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I'd ask what it is, but I'm pretty fraggin' sure I don't want to know the answer. So I'll just ask, will this hurt it?
Tester
We have a gnome phys ad who has distance strike and killing hands with a perculiar gesture.
GM as Johnson: "So do you accept the job?"
PhysAd: "I already gave him my non-lethal thumbs up"
SyrDragon
Our three-man shadowrunning team was hired to get onto a Renraku cruise liner controlled by a pseudo-AI (a Fuzzy Logic system or something like that; I don't really remember the details well) and steal said pseudo-AI.
Well, we finally got into the computer core and have our decker hack into the system to steal the paydata. While in the core system, the decker gets attacked by a defense program that's sculpted to look like Richard Nixon. This resulted in this interesting quote:
GM (describing the IC's actions): "Nixon is coming after you with all his republican fury."
Saint Azrael McManus
While prepping for a run, Crash Icon (the team's decker) decides to rummage through Saint Azrael's (gunslinger adept, sorta like one of the McManus brothers from "The Boondock Saints") fridge, looking for some beer.
(Whole conversation is OOC except the last line)
Crash Icon: Any beer?
GM: Make a beer roll.
GM: . . . You fail.
GM: Only Molson's.
Crash Icon: d'oh
Crash Icon: that's fine
Crash Icon: I crack it open and start drinking
GM: It tastes like fraging moose piss.
Crash Icon (IC): "OH yeah!"
Saint Azrael McManus
This is probably one of those "you had to be there" quotes, but I'll do my best:
The team (such as it was) had a mission from an unusual Johnson: the ghost of a dead woman.
The woman was Saint Azrael's ("Boondock Saints" - style gunslinger adept) neighbor, and she had been murdered as part of a dark ritual by a Pakistani criminal. Her ghost beseeched Azrael to kill her murderer, and Az, being the vengeance/justice-seeking soul he is, obliged, dragging Crash Icon (the team's decker) along.
After a trudge through the sewers to find the sanctum where the ritual was being conducted, the two finally find a huge antechamber. Azrael narrowly avoids getting cut in half by a monowire trip-wire (thanks to him rushing in). The wire retracts to the hand of a hidden person in the chamber.
The enemy, Gloam, is a human tricked out with some really hardcore stealth stuff, including thermo-camoflauge body armor, so that we can barely see him (I imagined it as kind of like "The Predator").
So imagine, a black-trenchcoated, Stephen Dorff- looking man holding two Manhunters out ahead of him, and imagine Gloam's voice echoing throughout the antechamber as you read this quote.
Gloam: "I am death. Care to dance?"
Azrael (in a Wolverine-style snarling): "Bring it."
Saint Azrael McManus
The team has gone into the Barrens to find a Ganger Leader for a bit of quick revenge. The young cybered troll decides to go into the next gas station to see if the guy behind the counter knows the gang. Unfortunately the guy behind the counter is being robbed by a guy with a shotgun hiding behind the counter.
Kid: I walk up to the counter "Hey chummer have you seen any gangs around here with this logo on em?"
Clerk glances at it. "Nope."
Kid: "Fragit! You sure?"
Clerk: "Yeah...(nervous laugh) Sure."
KidOOC: This don't look right I'm looking around.
GM: The store is empty except you and him.
Kidooc: Looking harder (Rolls dice, rolls again, and again, and again) 22
GM: You're telling me that on 2 dice you got a 22.
KidOOC: Yup.
Gm: Okay you see the reflection of a guy with a gun crouched behind the counter pointing it at the clerk.
KidOOC: What's the wall made of?
GM: Normal wall material.
KidOOC: I'm gong to punch through it and grab him.
In the combat that followed the hold up guy shot the clerk, the kid grabbed the guy when I asked him what he was going to do now that he had the guy his response was a simple "Pull Hard"
Dandemented
Hello and good afternoon. I'm here to talk to you about the merits of AP versus HE rounds...
Tester
FaceMan: I'm thinking we deserve at least ten grand up front for this kind of work- there's the job itself, the setup, the fadeaway afterwards...
