"There is no question to which the answer is charge a machine gun nest!"

The group is doing a relatively simple wetwork job, kill a former numbers guy who moved up in the mob, and are discussing things...

Desperado (Human Physad, Gunslinger/ Martial Artist): I look at it like this, all of humanity is just trying to get by, he's trying to do his thing. So are we, ours just happens to be killing him...

Tank Girl (Elf Rigger/ Face): So what, if someone was hired to geek you, you wouldn't hold it against them?

Super Dwarf (Dwarf Street Sam with a strength of 17): Yea, Des, I mean there are some thing's ya' gots ta' take personal.

Desperado: Well, I'ld kill the fragger, I'ld put a bullet in their forehead, null sheen. But I wouldn't be mad at them. Unless they had tits like your's T.G., then I'ld find a way to keep them breathin'...


---Desperado

This quote comes from a MUD where I was GM'ing a run for a couple of guys. Their Johnson wanted them to goto Little Chiba in Seattle and retrieve a box then take said box back to the Johnson. Along the way they ran into all manner of things, racists, insane cabbies, rock throwing little girls, gangers, and old squatters with a grenade.

Neal(Ork Shaman or mage, I forget) to Johnson asking what took so long:
"First off, Meta in Chiba... not a good mix, second Crazy cab driver, third Squatters and old men with grenades, and fourth and final... mangy fraggin' cats." he places the box on the table.

From the Proboards, Welcome back pelch after your hospital stay.

Bobby commented, "Which means they have some 'serious' tracking gear on that bird. BB can you tell what kind of missile they fired?"

BB punched more deck, "From the signature and style of launch I would say it was an Advanced Medium Range Air-to-Air Missile (AMRAAM). The type and style shows it to be a smart weapon, probably an Ares Mk IV Assassin."

"CRAP!" Wheels stated, "Air to Air? They have to be shooting at us! Well, the aircraft may be dated, they discontinued the FA-18's in 2010 but the armament is cutting edge." To Quick he stated, "If I survive this I want a fragging pay raise. There is no way I can avoid that type of missile especially with this type of equipment! You told me this was a 'candy' job, remember?"

Quick replied with a thin smile, "It's always a candy job when all you have to do is die."

Almeron: Look, Roks, go and sit down and play X-box or something
Roks: Roks don't want to play Xbox, Xbox is old. Roks want to play Playstation 6
Almeron: Roks, They haven't made the playstation 6 yet
GM: An ad for the Playstation 6 comes on the TV
Lantro : Man, You just got owned by a troll

At a Bar in town, Roks, A very stupid Troll, orders a drink...
Roks: Roks wants a beer
Bartender: Here you go, Yell if you need anything else
He hands him a large glass full of beer, which Roks starts drinking.

Later on in the night
Roks: (At the top of his lungs) BARTENDER!!! BARTENDER!!!
GM: The bartender calls in his Bodyguards who begin approaching Roks
Roks: What? Bartender said to yell if Roks wanted anything else...


TheMuntaMan

My minotaur, Hammer, was on an assassination mission, and was sitting outside of the target's house looking through the kitchen windows. He saw the target start to make a peanut butter sandwhich. Before the target could finish making this sandwhich, my mino kicks open the door, bringing down his fist, liquifying the skull of the target.

His battle cry as he did this: "You forgot the jelly!"

In the Further adventures of Those That Go "Boom" In The Night...

The team has been hired to protect a wage slave decker (he managed to get ahold of some valuable data.). They take him back to Desperado's apartment and are on the lookout for trouble, they also happen to be raiding Des' fridge...

Tank Girl: Real meat?! How the drek'd a bum like you get real meat? (Des never pays for drinks or cigarette's, for a long time the others thought he was a well dressed hobo.)

Des: Well, see...

Super Dwarf: It's like this, all the beer he mooches off of us means he can afford it, have you seen this fragger's Trid set?

Super Dwarf then points at a wall mounted entertainment system that cost roughly 20K Nuyen.

Tank Girl: What the frag, Des? If you told me you actually had some decent stuff I might not be so pissed when you talk about my tits.



Thus proving Des' motto that women are all superficial...

----Desperado

After meeting up with a Johnson at a seedy bar in Puyallup, the crew leaves to find their vehicle missing, replaced by a large Bulldog Security outside the bar. Everyone begins acting suspicious, searching around for assassins and snipers; No sign of any perpetrators. Finally, the crew decides to search the vehicle, finding it unlocked with nothing but a dozen or so pizza boxes with nothing but pepperoni and anchovies. They make the decision to steal the Bulldog.

GM: Vroom, Vroom, off you go in the stolen Bulldog. Behind you a pizza guy chases the vehicle before throwing his phone at you.

After a simple wetwork mission that leaves a horrific mess throughout a house in Portland, the crew decide to hurriedly leave when Aristaeus (Minotaur Street Fighter/Bruiser) and Rex (Ork Street Sam) detect a large presence on their thermographic vision near the kitchen. Approaching it, they discover nothing but a large turkey.

Rex steals the turkey and leaves the house.
Aristaeus follows behind the trog closely, climbing into the Bulldog.
GM: Vroom, Vroom, you drive off from the scene of the crime. Behind you the house explodes as the oven, unclosed, detonates.

Piro(team leade,Human, fire adept)To JV: Mr. Johnson said no casualties
JV(Troll,StreetSam) while puting down his axe: Frag, hand me my shotgun

GM to JV: Only a troll makes called shots with an axe

Piro to JV(OOC after missing a run): explain again how did you bite the vampire



J.V.

Costello: I'll give you 50 Nuyen each, if you let me scan the package. It won't leave any evidence of tampering.<br>
Gestal: No way.<br>
Costello: I insist, You should <i>really<i> let me see that package.<br>
Gestal: Hell no.<br>
(Costello engages in cyber combat)
Dante hacks arm off his with an axe.
Costello screams and takes off running.
Ross casts Lighting Bolt.
Costello drops dead.

A new player on his first run goes to a casino to meet Johnson

Almeron: *goes up to the main desk* Excuse Me, I'm looking for Johnson
Casino worker: *Bursts out laughing* Yeah, you and about 50 other people buddy

After fleeing from a heavily armed SWAT team that outnumbered us.
GM: ... [page turning]... [more page turning]... Since you've allowed the SWAT team to escape...

after pissing off the mafia the crew of Piro (human/fire adept), LawnGnome (dwarf/sniper)
JV (.1essence/troll) and EvilMidgetNinjaChipmunk (human/deceker) are trying to hang low at JVs place when a group of 6 armed mercs burst down the door and run in smgs ablazing after several misses and 4 hits on JV (suffered only 2 light) everyone rolls iniative after some amazing PC rolls and horrible NPC rolls the entire crew have at least 2 turns and Piro and JV have three before the NPC

JV: well im gonna go make a sandwitch try not to ruin the carpet

During a kidnapping run involving a rebellious rich girl, the group splits into two teams. One to stay behind and keep an eye on the girl and the other to scope an area for the transaction. Adrianne, the girl, who planned the whole idea has a crush on the Minotaur street sam, Aristaeus. To spend the rest of the night keeping their security deposit happy, he and Erma (a Human street sam) is forced to play Texas Hold Em, where the loser has to Truth or Dare.

