brief case. You can have it, but it's about all I can do for you." Pelch handed the guy the sandwich and rolled up the window. Mao without comment drove on. Pelch went back to examining the briefcase.

Mao smiled. "You must be going nutter giving away food like that. It's a side to you I've never seen before."

"Meaning I'm a cold hard street dwarf and giving away a sandwich to some hungry guy is not acceptable? It's just fragging impossible for a dwarf to give something away?"

"Exactly. Sort of like some saying the impossible when you're drunk."

"You mean like the words, 'Nope, no more booze for me and no kebab either, thank you?' " Pelch stated with a half smile.

" I'm glad to see you still have a sense of humor. Close enough though for a mental midget like you. Actually I was thinking more along the lines of, 'Thanks for the offer, but I don't want to sleep with you. Sorry, but you're not really my type."

"Cute fragging cute. Well according to this teaching chip in my brain, I heard that one in five people are Chinese. So who's your Daddy, Mommy and other two siblings?" Pelch growled as he looked back in the briefcase.

Mao flipped Pelch the bird but kept on driving. Pelch looked again out the window for a bit. "Hey Quick, pull over can you believe it? Two criers in one day!" Mao shrugged and pulled over as Pelch again rolled down the window. "What's your problem, omae?"

""Someone spray painted me red, I'm from the Nan, I'm gay and I'm thirsty,"

Pelch shrugged, "We all got problems but I got this Krass Kola in my brief case. You can have it, but it's about all I can do for you." Pelch handed the guy the unpopular fizzy drink and rolled up the window. Mao without comment drove on. Pelch smiled at Mao, "Someones going around spray painting joy boy toys from different nations. I wonder what that's all about. Think they'll spray paint Widow Black?" Mao shrugged. "The things you see in this town."

Mao spoke up again, "I knew it. You've gone soft. TWO acts of charity in the same day. If I didn't know better I would say that maybe you did learn something from your mother."

" You don't want to know what I learned from my mother, but I'll tell you anyways. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. She used to say to me and my brothers, "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." ......

Mao interrupted, "She was right there." Pelch glared, "Now we start with the short jokes?" Mao smiled and continued driving. Pelch glared some more, "So you like jokes? Well I got one for you." Suddenly he again noticed something. Hey! It's Quick! Pull over." Mao didn't see Quick. All he saw was a quick glimpse of blue, but he pulled over to the curb anyway. Pelch rolled down the window. Mao wondered how long Pelch was going to keep pulling them over for this drek. He wanted to get off the street and out of this stolen car.

Pelch was still looking angry as he stuck his head out the window but Mao had a bad angle and couldn't get a good look at the person Pelch was yelling at. Pelch spoke
angrily. Mao could at least hear that. The dwarf sounded like he had a megaphone. Everyone in the crowd was looking. Mao didn't like all the sudden attention. "Yes? you silly little blue queer, what fragging country are you from and what do you want?"

Mao shook his head. Typical Pelch, dwarf manners. Things were getting back to normal after the random acts of kindness. It must have been that darn chipset BB had stuck in the idiots head. He made a mental note to ask her more about that when things eased up again. His musings were cut short and then his blood ran cold as a female voice spoke quietly in reply, "Your driver's licence, please..."

The Great Krass:

Mao raised his hands carefully and slowly off the stearing wheel. In record time he was handcuffed and was being searched. They quickly found his papers identifying him as Om Kincer. The female officer smiled, "You're the best collar of the day. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney one will be appointed for you. Do you give up the right to remain silent?"

Another officer right behind Mao immediately said, "Yes. I don't need no stinking attorney. I'm also going to resist arrest and kill lots of pigs and plant even more bombs around the city after I gas more people at the malls."

The female officer nodded with a smile and looked at her fellow cops and some bystanders. She nodded her head. "Did everyone hear the prisoners response?" Everyone nodded in agreement. Looking at the officer behind Om who had spoken she motioned for him to come forward. "Get statements from everyone to that affect, please." She looked at Mao again with that same sweet smile. "You are going away for a long time, creep. You know how many people your bombs and terrorist buddies have killed today. Word is that you are the number one guy on the UCAS wanted list. I hope they never let you out. Take him away."

"Hey Krass, outside of chasing Eon or getting chased BY Eon, what do you do for exercise?"

Krass, "Well I start by focusing on a pre-training regimen of cardiovascular conditioning and snorting eye-wateringly large amounts of cocaine."