Mr. Johnson: I'm thinking around Eight. That's enough for a good info run, and enough to set you up- without the possibility of you running with the money.
FaceMan: You're wanting a quiet extration, and those don't come cheap- I have to make sure the info I get isn't going to find it's way back to prying ears.
Dan: (Going through the armaments he has with him at the table meeting with Mr. Johnson and the other runners) Does anyone here know how to use grenades? Cause I have some, but I don't know how to use them.
FaceMan: (Silent in Disbelief.)
Mr. Johnson: (Silent in Disbelief.)
Mr. Johnson: Two grand.
FaceMan: Taken.
Kid_Vid
In a run that involved an otaku, a troll mage, and a sniper, they were to go through a boobytrapped hedge maze to get to a sealed room that and get a pc that had plans on it. The guards had these small boxes call safe-mans, and upon the troll noticing this he started to plot to get one, even though he was under stealth and improved invisibility.
Otaku: You know that they are useless out of here.
Troll: but I could sell it, it has to be worth something, (we stare at the player as if he is an idiot) It's a box, it intrigues me.
He eventually got two boxes after killing two people guarding the pc he was there to steal.
Dormanu
On a B&E data-steal, the minotaur tank/sammy spots a guard coming out of the bathroom. He decides to tackle the guard back into the bathroom and knock him out. The rest of the team is left to deal with the commotion caused by the noise he made. The tank decides to join the brawl by going THROUGH the wall of the bathroom into the room where the action is. Though he weakened the wall with a few burst from a SMG, he failed to beat the barrier rating of 12 when he crashed into it (it was in a factory after all). In full mil-spec armor, his head is able to make it's way into the other room where all the badies have been sedated with a well place stunball. The team's demolitions guy comes into the bathroom with the following exchange:
demo: "You need some help?" *takes out block of c12*
tank: "I think I can handle this one solo. I AM in the bathroom."
*group laughter ensues*
SyrDragon
Our Elven rigger's (Chrome) car is being attacked by a group of drugged winos, one is on hte roof trying to smash the chaingun mounted there.
"Can my chaingun dodge? It's turreted." -Chrome-
Pixel
Gorf (troll street-sam) OOC: "A fire extinguisher, that's a what, hand-to-foam weapon?"
Pixel
The group was being brought together for a job, the Fixer was a rather crooked lawyer called, The Reverend Johnny Ogre, an ogre of course. One of hte people, Bushido Phil, a Hawaiian dwarf "combat decker" street sam called twitch. After many words like Dutification, Suspiciation, Transactify, and several sentances that were lost on the two muscle types he was talking with. After several twitches and attempts not to scream and attack the lawyer he finally said, "Alright. That is it, that is not a word." at which Johny ogre removed a pocket computer and punched up a dictionary that had the words in them described fully.
Dormanu
Mr. Small (dwarven rigger): "Oh no, I got pizza sauce on my pants."
Bane (troll sorcerer): "Was that before of after you 'contacted your johnson'?"
Shadow Pavement
A group of all shapeshifter characters were on this one ship that had been through the Birmuda Triangle near christmas 2011. After searching top decks we were going to check the lower decks, and this was said.
Fox shapeshifter mage: We're heading below deck... below me.
Distracted GM: Below yourself.
Fox shapeshifter mage: (has dawning realization) I can.... I can go into fox form and lick down there.... Booyah.
Dormanu
Talia(Panther[leopard] Shapeshifter, 19, and being referred to as a dyke) and Kit(Fox Shapeshifter, 17, and a charisma of 8).
Talia: Well, I suppose we should get out of here now.
Kit: Your box or mine?
Talia: I think I'll go after your box, first. *wink*
Kerish
Kit(fox shapeshifter) and Bruno(shark shapeshifter): We're going to assess the ship.
They roll their dice, each getting at least two successes.
GM(me): I'll sum it up like this. You both think, at the same time, "Oooh, dat's bad..."