Erma spaces out, staring at her cards. Adrianne's words snap her back to reality and she glances down at the cards, actually seeing them for the first time. "Oh. So I win? Wiz!" She narrows her eyes at the minotaur. "Dare. Tell me you love me, and you want me workin at your side forever and ever."

Aristaeus looks at Erma quietly, staring at her. His expression changes to one of utmost seriousness, setting his cards down on the pile. "Erma," He says in a calm voice. Its obvious in his tone that there seems to be a bit of weight, most likely from the sadness he has subjected himself to. "I'm not're one to speak 'bout mundane'n'meta relationships but you're the most beautiful woman I'dda ever seen. I want you to work with me...and go make me breakfast."

Those That Go "Boom" In the Night are having a rough day, the Star is after them so they've run across several borders, ending up in Aztlan. In a wild biker/ trucker bar out in the middle of diddly-bupkis nowhere to be precise. Seems they got into a pickle working as legbreakers for the mafia after a cop in Le Familia's pocket decided to go state's evidence. Specifically because Super Dwarf drop kicked said cop in the face with all his frenetic might.


Des: I maintain, if you had let me kick the fragger instead of Super Dwarf, we might not have have to live on chalupas for the next few months....

Super Dwarf finishes his bottle of whiskey and glares: What's so bad about livin' off of chalupas? Besides, this wild west shit is supposed to be right up your alley!

Desperado: well you tell me why living on tex mex is bad when we're laying gas bombs beside your head.

Tank Girl:That is disgusting, true, but disgusting...

Magic Mouse (female midget Troll at only 5'8, and the team's new Shaman): I used to live with other trolls, I have a deoderize spell...


----Desperado

GM to Lowtech (troll street sam w/ lvl 4 gremlins): "Whats your driving skill?"
Lowtech to GM: "Who need a driving skill?? You just push da stick and it goes"
GM [Facepalms]
Lowtech pushes the stick forwards and proceeds to back the vtol into a building causing both the vtol to explode and the building to colapse
GM [Groans] "Roll your body, and I'd suggest burning all your Karma and Edge"
Lowtech sucessfully rolls high enough to have survived
Lowtech "OOPS!"

Alexis (human/mage) [rolls all of her magic dice at random after the GM had initiated the rule of 'if you roll your dice at random be prepared to suffer the consequences... She rolls an impressive 41 sucesses]
Serra (elf/street sam) [notices the roll and dares ask an ooc question]
Serra OOC: so lexi what was that roll for?
GM: yes what was that roll for? seeing how you now your going to get almost anything you want with that kind of a roll
Alexis OOC: Oh i was just rolling to see if i could summon Cthulhu again
Serra OOC: Again with Cthulhu?!?! Are you mad!!!
GM [Opens mouth to say something but fails, and proceedes to have a 5 minute long coniption fit, followed by foaming at the mouth, and ending with him going into a complete catatonic state... which is where the game was called for the day]
Serra OOC: Sigh, we lose so many GM's that way.
Alexis OOC: [Grins]

Lexi while in the sewers: I’m going to cast Fireball
GM to lexi “you sure you wanna do that?
Lexi: Yeah it’d be fun
GM to Lexi “are your really really sure you wanna do that?
Lexi: yes

The group I was running with after several runs fell in league with a secret agency known as Department 7. Department 7 provided my group with an almost limitless amount of materials to play with in order for us to take out Yamatetsu, which almost worked, as well as almost backfired and destroyed the organization. As a result a new rules and requlations memmo was sent out to our group and all the other employees of Department 7. These selected were deffinately the best of the bunch.

DPT 7 Rules and Regulations #17: Do not summon stuff you don’t understand (Is this clear Lexi)

DPT 7 Rules and Regulations #27: White phospherus gernades are not to be used as baseballs or bachi balls. (Is this clear Serra)

DPT 7 Ruled and Regulations #35: The next person caught using hot napalm, nanite cream, or the left over drippings from the chicken as lube for business or pleasure will be publicly humiliated, striped of their rank, made to wait on Jade Wing until he comes out of his ancestral rage and lastly have to be Lexi's joytoy for a day.

GM to all the players at the table: "I have a dream..."
Solaris to GM: "And what is that dream?
GM {pauses for a few moments}: "To have a dream"

Being pinned down in a small hallway where the only thing protecting you from 4 Yamatetsu 'uber' street sams and a panther cannon is a old blast door tension runs high and entertainingly sarcastic remarks can spawn from almost any where.
Solaris to Serra: "I have a plan!"
Serra to Solaris after narrowly escaping a near head shot: "Yeah well Custard had a plan too and look where it got him.
Solaris trying to make light of a bad situation, and proving what kind of archaic gaming buff that he is: "Yeah well had he not used a rope in the Library he may have gotten away with it.
Serra stares at Solaris with a look of disbaleif: "Ok first off that was Mustard not Custard, Second it was the candle stick in the kitchen, and third you really need to get out of your mommy's basement after our runs and get a real social life

most of the group has just been caught in a grenade blast
GM: Ed, what's your action for the turn?
Ed: I lie in a bleeding heap.

Roks (Stupid Troll Street Sam) Lantro (Elf Spec Ops), Vale (Elf Shaman) and Ed (Human Hacker) have just escaped a warehouse after and extraction. Roks is carrying the target and his HMG.
GM: As you go down the alley, a mage in a black robe steps out and says "Give us the guy and we wont follow you or come after you"
Roks holds the guy on his shoulder out towards the Mage.
Vale: OK Roks, Just Drop him and Lets go
Roks Shoots the Mage with his HMG but does very little damage. The Mage then Overcasts and kills everyone but Roks.
Roks (OOC): I seriously thought you meant Drop him as in Kill the Mage not drop the guy I was holding!