Ryld (Me, Deadpool-style merc), Tuneup (rigger and sharpshooter), and Jacobite (Street Meat and all around arse) were pinned down behind a stripped landrover on a gravel lot in Puyallup. Holloweeners had managed to surround our safehouse and were getting ready to toast the place, something to do with me making their leader into an ornamental vace or something, anyway... After thoroughly trashing them with the various traps and pot shots, we were left jumping out of a window into the back lot of the building to escape the three remaining tuff guys. We were down to melee weapons with Jacobite having the only projectile of the bunch (a Predator III with one round left). The gangers followed us out back and reigned down on the landrover we were hiding behind with SMGs and an LMG (our GM is a bit non-descriptive with things he thinks we're gonna kill quickly.)

GM: "Okay, so top of initiative, Ryld?"
Me: "Calling up dockwagon and warning them I might be dead soon."
GM: "OK. Tuneup?"
Tuneup: "I extend my spurs and wait in a battle crouch."
GM: "Right. I'm gonna regret this, but the firing has stopped. It sounds like they're reloading. You hear the sound of footsteps slowly approaching. Jacobite?"
Jacobite: "I spin out and hold out my pistol to fire, what do I see?"
GM: "On the left, SMG and body armour. In the middle SMG with just street clothes, On the right LMG, with armour and a big hat with special looking pins and patches on it. Who d'you-"
Jacobite: "HAT! BOOM!"

The Great Krass:

JoAnne: "Krass if you make one more sexually related comment I am going to leave this meeting."

Krass: Krass looks at Eon and smiles. "Did you hear about the shortage of whores in China? The Chinese government is closing all the houses for the Olympics."

Eon and JoAnne get up to leave.

Krass: "Don't be in a hurry girls, the plane won't be leaving until next Tuesday."

The Great Krass:

Krass: "I dodge the guards by ducking into the YWCA."

GM: "No good Krass. You don't have enough of a lead. They spotted you going in the door."

Krass: "I duck into the woman's locker room."

GM: "The woman start grabbing for towels and clothes. There is a lot of screaming."

Krass: "I look at them as if surprised and say; 'What's the matter haven't you ever seen a man before?'

The Great Krass:

OOC: Fatman to Krass: "I heard you're going to be doing a lecture soon."

OOC: Krass: "You heard right."

OOC: Fatman: "I want you to take a note along just in case."

OOC: Krass: "What's the note say?"

OOC: Fatman: ""The opinions expressed by this idiot are not necessarily those of anyone normal."

The Great Krass:

Eon to Krass: "You have absolutely no morals whatsoever. Where were your parents when you were growing up?"

Krass: "My father used to tell me things when I was younger. For instance I remember one story. My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Sharon. Aunt Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the first Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of a bunch of enemy troops. She killed about a third of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed some more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last couple with her bare hands."

Luddington: "Good heavens, What kind of moral did your dad tell you from that horrible story?"

Krass: "Stay the fark away from Aunt Sharon when she's been drinking."

Pelch to Freddy and Widow:

"Hey Snake, can we change your name to Oedipus for this job?" Freddy thought for a moment and then glared. Mao looked at Pelch curiously. "Why Oedipus? Will it help him on the next job?" Freddy looked at Mao in disgust. Widow looked confused.

Pelch smiled at Mao enjoying the snakes reaction. Sometimes the kid was a great straight man, asking just the right question at just the right time. "Widow could even become Madre Oedipus. Bound to help them on the next job, partner. Everyone will know just what kind of a stand-up guy he is and what kind or fine upstanding model of womanhood she is." Then Pelch said softly to Freddy, "Right Madre-fragger?" Freddy considered all the possibilities of a fireball enema as a motivator of respect. It would probably be a waste of manna. Some things are just too stupid to learn.

Widow to Pelch:

"While you're busy mucking up your job try not to screw our part of it up to get out from under. Then when the drek hits the fan don't lay the resulting explosion off on the rest of us. That would make for a refreshing change of pace. As an addendum if we don't make it in or out, do us all a favor and don't go riding in like Sir Galahad on a razorback, tilting at windmills, and generally queering the pitch for everyone else with the usual Pelch style. The fallout for that KIND of mistake will be a lot less. We really don't need your special kind of help. If you feel the urge to play good Samaritan, try placing your fat head between your fat buttocks and getting a breath of fresh air. It will be less painful for you than you running around doing what you call thinking."

After a night of decking, Headcrack walked out to check in with the team as Pelch consider throwing the hot grease laden pan at the Widow. It was going to be another day in the Z Street neighborhood.

The Great Krass:

This is what happens when whorehouses take on a McDonald's service attitude. It's not fast poon, it's good poon fast!

I don't want to kill him... I want to blow his frigging head off...

-Kahli, Snipper