Kerish
I had recently, through clever use of a plot device, brought back my ork street sam, Tank. He was having lunch at a Thai place with Bushido Phil and Johnny Ogre. They had a brief discussion, where Tank explains that the meat in Bushido Phil's food is actually cat. A few moments later, Bushido Phil gets upset with Mr. Ogre's use of made-up words, and unconsciously starts eating again.
Tank looks at him, grins, and says, "Cat."
Phil: God dammit!!
Bushido Phil flipped out, and threw the bowl into the street to prevent himself from eating more.
Kerish
We were supposed to rescuse a restaurant full of execs from terrorists. We all got caught. The thugs in the party staged a break out, only to be subdued and dragged away for individually served beatings.
My character Nightingale, an elven medic with Lots of social skills, was the only one left unsecured. I got chatting with the leader of the terrorists (and rolled a fabulous number of sixes for negotiation) and asked a favour of the foaming at the mouth fanatic.
"Can I borrow your gun?"
Nightingale
This story is titled "What Not to Say to the Medic"
The Souther Gentleman, a Humanis sympathising character, oh so casually mentioned to my female elven (while he was trying to seduce her) that he had been hired to kill her. All he wanted was one of my ears to prove he had done me in. Sound reasonable?
Later on the party took on a bunch of gangers in the Bad Part of Town and the Southern Gentleman got shot. Nightingale, compassionate soul that she is, went to his assistance.
She deliberately botched the First Aid check to stop the bleeding (I sent a note to the GM with her intentions). The Southern Gentleman invoked the one use only Hand of God Rule to save his character, thus wiping out all his accrued karma but saving his life. Nightingale notices he's still breathing so she slaps a patch on him (Southern Gentleman's player thinks its a trauma patch). Its actually a nerve agent strong enough to paralyse an elephant. Then my kindly, pacifist, unarmed elf cuts his throat with a scalpel.
Moral of the Story - Do Not Anger the Medic
Nightingale
The Run: Assassination
Setup: Vapid (human decker who REALLY needed a run that paid), is perched on a rooftop with her sniper rifle aimed at the mark. All is still and quiet. She has a silencer to muffle the shot. She is dressed all in black to avoid detection. She pulls the trigger--a perfect shot! THe mark dies with one bullet.
Vapid (shouting IN CHARACTER): "I GOT HIM!"
This is immediately followed by the sound of every other player and the GM simultaneously slapping his or her forhead, and groaning in unison!
Queller
Kevin(human physad) and myself, Wallace(human street sam), got into a little... quarrel. Kevin has a bit of a temper problem, and Wallace is a semi-psychotic ex-Lone Star officer.
After a single insulting word from Wallace, Keven proceeds to punch him. Wallace takes the hit, shrugging all damage, and sighs. He then grins, says "Well, I guess I'll be getting your cut of the pay." and turns around to walk away. He hears Kevin drawing his katana behind him(to stab him in the back), and proceeds to whirl around and shoot the physad in the leg, blowing his kneecap off with a S&W 2058 Combat Magnum(for S damage). At this current point in time, the phsyad is plotting Wallace's death or worse. The only thing stopping them is the really, really big giant named Douglas.
Side note: The injury was healed via our group's mage. The only scar remaining is that of wounded in-character pride. Out of character, we all thought it was hilarious.
Kerish
Rally (Female Elven Rigger): I drove cross-country to Chicago, then through a military blockade to pull you idiots out of Bug City. You ARE paying for the gas.
Mojo Jojo 42
Leonard (Male Weretiger Physical Mage): There are only 2 seats and there are 5 of us.
Rally (Female Elven Rigger): Stick the dwarf and the secretary in the trunk. They’re small enough to fit. The kid can ride on your lap Lenny.
Static (Male Dwarven Shaman): There’s air in the trunk, right?
Rally: Just don’t do any unnecessary breathing for the next few hours.
Mojo Jojo 42
Collector (Human Street Mage) is being followed by a procession of her elementals and friendly city spirits who are carrying her large amount of ill-gotten booty from the Seattle Renraku Archology.