TheMuntaMan

The team has just encountered their newest member and have gone off to their regular watering hole, a dive bar/pub called "Satan's Butt Hole"

DM: After nearly an hour of waiting the waiter comes over and says "Yeah, what the frag do you guy's want?"
Warhawk (Dwarf Samurai): Butthole Burgers all around.
Derik (New guy-human sniper): Ummm.....I'm a vegitarian.
Drarn (Dwarf Shaman): Well, then you can have the Corn Hole Buger

Nico says OOCly, "who do i see in the bar when i pop my head up. can i make out anything at the entrance to the bar?"

Murietta says OOCly, "lotsa dead gangers bleeding from the heads"

A person wearing A SecureTech Old Western(tm) duster says OOCly, "and the hell is my bouncer doin just standin there >.>"

Nico says OOCly, "distance from bar to entrance?"

Daedalus says OOCly, "he was shot vile"

Talos says OOCly, "Bouncer flew inside."

Desdemona says OOCly, "oh, he's dead >.>"

Rhapsody says OOCly, "he was the first to ...yeah"

Murietta says OOCly, "40 meters"

Desdemona says OOCly, "or dead-ish"

Vile says OOCly, "awww.. sweet, no paycheck this month"

Daedalus says OOCly, "you did have life insurance on him right?"

Desdemona says OOCly, "What's that? Worker's comp? *steps on throat*"

A average person wearing A SecureTech Old Western(tm) duster says OOCly, "I didn't think I needed it, he had !kill on his resume :/"

Setup: The group was meeting with Mr. Johnson via-teleconference, and our Face was negotiating our price up, while the rest of us sat around the table, trying to pay attention and not look too bored.

Johnson: "I'm thinking twenty."
Face: "The minimum for wetwork is fourty. And you've set us up a dirty job here."
Johnson: "There's no wetwork planned- if there's a firefight, that'll be your fault. Thirty-five."
Dan (dwarf street sam- playing his INT of 2): "Hey does anyone here know how to use grenades?
Face: *stunned silence*
Johnson: *stunned silence*
Dan (dwarf): "...cause I have a bunch, but I have no idea how to use them..."
Johnson: "Fifteen hundred."
Face: *hangs head* "We'll take it."

-Kid_Vid

From the Proboards:

Front to Back, Back to Front, I'm a Front/Back Yak!

Krass sent me a nice note whilst I was away to the Land of Retards.

Krass: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET YOUR HANDS ON MY DONG?
Going through my suitcase I just found 50,000 Dong, left over from my Vietnam trip. If anyone wants, I’ll post you them. Never let it be said that Devlin Krass has no dong and isn't more than willing to share it with the world.

UPDATE two days later: Don’t bother. It's not even worth $5. Turns out I’m not as long on dong as I thought.


Gobwit: "I'm not so sure I would want any of Krass's dong anyway, you would never know where it's been."

Those that go "Boom" in the night are finally having some good luck, the Star has given up on looking for them, they have new fake SIN's and are back to the lucrative, if dangerous occupation of running Seattle metroplex shadows. They've just taken a job to run some goods to a "political activist group" in the Tir and are on the way there in Tank Girl's new SOTA citymaster she has lovingly customized when Desperado begins eyeing her chest.~

Super Dwarf: Don't do it Des, last time you copped a feel like this she set off the foam canisters....

Magic Mouse: Foam canisters? I don't see any...

Since Super Dwarf took his eyes of the lecherous cowboy physad, Des copped a feel, causing the jacked in Tank Girl to set off foam canisters she had built into the car while Magic Mouse was in mid-sentence, she may have to create a cleansing spell to remove the taste of fire suppressant foam from her mouth...

---Desperado

From the Proboards:

Infomercial on KONG:

Idiotic Looking Rich Kid that has an important corp father, "DUDE! Anyways, so I’m in like this totally cool restaurant and I was all can I have the terrine de saumon aux épinards with like some grillé cheese and some champignons, and a like side of like relish, and he was all “what would sir like to drink” and I was like bring me a bottle of the Pouilly-Fumé, I understand 2003 was like a totally good year and the waiter was all dude the wines of the Upper Loire are like totally phat. Guy asks if I need anything else, and I'm like breadsticks. HELLO?

Then I said dude what’s up where are all the biatches and he was all duh they’re like totally all over man and I’m all what do I look like a total chump and he was like whatever. And this freak at the next table was talking all loud and shit, some bullshit about the Philadelphia Eagles winning the Kentucky Derby and then he’s all looking over and buttering his rolls like he OWNS the place. I was about to go over and clock him when this totally smoking honey walks in and I’m like DANG."

Shyster Drassel appears, "Contrary to popular opinion I do not accept every case. The afore mentioned client is one such we did NOT accept. We want to thank him for contacting us for a free case consultation, but after reviewing the facts of his case, I am afraid our firm will be unable to represent you. Unfortunately, we take only a limited number of cases each year.

Our rejection of your case does not mean that you do not have a valid claim, or that another attorney would not be interested in helping you and because there are time limits on bringing claims, you should not wait too long to seek other counsel."

Please contact us again, either by e-mail or phone, if we can help you in the future.

Not everyone is represented by KD&A and now you know why."

From the Proboards:

As Krass put it recently to Eon, "You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. So through all the things that came to pass our love has grown. . . and so's your ass. "

No word yet if he survived past that point. God must love stupid people, he made so freakin' many of them. I, however, have only some slight words of wisdom to offer my friend Mao, "Never shoot a fat guy standing on the stairs above you. Especially if it is Widow."

Krass after Eon has beat him more senseless than usual, "You know Eon you're 51% love goddess and 49% bitch."

Krass is running for dear life down the street. Eon is carrying a very large knife and is concentrating on gaining ground.

Luddington watches as Krass races past. "Hey Padre, make yourself useful and see if you can distract her for a moment while I find a place to hide."

Luddington looking at Krass, "You didn't send her another stupid T-shirt did you?"

Krass, "No I put her picture on a billboard."

Luddington, "Nude?"

Krass racing away, "No, fully clothed with the words under it that say, "Sorry, I don't do boys."

Krass, "Talk about your bad day!"

Eon, "Let's not."

Ronilion, "I agree, Krass you don't even know the meaning of a bad day because all your days are so weird."

Krass, "I'll tell you about a bad day. You're a Siamese twin. You're brother attached at the shoulder is gay. You're not. He has a date coming over tonight. You only have ONE hoop!"

Lone Star Cop to Krass: "Mr. Mayor, I clocked you at 100 mph in a 25 mph zone. What do you think you're doing?"

Krass smiling, "I'm helping you to pay for all those donuts."