Collector: This is how you shop like a mage.
Mojo Jojo 42
Rally (Female Elven Rigger): There are 2 golden rules in life.
Static (Male Dwarven Shaman): Yeah?
Rally: Don’t piss off your mechanic. They make sure your stuff works.
Static: And the other rule?
Rally: Don’t piss off your medic. They make sure YOU work.
Mojo Jojo 42
After seeing Mariah Mercurial’s asshole of a manager get roasted by a dragon.
Collector (Female human street mage): I’m gonna hunt that dragon down, find out where he sleeps, and send him a big basket of quality smoked meats.
Mojo Jojo 42
Being the weapon guru for the runners I spent a few hours "tweaking" the main slug thrower (AK) for a troll street sam.
Whistler: "I upped the magazine capacity, increased the firepower a tad, and converted it to a bullpup"
Bob (The troll): "Huh?"
Whistler (rolling my eyes) : "Mo ammo, hit like a sledgehammer, easy to hide."
Bob: "Why you no just say so?"
Whistler : Elf Weapon Spec who is quickly becomeing the team medic.
Whistler
Just before we broke into a Lone Star station on a stealth mission.
Raiden - This is a stealth mission. (OOC) I drug the troll.
Drib (said troll & PC) – Huh?
Raiden – Oyasuminasai (“pleasant dreams” in Japanese)
Mojo Jojo 42
The team and their rescued civilians are trying to escape from the parking lot of the Seattle Renraku Archology.
GM (as Phantom): There’s no way out.
Fr. Michael Tenshi: Have faith my son. (Hefts an Ares Dragon's Breath Missile Launcher onto his shoulder and points it at the car park exit blast doors)
GM (as Phantom): Those doors can withstand that missile.
Fr. Michael Tenshi: Yes, they’re designed to do that... from the outside.
A missile and 2 AV rockets later, the party was out and unfortunately (for most of them) on the news as local heroes.
Mojo Jojo 42
Leonard: Great. They’re shooting at us. (OOC) I cast Bullet Barrier on the car.
Rally: Military Blockades tend to do that when you try and break through them.
Leonard: So we’re gonna fight our way through them?
Rally: No. Ever see the Dukes of Hazard?
Leonard: Heh. Cool.
Mojo Jojo 42
Automatic the group MALE rigger runs past the Vampiric Pawns leaps onto the alter grabs the evil statue and throws it to the floor smashing it to pieces. Then he turns to face DrGeisman the Vampire Overlord and says "ooooooooo"
GM (OOC): Automatic, that expensive fashionable designer armoured clothing your wearing
Auto: yeah what about it?
GM: its a dress...a ballgown to be specific
Rabid Bunny
Kim (Obvious Elven Street Mage) walks up to a highly armored door.
Kim: Hello?
Guard: Who's there?
Kim: Um...Cleaning Lady.
Guard: You know you're talking into a camera, right?
Anima
Anima (scrungy/poor-looking Vamp Phys. Adept) is standing outside large building waiting for team. A car pulls up and a troll and a man in a business suit get out.
Anima: Who are you?
Man: We've been hired to help you. Where is everyone?
Anima: They'll be here soon enough.
Man: (looks Anima over) They coming by taxi, or did one of them manage to save up enough for a real car?
Anima: frag you.
Taxi pulls up and the rest of the team piles out.
Anima: Dammit. (punches man)
Anima
Scene: Corp. hallway. Normal men in suits and ties walking around. At the end of the hall, near some elevators, is a large troll (lovingly named Special Ed) in a security uniform. Two PCs enter.
PC1: (trying to pass troll) Hey!
Special Ed: Sorry, little man. You can't go in there.
PC2: Crap.
(Both PCs leave.)
PC1: (reenters dressed in silk business suit, gold cufflinks, Rolex, etc.) Excuse me, (looks at trolls name tag) ...Ed. I have a special assignment for you.
Special Ed: Who are you?
PC1: I'm your boss, man.
(Negotiations roll, 5 successes)
Special Ed: Uh...
PC1: I need you to take these Post-Its and put them on anything that's special.
Special Ed: (takes post it notes and immediately smacks one on PC1, who goes flying ten meters down the hall before even touching the ground) Thanks! You're special!
...Taking the opportunity, PC2 enters behind Ed from the elevator with a rope. He ties the rope to Ed's belt and the ceiling of the elevator. He then presses the "Down" button and stands back.
Moments later: Boss, hellllllp! I'm flying!
Anima
"he cant shoot that far with a pistol" famous last words of MrWhite a former albino dwarf mage
Rabid Bunny
Fenrik (ork merc): can I get dikote for my shotgun flechette rounds?
GM: no
Fenrik: what about for my rifle APDS rounds?
GM:....arggh
Rabid Bunny
Rally: I just completed the “Road Runner”. The *fastest* motorcycle ever built.
Leonard: Cool. Can I ride it?
Rally: Not unless you want to be a very long smear on the road.
Mojo Jojo 42
Leonard: I’m bagging the drugs in the cabinet
Collector: I’m bagging the drugs from Lenny’s bag
Mojo Jojo 42
The team was in the Seattle Renraku Archology for the second time and Boogiepop (Decker/Samurai) was decking in the medical commuters to steal information.
GM: You see large chunks of data disappearing all around you.
Boogiepop: drek! I jack out quickly!
GM: You come to in the real work and see the Collector prying data chips from the computer and putting them in her chip carrier.
Boogiepop: GODDAMMIT MAXINE!!
Collector: What? What did I do?
Mojo Jojo 42
GM:Ok, you see 3 meter long cockroaches coming toward you..
Kirk(StreetSam):Jesus! 3m long cockroaches!?
GM:No, 3, one meter long cockroaches..sorry.
Kirk: Oh, ok. I shoot one of them.
GM:Ok you hit behind their heads...
Kirk:They have multiple heads!?
GM: No..no, behind it's head. You hit it behind it's head.
Kirk:Maybe I should try decaf.
GM: Ya think?
Sandman
Muscle(Streetsam troll)turns around to look at the ganger with the light machinegun.
Muscle:Never shoot a troll in the back with a LIGHT machinegun.
Muscle then proceeds to teach the ganger the error of his ways.
Sandman
Raiden (Human Physad): If I start glowing blue, start running away.
Mojo Jojo 42
The team had just pulled off a near impossible escape from High Threat Response security teams and their Bulldog Stepvan was being chased by a dozen persuit cars (the Yellow Jackets had already been destroyed).
Raiden (OOC): I open the back door.
GM: OK, you open the back door and gunfire starts flying into the van's interior. Everyone make a dodge test (everyone succeeded).
Raiden (OOC): I pull the pins and throw all my remainging grenades out the back to act like caltrops.
Drib (OOC): I do the same.
GM: How many grenades is that?
Raiden and Drib (OOC): ... 26.
GM: $#!+
Mojo Jojo 42
"You have a twelve strength what the hell is in that thing?" The rigger after finding the Street/Bio sam's footlocker, marked "For emergency use only."
Drake
The team was once again in the Seattle Renraku Archology and due to an incident in an elevator shaft, Static had gotten separated from the rest of the party and decided to meet the them party in the fusion plant (which is where their objective was) instead of trying to find them straight away... This was his last run.
Static: I look round the corner.
GM: You see 2 drones patrolling outside the elevator. They kind of look like robot panthers.
Static: I throw a couple of grenades around the corner.
GM: Ok, a few seconds later you hear 2 explosions.
Static: Ok. I go round the corner and press the elevator button to go down.
GM: You have to get past the 2 drones first, which now know you’re there.
Mojo Jojo 42
Everyone except Saxra (the PC that got the sword): Oh God! Not ANOTHER sword.
In reference to the fact that whenever the party recieved a special sword, it meant they were about to get screwed over by someone very powerful.