<Angry-Jack> aren't you not supposed to associate with known Criminals :)?
[13:10] <Oni> I'm dicking around at a local hospital waiting for the doc to show up for a prisoner to do a fit for confinement.
[13:10] <Angry-Jack> oh.. what did he do?
[13:10] <Oni> i associate with them all the time
[13:12] <Oni> he took a knife and cut his belly open
[13:12] <Angry-Jack> Do you ever wonder why you bother to keep him alive
[13:12] <Oni> i thought it was impressive.
[13:13] <Oni> five minutes later and he would have bled out
[13:13] <Oni> I always want to show them how to slice the wrist or put the pop-gun in the mouth the right way but I stop myself.

A touch of the past...

A small group of runners, having followed clues on their run to a corperate wageslave with a gambling problem, consults said suit about finding a "lost" manilla folder for Federal Boeing. Unbeknownst to the runners, said corp-jockey has had a string of bad luck with his bookie, who coincidently has an obscene sense of humour, and has installed a cortex bomb in the suit's head which will detonate if he speaks the word "Tuna". Needless to say, the topic has somehow turned to fish, and the suit uttered the word "tuna" before going wide-eyed and having his head explode all over the table in front of the runners.

Dusk (Ex-LS Detective, Private-Eye Human): JESUS!
Kim (Asain PhysAd Human): ::Jumping back in suprise and disgust:: I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED!
Two-Songs (Mildly Psychotic Orc Mage): ::Touching a finger to the blood and brain matter on his shoulder, then bringing it to his lips:: I can't believe we didn't stop at a Deli.
Dusk: ::Turning towards the Orc:: ...what the Hell are you talking about?! His FACE just exploded on your jacket!
Two-Songs: I know! Of all the days not to have Tostedos...
Kim: I think I'm going to be sick...

-Malachi

From the Proboards:

Pelch Gobwit, out on the town:

Now back in those good old days you could be paying up to twelve US dollars for a single premium martini. Does this scream Yuppie hangout for aging, bald headed guys and shopworn girls looking to score a one nightie? Yeah, that made the place a little pricey even by today's standards. Let's face it, the bar is now in serious need of detoxification and maybe several sticks of dynamite for renovation improvement. I just knew I would feel right at home there.

OOC: GM: "Krass I am astounded at how you look at things. Take California history for example. I'll bet you don't know a darn thing about it outside of they had a gold rush there and imported lots of Chinese women."

OOC: Krass, shrugs shoulders, "Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, in California? ...California became a State.
Back then, the State had no electricity. The State had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets.
Basically, it was just like California today, except that the women had real tits, and the men didn't hold hands. So BIG DEAL nothing has changed all that much."

OOC: GM: groans, "I guess I asked for that."

Krass, "Well I'm definitely going to get a mirrored ceiling. Consider the advantages: while you are having sex you can check that your hair is still looking stylish, and perhaps trim your moustache. It allows you to look your best, no matter how frantic the debauchery. And if there is a ninja hiding behind the curtains, plotting a surprise attack, you can spot him before it's too late, get Eon to spank his ass and confiscate his weapons."

Eon, "While your at it Krass, get the All Star Deluxe Ab Belt, that way you can get a real workout from the comfort of your bed. I heard it vibrates the flab away, you'll like that."

Krass, "I already have one Sweetums, I got it three months ago. You should have come to the hotel with me and you could have played with my dong."

Eon, "Oh? so three months later your still a fat dickhead with a vibrating belt?"

Dear Bloodbath and Beyond Gunshop,

Could you possibly make me a high-velocity sniper's rifle, that could be disguised as a walking stick? It is for purely recreational sniping, you understand, and would not be used in acts of politically-motivated assassinations. I give you my word on that. I am not a murderer. Why would I wish to kill my fellow man, unless he was sinning?

Money is no object, but it must be accurate enough consistently to bring down sinners at distances of up to half a mile. It should have a short barrel and a silencer for fast get-aways. I would never, I assure you, take up arms to smite my fellow man, without detailed and specific instructions from God our father, or one of his angels. Woe unto the heathen on that day! The Lord shall dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel.

Please send me estimates on price, delivery time, etc. And could you get hold of some explosive-tipped ammunition (for the "right price", naturally)? If the worst came to the worst, and we were absolutely forced to liquidate a heathen, we wouldn't want to leave any ballistic evidence, you see, nor much of his head.

But we pray it will never come to that.

Awake unto righteousness, and sin not.

Yours faithfully,

Pastor Luddington

Krass: "If old people are so hungry, why don't they go hit the dumpsters and stop bothering me. Can't they see I'm farking busy trying to figure out a way to destroy Washington, D.C.?"

Ronilion: "Hey Eon, maybe he'll destroy Ottowa too, eh?"

Eon: "Don't give the pervert any ideas."

Pelch: "Krass, you tosser! Don't be sending old people to my SUPERMARKET! If you want to deal with old folks go make a Soylent Green Factory and turn them into crackers! On the other hand aren't a lot of you so-called Americans a bunch of 'crackers' already?"

Drassel: "Canada, our 52nd state. (Albania is 51)."

Patterson, "They're not even a real country, anyway. You know Krass, I'm beginning to have doubts about you being a 'real' American. Your eyes didn't glow red at the mention of torture or invasion."

JoAnne: "Why should anyone, including Canada bother with pissants like Krass? The current American executive branch is shot through with Canadian sleeper agents RIGHT NOW. Condi, Pelosi, Reid and Scooter are only a few among hundreds. Meanwhile you Colonials obsess with folk singers and unfunny comedians. You are like putty in our hands."

The Great Krass:

Eon quoting about Krass's military service:

"Now wait a minute: Krass isn't a gay draft-dodger. He got HIS deferment the honest way: by being a certified mental defective."

The Great Krass:

Eon to JoAnne, "Krass is so in love with himself, he spikes his own drinks with Rohypnol just so he can have is way with himself."

Fatman, (laughs)

Krass nonchalantly, "I only do that when I'm really on the hunt for some self abuse. So when I see this hottie bit of a hand sitting on the bar next to me I slip myself an mickey and before I know it I'm taking myself back to my place."

Drassel, "What happens when you get there?"

From the Proboards:

Pelch Gobwit: Tip of the Day!@

"Have you ever had to do Community Service? It's a cheap way for the authorities to get work out of your worthless hide without paying you for it. You do all the dreky jobs they can't pay people to take. Last fall the Star had me planting fragging daffodil bulbs along I-5 near Madison Street. When the bulbs sprouted this week, the blooms spelled out the words "Bollocks" and "Shag" and other related words in letters four feet (1.3 meters) wide. Residents living on the Madison Street Exit, which carries thousands of visitors a day, said people were coming from miles around to take a look at the flowers. I even heard that Pastor Luddington remarked on the event and said: "I can see the funny side but it doesn't really create a good impression of the town. They planted hundreds of bulbs so we're all a bit worried about what might come up next."