Mojo Jojo 42
After Theo (human rigger) fires Eddie G's (Troll Weapon Specialist) Great Dragon Missle Launcher, firing the only Anti-Tank missle at a helicopter.
Eddie and Quervo (Humam Street Sam.) are trying to beat off a Cyber-Zombie (Like the HUGE robot from Robocop) while waiting for Frag-Ferg (Elf Phys Ad) to get to the 'getaway' van.
GM: Has anyone seen the Transporter?
Most of the player's raise their hands.
GM: The missle flies towards the helicopter and... (rolls some dice) misses the helicopter completely...
Players (ooc) groan...
GM: And then turns around, flying back towards the Cyber-zombie, the most tank-like object there.
Eddie & Quervo: drek!
Later, after the use of _Hand_Of_God_, and a successful survival and getaway.
Eddie G.: Theo, your Missle Launching privaliges have been revoked.
Eddie G.
During the retaking of the Seattle Renraku Archology, the runners had to pass through one of the ground level battle zones to get to their objective and ran into a Renraku Physical Adept.
Leonard: He’s only armed with a weapon focus? I shoot him with the Panther Assault Cannon I picked up.
GM: He does a Matrix on you as he slashes with his katana.
Leonard: drek. How much do I have to soak?
GM: None, but you notice the ammo belt for your cannon is no longer attached.
Mojo Jojo 42
While doing a run in Iran, the runners were trying to hide from the great dragon Aden, the first to been found was Thor, the elven combat mage.
GM: Suddenly you feel a warm breeze behind you.
Thor: I slowly turn around.
GM: Well, there is the face of Aden, looking straight at you, less than a meter from you.
Thor: I cast mindlink on him, whats the target number?
overseer
PC: (after finding out no weapons are going to be allowed inside a meeting)What's the target number to shove a sword up my character's ass?
GM stares.
PC: Oh, right! And a sheath?
Anima
Two of the runners, the mercenary (Hound) and the driver (Axl) have been sent to retrieve a datachip from a bus station locker while the rest of the team watches the decker whom they tortured the location of said chip out of.
GM: "You open the locker and inside is a black briefcase."
Axl: "I take the briefcase out of the locker."
Hound: "Great, let's get back to the warehouse and…"
Axl: "I open the case and look inside to verify that the chip is there."
Hound: "No! Don't… (OOC) OK, what damage code do I have to resist?"
Insidious
In a starting run a remade old character named Macbeth(loud angry Scottish Troll Phys Ad.) got asked by Tank(very cybered and bioed Russian Ork street sam) "So, where are you from?"
Macbeth: "I've got the kilt, the claymore, the accent... I'm from North Brooklyn*said sarcasticly*"
Tank: "Oh... so your from Ireland."
Dormanu
So, we were hired to do a drive-by on some mafia folks. Stole a van, did the job, got paid. All is done and well. So, I("Thundering" Jake, the ghoul), rip out the van's sound system and sell it, making myself about 50 nuyen. Using this nuyen, I purchase a pole, some fishing wire, and the biggest damned sammich I can find. I tie the fishing wire to one end of the pole, and then to the sammich. Using this sammich-on-a-string, I lure into an alleyway three hobos. Before they have time to react, I blast them with my Remington 950. This gives me an idea. I eat what I wish of the hobos, then put the leftovers in tupperware containers labeled "Hobo-To-Go". And thus, a new fast-food chain was born. It is my dream to open a fast-food chain that caters to ghouls. I'll leave a message here when Hobo-To-Go opens in Seattle, and another when we're shut down by Lone Star.
Kerish
“Hey Krass! What's the speed limit of sex?” asked Drassel snidely. Krass didn’t even look up from his work “ That’s easy lamebrain it’s 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.”
The Great Krass!
Krass spoke to Ronilion, “If ass holes could fly this place would be an airport!”
The Great Krass
Krass spoke to Ronilion, “If ass holes could fly this place would be an airport!”
The Great Krass
“Today, if you are not confused, you are just not thinking clearly.” Devlin Krass to Ronilion
The Great Krass
“What, she’s not a virgin? Well she was at some time, that’s good enough for us!”
Rahvin
“What’s an elephant?” asked Harpin (cyberwarrior) suddenly distracted. Diamond (elf adept)smiled, “A mythical beast with lots of hair and two long teeth. It smells awful even with a big nose.” Harpin looked unconvinced, “There aren’t no such thing.” He stated bluntly.
Diamond
Rahvin (Vampire cyber warrior) looked at Harpin (cyberwarrior) in shock, “What? You really think the Tree Monkey (referring to Diamond) was planning on snatching her here? You should know by now he never does anything THAT obvious. He doesn’t even take a piss without a backup plan or three and then he usually just winds up going in your shoes.
Rahvin
Heart (gnome decker and teckie) laughed insultingly, “Do you know how hard it is to out finesse yourself when you're on BOTH sides? In this case I have a dozen sides.”
Twiggs spoke under his breath to Rahvin, “What’s he crying about he has enough lard to be a hundred sides.” Rahvin nodded in agreement which was almost a first for him.
Diamond
Harpin (explaining to Heart why he failed in his task)looked irritated as Rahvin and Twiggs smirked. “It wasn’t my fault! They got me drunk on Livyanu rum and I woke up the next day with her in bed lying on my arm. I considered chewing the arm off because she was so UGLY but I didn’t want to take the chance of waking her up. She looked OK at three in the morning but changed fast at sunrise.” He stated ruefully.
Twiggs snickered, “Yeah, we watched her eating that whole chicken while you were getting pie eyed. The grease running down her face was enough to make a maggot gag. We just knew it would be instant love. I hear she's still trying to find you and claims that you both got married during your drunken spree. Now that’s some family problems. I hear troll females have a tendency to eat their husbands during the pregnancy.”
Rahvin snickered. "Sounds like a case of coyote love to me."
Harpin his mouth opened looked stunned and yes even fearful.
Diamond
Drassel to Krass angrily, “When did you first learn to compromise Sheep butts?”
The Great Krass
"Krass is useless on top of the ground he aught to be under it, inspiring the cabbages."
The Great Krass
" I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault." Eon stated to the other members of the party as she spun Krass. “You say psycho like it’s a BAD thing.”
The Great Krass
“Krass? He never opens his mouth without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
The Great Krass
In negotiations with Lone Star for a bail bond!
Krass looked cunningly at Drassel. “Well I'll gladly put up my partner as collateral. He's bland, lackluster, and a little on the faulty side, but I'm told he's worth something. Haven't figured out what yet, but SOMETHING.”
The Great Krass
“OK so we all started by screwing the pooch and I simply hope we can hide the extent of that fact from the Johnson otherwise we are going to look like prime asses for the rest of our lives.”
The Great Krass
Krass glared blearily and angrily at Eon. “So now you do side shows? Why don’t you just stick to being a female impersonator? If I throw a stick will you leave?”
The Great Krass
Eon, irritated, glared in his direction. “How can anyone still keep talking while their puking and dizzy?” She groused at the rest of the team.
“That’s nothing new,” stated Drassel seriously, “I think Krass would be still talking even if he lost his head. They say the same thing happened to Rasputin when they chopped off his head, he mumbled for sometime afterward. Although it wasn’t reported what he was actually saying at the time.”
From the other side of the couch Krass looked up and stared pointedly at Eon’s chest, “It’s a dead heat in the Zeppelin Race today.” He then ducked back down as Eon looked confused and then shocked as she realized what Krass was referring to. Her face slowly turned red.
Drassel moved his head in negation, “No Krass, I don’t think Rasputin said that, they didn’t have Zeppelin’s in his day.”
The Great Krass
Krass to Drassel who is aiming a shotgun at him. “I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are! I mean rock-hard stupid! Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid! World-class, A-1, top of the heap, triple whopper with cheese, super-sized stupid! So stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid! One-of-a-kind, global, universal, intergalactic stupid! You are trans-stupid, stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed.”