"That's me, Pelch Gobwit doing my bit for the Seattle Tourist Industry."

Taking place after a series of events, leading to a shadowrunner named Jackel trying to hunt down and kill the party. We arrived at a military base that he was going to be hitting to try and kill our charge. While arguing with the Colonel about getting inside his head suddenly explodes and there is a phone call.

Shade(Phy ad) :Hello?
Jackel : I see you...
Shade : Really? Well I guess you got quite sloppy then.

To which shade ran inside the building to take cover from the sniper bullets ripping through soldiers.

The Great Krass:

From the Pimp Network Show: Seattle Entertainment Tonight: The REAL news everyone REALLY wants to know:

Mayor Devlin Krass, the paradigm of political and corporate beefcake, has been linked to the turning on of a light at his luxurious villa in Seattle Bellevue District.

Insiders claim that the hunky political star walked into one of a dozen rooms on the property and moved the light switch to a position in which it would bring light to the room.

Mayor Krass joins a long list of Tinseltown leading men - including Sanjaya Malakar, Kellie Pickler and Augustus Gloop - who have used lights to help them achieve better vision in dark rooms.

The Great Krass:

OOC: Krass, "Hey Fatman."

OOC: Fatman, "Yes?"

OOC: Krass, "You have Eon's address? I want to send her a present."

OOC: Fatman, "I'm suspicious."

OOC: Krass, 'It's just a neat T Shirt I found. I bought it for her and I want to send it to her for her birthday."

OOC: Fatman, "I'm still paranoid Krass."

OOC: Krass, "It's a white shirt with big red letters. It says on the front, 'Who needs big tits?"

OOC: Fatman, "Is there an addendum?"

OOC: Krass laughs, "Well on the back it has red letters and a red arrow pointing down that says, "When you have an ass like this!"

OOC: Fatman, "You talked me into it, you smooth talking devil."

The Great Krass:

Krass to Eon, "Hey Baby, is that a new perfume I smell?" Krass lears.

Drassel shakes his head sadly and ducks.

Eon, looks at Krass and smiles brightly, "It is a new perfume. ... and you do. "

OOC: Fatman, "Krass you see a new secretary. She looks great, do you need a picture?"

OOC: Krass, "Naw, if you say she's a looker I'll run with it."

Krass to new girl, "I'll give you a 200 NuYen if you let me have sex with you."

GM as The girl, "NO."

Krass smiling, "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, You bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up"

The Girl thinking for a moment,"I'll have to talk to my boyfriend." She called her boyfriend and told him the story

The boyfriend said, "Ask him for 2000 NuYen, then pick up the money very fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down."

The girl returning to Krass, "I want 2,000 Nuyen."

Krass throws 2,000 Nuyen in QUARTER NuYen cred sticks on the floor watching them scatter and smiles waiting.

The Girl, "You BASTARD!"

OOC: Fatman smiling, "Krass you are the worst. Have five karma. I wonder what her boyfriend will say when he finds out?"

OOC: Krass, "Probably the same deal."


OOC: Fatman, (ROFL) "Give me back the karma you pervert."

OOC: Krass, "Only if you bend over to pick it up."

Rahvin, (Ace of Spades), "OK Fatman, given all the clues, there is no way Krass can BE a dragon. Twiggs (Ace of Diamonds) agrees. Harpin (Ace of Clubs) agrees. Especially Heart (Ace of Hearts) our decker and researcher agrees. Read the attachment for our reasons."

Fatman, "Your reasoning is excellent as usual Mr Rahvin. Is Heart and Diamond still doing most of the research?"

Rahvin, "Yeah, when Diamond doesn't frag everyone over with one of his power schemes. Now you going to tell me or not?"

Fatman, "My compliments to your crew. They are correct and Diamond was very right when he said Krass probably had an amorous adventure. Even now Krass is still having amorous adventures with a lady dragon. Eon is still in the tree and it is getting cold outside where she is. I'll bet she wears more sensible clothing than a mini-skirt, a see through blouse and a Zoe jacket next time. The others decided to go inside where it is warmer and see if she can escape on her own. Now may I ask why in your game you require a sub orbital? You were a little unclear on why you required certain items, highly lethal items, along with the correct and up to date transponders for travel purposes. Given the nature of your equipment request I would say that your GM has you doing something to Zurich Orbital, which seems slightly insane in my opinion. You do realize how well protected it is even from a crew as tough as yours?"

Rahvin, "Krass and a dragon? How in Hell do they... never mind, I don't really want to know. As for what we want the supplies for, you figure it out. That's what you told me about the dragon. Remember though I'm paying on a contract for secrecy."

Fatman, "I think I will still advise Mr Krass and Mr Drassel that they should move their funds and corporate bonds out of Zurich Orbital for a short time until I hear how your run comes out. That will excite no interest before hand if they use a reasonable excuse and they would do it anyway. Meanwhile, Eon has sent a request on the private line and would like a rescue from a dragon that has her in a tree. The dragon can't be killed or harmed so it has to be a stealth job. Pay is 500,000 Nu-Yen with a bonus of 20% in 24 hours, 10% in 32 hours or 5% in 48 hours. If Krass has a humiliating non lethal accident while the rescue goes on she will tack on another 10% bonus."

Rahvin, "750,000 Nu-Yen if we do it fast and good. That will almost pay for our supply request and we won't have to sign Krass loan bill at ruinous rates? We could actually afford the equipment up front? OK send the details to our GM. We'll make the attempt. Eon still willing to pay reasonable costs, equipment replacement, with funeral or med bills?"

Fatman, "I believe so if you can prove they are reasonable and necessary. No frivolous purchases. She will demand an itemized expense account. You know how tight with her own money Eon can be."

Rahvin, "OK, tell Eon we are on the way. Now how do we get there?"

Fatman, "Ever made a trip through Hell?"

Rahvin, "Of course, I'm a shadow runner."

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Mao and Pelch walked up the tunnel from the Lair to the secure parking garage. Mao calmly adjusted his hat. "Don't you think you were a little hard on Henri back there? He was only trying to help."

Pelch didn't even look back, "No." He stated shortly.

Mao looked at Pelch. "No? He had a plan and you blew him off, insinuated he was stupid and walked away without even trying to understand what he was saying. I would say that was pretty rude. You could have been a little nicer, although considering it was you, maybe not.."

"I was 'nicer'. I didn't pull out one of my guns and shoot him in the foot. I didn't even yank out my knife and cut off his nads. I would call that pretty restrained."

Pelch Gobwit, "After my deal with the light switch my new boss had another job for me. I was supposed to go out to a place called Lil's Mini Mart & Truck Stop, pretend to be a go ganger with some of the other workers who would go with me and kick some eco-terrorist hoop. There was supposed to be an extra fiver NuYen in their for each of us. They got together about ten of the meanest dwarfs you ever saw, gave us a variety of head bashing weapons, horned helmets, and dirty leathers and sent us out on fragging 'Big Wheels tricycles'. "

Pelch Gobwit:

"I woke up feeling surreal, like Ozzy Osbourne woke up married to Florence Henderson. I was definitely in the hurt. What was worse I seemed to be paralyzed from the neck down. I had heard of hospitals doing this. I think it was called a sensory shunt. Looks like I wouldn't be making any escapes after leaving my 'Z' cut into someone's suit."

Pelch Gobwit on working at Skagit:

Probationary meant they didn't trust you. Probationary meant that they suspected you MIGHT be able to do your job and that you might be able to earn your pay. It didn't mean they had any fragging trust in you at all. It meant they watched you like a hawk. It meant when you got called out of the pool or department to work on something, a couple of guards and a supervisor went along to make sure you weren't leaving behind a bomb or a bug and that you did the job RIGHT the first time. When they sent me to fix a light switch I was almost glad I had spent the weekend at that school BB sent me too. It was Probationary was like being a 'Trusty" at the local UCAS prison. It was going to be another long week.

Pelch Gobwit to Mao, "Well magic is a strange thing. It's not like it's ruined your birthday, ran over your puppy with a semi, and burned your house down with napalm. If you really are giving birth to a rhinoceros because of this, stop thinking about magic immediately, wait a few months then think again when you can handle the answers and they will be completely mustache free. I promise. Unless Krass becomes Governor and takes up a hate you campaign because of all the complaining you're doing about what you don't know. Magic is a game that doesn't lend itself much to logic."

Mao's parking was as bad as his driving. I could see the parking lot guards discussing whether or not to give him the first prize for the Drek Parking Award. I heard it came with a manual labeled 'How not to Park like a Complete Dork!' How did Mao park?
Street Fighter Style. After we got out he kicked the car into the parking space. Maybe that's why the parking guards decided not to bother him.

Pelch Gobwit commenting on his first visit to Krass's Skagit Valley Nuclear Facility:

"Having an inquisitive mind I often asked many unwanted questions. My inquires were discouraged as evidenced by my Boss man’s trolls using my head as a battering ram to open the door of the oh-so-familiar closet; it became the site of many an unconscious nap. By this time, my fellow inmates refused to be seen with me, fearing recrimination by association.

Especially Mao.

I decided against all further lines of questions until my head stopped throbbing from pain. Johnson probably wouldn’t be too pleased about that but sometimes survival does have to take a priority in your life over money."

Pelch Gobwit:

Shortly after my departure from the facility for the weekend it was confirmation time. The ceremony was conducted by the mid level manager and each worker was to pick a name of someone who was known to do good deeds for the company. This choice was blessed and given to you as your middle name. Most of my fellow workers picked the names of their various managers, one even chose the name Krass, I did not.

My first and only choice was Zorro. He saved villages with his sword and wits and I felt honored to be part of this heritage. I submitted my choice and after a brief meeting with the powers-that-be I was confirmed with the middle name of Farking Idiot. Mao became Mao Eon the Terrible. I always thought he was a bit of a poof. This only confirmed my feelings.

The work week passed and the end was in sight. What I worked so little for was upon me. I finally graduated the orientation course much to everyone's amazement. As my Boss man commented to my new Boss "If he was beaten any more times, we would have to make him part of Senior Management".

The Great Krass:

Seattle, WA. - Famous female icon Barbie has been slammed in a book by ex-boyfriend Ken, who describes the celebrity as "a total whore." Ken also reveals that the celebrity has had plastic surgery at various times. In a leaked chapter of the book, Ken goes so far as to claim "as many already suspect, they are not real."

Barbie's agent would not respond to Ken's allegations but instead dismissed the jilted lover's problematic lifestyle and drug habits. Ken's recent troubles include a string of arrests and minor criminal charges, allegations of stalking and a conviction for drug possession late last year.

Ken told reporters this week that he had been sober for months now and describes his book Kenfessions: The Nightmare Truth Behind the Malibu Dream House as a soul searching quest to set the record straight.

"I see now that I must honestly confront parts of my past that have been unsavory. The chapter in which I describe how I found Barbie in bed with three midgets, a gazelle, Devlin Krass and a can of maple syrup was very painful to write, personally, but is part of the healing process. Writing about it and publishing it in memoir form helped me grow and move forward."

Mayor Krass was asked to comment on this. In his latest statement he told us, "Poor deluded Ken has it all wrong between Barbie and I. Let me set the record straight. According to Ken he found Barbie in bed with me, three midgets, a gazelle, and a can of maple syrup. That is totally wrong as anyone can plainly tell. I don't have a bed BIG enough to fit all that. We did it on the floor in a Bigfoot skin rug. Also he never even mentioned the Inflatable Ingrid, the 4 hp motor, the Giant Suc-O-Lux, a Giant Parrot, and the olympic size trampoline. Still, I can understand that, he was on dream chips at the time."

Scene: Shadowrunners are traveling down in an elevator to a bad guy's hideout. As they do, one of them looks up at an elevator hatch and decides to use the element of surprise by hiding on top of the elevator car...

"Once you get it open," Chaz says, still completely masked by his ruth, and his voice sounding much more comfortably. His hands slide out of his cover to go to the roof hatch, pushing up against it.
Tink! Chaz's hard hit knocks it almost free from the metal seam, but not quite. A sizable dent sits in the metal chunk.
Stepping back as Ghostfist makes his comment, Chaz nods, looking up at the dent he left. "Guess this hands are good for something."
Vixen heaves and almost gives herself a hernia. Maybe she'd considering using someone as a stepstool but yeah...ok. Her face turns red with effort.
Finally, under the combined pressure of the freak-strong Vixen and the massive trogg, the hatch buckles in two and slips out of its seams, instantly flying up the shaft, tied to what looks suspiciously like elevator support cables. And there's the sudden sensation of free fall.

One L wound, one M wound, and two S wounds need treating after the car crashes.

The Great Krass:

OOC: Eon, "I'm having to study a lot of history lately for my exams. It's all trivia like; Albert Einstein's birthday was March 14. He would now be 127. Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. It's really boring and hard to get all this straight when I'll probably forget it 6 months down the road!"


OOC: Drassel, "Liven it up with some interesting theories. My bet is that most teachers probably won't even catch it. I used to do that on a lot of my law dissertations. For instance you could add; I heard that he later stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection."

OOC: Krass, "This came to be known as Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty."

OOC: Eon, "I really hate you."

The Great Krass:

Ronilion: "Hey Patterson, Know any good lawyer jokes?"

Patterson, "They all sound the same to me. Ask Drassel."

Drassel, "Do you know how many good lawyer jokes there are? There are ONLY three. The rest are true stories."

Pelch Gobwit: Shadowruns answer to blatant idiocy.

I spent the rest of the afternoon in some serious thought. Shocker huh? Dwarf's aren't suppose to be heavy thinkers. We're just supposed to be making toys, or tinkering on gadgets or being grumpy. And then there's the gold, we all want the gold and we'll kill your babies to get it. Well kiss my hoop.

Mao shrugged and continued his campaign against life until we were almost parked in the facility. That is when, with a big drek eating smile he let one rip. I just knew it was from all that beer he drank. I could see out of the corner of his eye that he was waiting for my reaction. I didn't wish to disappoint the dear boy I reacted.

I pulled a big old brown stained and vile looking Cohibas Havana cigar from my upper pocket and a gold Rollstar lighter. I had not wasted my time while in school and had acquired several new items to console my spirit and make my incarceration more pleasant. The thing to remember about the true Cohibas cigar is that you will notice that the cellophane of genuine Cohibas is stained a light brown. These stains come from the oil in the leaf of tobacco with which the cigar has been wrapped. Only truly aged cigars leave such stains and all real Cohibas are definitely aged. Mao opened his mouth to protest when I lit up.

This may have been a mistake.

The air flamed yellowish red with a nice amount of blue. I was already hairless and my clothes were armored. Mao's hat once again deteriorated in value. The flame startled him and his foot rather than hitting the brake, found the petrol feed. The truck took the high road as it went sailing over the curb and through the fence. and whomped down face first into a large drainage ditch that surrounded the facility. My Cohibas, now alight. I bailed out shouting, "Woman and children first!" Mao was trying to beat out the smolders. As the guards came running and the sirens were going off because of the busted fence. I puffed on my cigar and watched them drag Mao out of the truck and start beating his butt with shock batons. The trolls were having such a fine time I gave them some advice. "Use more elbow. Be sure you get that toe well into his sacks of joy. Is that baton on high?"After all he WAS the driver. He should take some responsibility for his reckless negligence. I left Mao with his playmates. I didn't want to be late for work.

Pelch Farking Idiot Gobwit:

Don looked at the sharks grin with some paranoia, {Can things get any drekkier than this?} Pelch thought to himself, {They want me to go spy on the Johnson who hired me to spy on them! Now I'm a fragging double agent or is it a triple agent because we work for Dom? Frag IT! I'm losing track on who is paying me the most to spy on the other guy! Still, I AM collecting three paychecks, so can't all be bad, can it?}

"Before I accept the job. I didn't catch your name."

"JoAnne. You can just call me JoAnne."

"OK JoAnne, how about I take Mao as well? This way you get him out and I can use him as a scapegoat with the Rainbow Clan if I need to." Don tried to smile like her.

Ok Folks in the SR world, it's OFFICIAL: Krass is obviously in charge of Seattle!

Check this out!

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/332081_slut18.html

Officially, it's now the South Lake Union Streetcar. But the trolley name already has caught on, and in the old Cascade neighborhood in South Lake Union, they're waiting for the SLUT.

Jerry Johnson, foreground, and Don Clifton model the "Ride the S.L.U.T." T-shirts they created to poke fun at the original acronym of the South Lake Union Streetcar. The shirts are sold at the Kapow! coffee shop in the neighborhood.

At the Kapow! Coffee house on Harrison Street, they're selling T-shirts that read "Ride the SLUT."

"We're welcoming the SLUT into the neighborhood," said Jerry Johnson, 29, a part-time barista. Johnson said the T-shirts were done just for fun, but they seem to have tapped into something: The first 100 sold out in days and now orders for the next 100 are under way.

Krass a man ahead of his time.

The Great Krass:

Pastor Luddington is talking to Pelch Gobwit. He is attempting to explain the Bible to the street dwarf that has never learned to read. He is carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. Pastor Luddington stated quietly, "So Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times"

"Now," stated Luddington, "can you tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"

Pelch thinks for a moment. You can almost smell the smoke. Suddenly he gets an light bulb, probably less that 15 watts. "To make the gravy!"

Room 6: http://www.theshadowrun.net

The bosslady looked at Don like a scientist looking at a new species of insect life. Pelch could picture her with an insect collection and lot's of pins. She didn't look mad nor did she crack a smile. Pelch got the impression that his boss was one tough lady. She leaned back and spoke quietly, "Point taken. Billy Johnson is no shining light, but he is loyal and efficient in his limited duties despite his more disgusting personal habits. I can see also that the reports were correct. You do lack a certain degree of tact and discipline. That should not be a problem in your new duties and may even be an asset. You also seem to be travelling around with that Mao character. He is also considered to be a bad influence having caused some incidents with the Security guards and then setting off an alert when he ran his truck through one of the fences. Now he is currently on punishment duty, placed there by no less of a personage than Mr. Ronilion himself. Mao is on the 'Suspicious List'."

Don leapt to Mao's defense, "I agree. I only carpool with him until I get my license and vehicle ready. If you want I'll be happy to kick his sorry hoop to the curb. If I were you I woudn't trust him a bit either."

The creators may die, but the game lives on.
- Digital Doom

Pelch to Mao, "However, our leaders don't seem to think about the ramifications of their actions or orders, they just issue them and sit back smugly satisfied and wait for a visit from the rape fairy!"

Iceman (street sam) and Bobo (street sam) are discussing some bussiness in the bar.
Ice "And what kind of work are you trying to get?"
Bobo "Something on the street..."
Ice "On the street? There are only joytoys on the streets..."

Vincenzo (elf-hacker/gunslinger and real alcoholic) enters the bar where Bobo & Ice are talking.
Vincenzo (right from the door) "Jack Daniels, 4-times!"
Barman "And a magic word?? Like - abracadabra - or what?"
Vincenzo "Whatever. Jack Daniels, 4-times!"
Barman pours him what he orders.
Vincenzo "No ice???"
Barman "No tips???"
Vincenzo stops for a moment, looks at barman...then into glass... "NO ICE???"

After the meeting in the bar, drunk Iceman tries to get back home on his bike. He sees two of them and picks the wrong one - Bobo's. Bobo finds it out when he goes out of the bar with drunk Vincenzo.
Bobo "If he even scratches it, I WILL KILL HIM!"""
Vincenzo, smiling "You won't..."

Vincenzo (elven hacker/gunslinger) joins Bobo (street sam, maybe too much "street") and Ice (street sam) in the bar and continues the discussion...
Vincenzo "And what kind of a job do you want?"
Bobo "Anything you can find on the street..."
Vincenzo "Joytoys???"
Ice looks at Bobo with the kind of look "I told you that!"

After finding Iceman's luxury flat they call him to get down... Iceman gets out of the shower, wearing white bathing suit and white slippers.
Vincenzo "Does the suit come with kevlar?"
Iceman "No,but the slippers do..."

GM: 'I got good and bad news for you.'
Paul (OOC): 'I know, I will die. What are the bad news?'

Pris (Ganger) about Jamie (Sniper): 'He is an insane mass murderer. But don't bother, he doesn't look like one...'

Bishop (dwarf gun expert) to Patrick (elven ganger): "You can go along and get shot, we'll trie Plan B."

while the creation of an orc sam...

Player: May I get t'n't??
GM: no...
Player: C4??
GM: NO!!
Player: tactic atome grenades??
GM: *aaaarrrrr*

(I hate being the GM.....)
<Askaya

While watching the Gang Moll (Face PC) leading True Form Ants into an ambush, throwing candy all the way.

"We're not sure if it's the sugar, or her that they're after. Either way, it works."

*On a Booze Run for the Gang*: "Case of beer, case of beer, case of beer, six-pack of weird beer. Vodka. HEY! JOE! You got any Zema? No? Good. We worry about him... Oh, right... Rum, Cola... Rum, Rum, Rum... Another can of Cola."

CanRay.

What is more horrific than a Troll Street Sam wielding a Combat Axe?

Realizing this Troll is after you... :)

*After an incredible firefight, Ezechiel the street sam sees the last remaining bodyguard of the group's target, and the target, both down on the ground, with Predators drawn*
GM (me): What do you do?
Ezechiel: I WALK slowly over to them, my gun by my side, and let them shoot me.

Shots are rolled, many hit, Ezechiel rolls to resist, using his Level 3 Dermal Armor and Titanium bone-lacing, plus his armor.
By the time the two run out of bullets, Ezechiel is standing before them, with a shredded armor, 1 Light wound and a nasty smile on his face...

Chris

Pelch Gobwit commenting on Mao's run to Yakima:

So there he was roadtesting Fang's latest piece of art by pounding the living drek out of it and incidently hitting every fragging rock, tree, shrub, pothole and slimy mudpit that my brain-dead teamate, with his mistaken belief that he could drive like Mario Andretti, could discover or happen upon in blissful ignorance. James Bond would have been proud. Om did more damage to the van and forest in fifteen minutes than was done in all the Bond movies ever produced. It was a trend setter and possibly a world's record. He gave new and more tacit meaining to the word eco-terrorist. I thought I saw the trees trying to pull up roots and run away screaming in fear and despair. Luckily for us, Fang's had equipped the thing for off-road use, but off-road don't mean fragging indestructable, chummer, as my partner was so ably proving.

The Great Krass:

Dispatcher: 9-1-1.

Krass: "I'm having trouble breathing I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out."

Dispatcher: "Sir, where are you calling from?"

Krass: "I'm at a pay phone. Pine and Fifth.

Dispatcher: "Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?"

Krass: "No ."

Dispatcher: "What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?"

Krass: "Running from Eon."

O.K. our group is trying to get in a club in Redmond, at the door we are scanned for weapons- now we have a guy in our group named Geno who is a recovering pshyco with a cyber arm fixed with a concealed SMG in it- he gets there and the scanner goes off. when asked about the arm he says its a prostetic , the bouncer rolls all ones :: Geno walks in without a hitch :)

--Flinten Steele, the Gunslinger

Heard from our resident assassin/nice guy of the group, when waking up naked, inside a dark room with no windows and a metal door with a slit:
"The room has a drain in the floor?
Great, that means I can pee..."

Chris

Example number 285 of why it's bad to surprise a natural killer with level 2 wired reflexes:

The PCs are in Haiti, they get the *only* cab driver willing enough to drive them to one of the worst parts of the Havana.
The driver, thinking he would help the "poor little runners", stopped the car, and, going to the trunk, then proceeded to take two pistols out, pointing upwards.

One reflex and willpower roll later, the *surprised* PCs were facing 1 dead cab driver with a bullet hole in his head, and their new NPC partner holding the smoking gun...

Chris

Our group had invaded a secret laboratory to extract one of the test subjects, and as they were making their escape (after rigging the place full of explosives and starting the countdown), they encountered some security guards, just outside the exit.
They mow them down (taking some time and thus being awfully close to the big Kaboom), and proceed to flee to safety.
Our group's maniac Pistolero decides to stop over one of the injured guards, took out both his guns, and emptied his clips in the guy.
That's when the lab went "Kablooey" at his back...

Took a full month of reconstructive surgery from Fuchi (during which they installed the cranial bomb) to be able to come out of the hospital...

Chris

Pelch to Black Widow:

"Would that have been better or should I have her swipe your toothpaste and replace it with anal lube?"

On our first run in a ghoul area, I was acting a little cocky and shot one ghoul with my pistol droping it dead, saying how I took the team three shots to kill the first ghoul we met.Zule, our cyber troll in the party, promtly took out his mini-gun and killed two of the suckers in one burst.I was humbled.

--Flinten Steele, the Gunslinger

Redline, rigger with Cha 2 and no negotiation skill, explaining how she'll make additional contacts as the Runs progress: "I have Negotiation 50, 'cause that's how many rounds I have..."

Redline

"There is nothing weird about my penis, it looks just as normal as my original one. you can tell when they're side by side, see?" - Actual conversation about cyberware. (may need editing)

After killing the inhabitant of a small shack who was a combat decker rival, hired to steal the same data as the team.

"I want to loot the corpse, does he have a gun?" Cole to GM

GM "Yeah he's just the combat decker template out of the corebook."

Cole "I have a new gun"

Timber (Surge elf shaman) "I'll take his deck."

Cole "What good is that?"

Timber *smiling* "I like computers."

Timber proceeds to use his kinesics and negotiation to sell it for 300,000 nuyen and buy the top of the range custmised sniper rifle of his dreams.

"I got it for my birthday" Was his reply when asked where he got the money.

SlapTback

My friends and I started a new crew a few weeks ago and we are trying to convince our one friend to buy a set of wheels for his character.

Spider (Human Spider Shaman) Come on just get a ride so we don't have to take the bus.

Mouse (Human Face Man) But I don't want to blow a lot of money.

Spider Just get a Ford Americar, come on it works. In fact that is their sales pitch in the latest add.

Parthax (have not quoted in years, and it's been way too long)