“ Stupid so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularly, extraordinarily, incredibly, bewilderingly stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your life is a monument to stupidity. I am breathless that anyone or anything in our universe can really be this stupid. You are a primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of stupidity that we know. You are a veritable behemoth, a leviathan, and a colossus of stupidity.
Drassel smiled back and pulled the trigger again and spoke quietly. "Flattery will get you nowhere.
The Great Krass
Krass to Eon after he got spun. "I thought Drassel was the incarnation of stupid, but I see I was wrong. You are the Deity of Stupid that all idiots bow before. The very definition of stupid was written to perfectly match you, and yet does not even begin to truly describe just how outrageously stupid you really are. You are so overwhelmingly stupid that you actually exude a tangible aura of pure, untainted, stupidity!
Eon: "Keep talking like that Drek-for-Brains and you might be getting some more air miles!"
The Great Krass
Krass and Eon trying to make contact with a corp. exec.
"The ultraviolet flow of pimpin' ain't easy these days but somebody's gotta do it" He looked at Eon . "Selling your hoop to this guy ain't going to be easy!"
The Great Krass
Krass shook his fist angrily. “Customize sheep butts? This coming from a guy who uses insecticide on his rubbers? Go screw yourself and you might kill that bug up your dead hoop!"
The Great Krass
The Speed Limit of Sex!
Eon to Krass, "And you don't dare go 70 because if you make one slip your in the drek!"
The Great Krass
Ronilion looked at Krass evenly and spoke quietly. “You realize that the shotgun you gave Drassel just set his hoop up to be arrested by the authorities inside? I can’t believe you set him up with something so patently stupid.”
Krass smiled thinly, “That boy is not the brightest light in the cosmos is he. I never give out anything for free to anyone. There’s always a price. I learned that lesson from an old X-girlfriend called Arase when she hung me out to dry. Now that lady was a real slice of Hell,” he stated almost fondly.
The Great Krass
The Great Krass after he framed Drassel.
"Some people are like Slinky’s, not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs."
The Great Krass
Eon said to Krass as he tried to pimp her to the corp exec. "Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken."
The Great Krass
"I was only looking at your nametag, HONEST!" Krass to Eon explaining his Zeppelin remarks.
The Great Krass
"Friends don't let friends take ugly women home." Heart said to diamond and Rahvin after they set Harpin up with the Troll.
Diamond looked at Rahvin in relief, "Good I thought we might get in trouble there for a minute."
Rahvin Maniac
Krass screaming as Eon spins him one handed in the air, "I didn't do it! I'm going to so sue you! Put me down and climb back on your broom. Why is she acting like this?"
Dr. Patterson, "They call it "PMS" because Mad Cow Disease" was already taken."
The Great Krass
Chrome: I think he'll help us...
Alex: He met us at the door with a shotgun!
Chrome: Just a little one.
ALex: The term is 'sawed off'.
Pixel
Heart speaking to Rahvin and Diamond, "The Johnson wants to see you two morons. I don't think he is happy about your screwing things up."
Harpin smiling, "I'll bet they both have less ass when they come out!"
Heart, "On which end?"
The Four Aces and a Joker!
Proof positive that you can’t lead if no one follows.
Eon glared, “I told those idiots no one was to go in! Don’t they listen? Stupid thought, obviously not! She put the shotgun away and keyed her radio. Turning her back to Krass, Drassel and Ronilion she yelled. “Patterson, Luddington get back out here NOW you two Bozo’s!”
Patterson answered almost immediately, “Frag off nimrod, we’re enjoying dinner. I’m having the Surf and Turf Menu, Prime Angus Beef steak with Lobster while my friend here did the Greek menu and went for the Sardeles Pastes, which looks like fragging sardines, in olive oil and lemon. He has something called Medusa sauce on it. Actually it doesn’t look half bad and I tried some of the sauce on my lobster. It was pretty good. Luddington is drinking ouzo with that. While I went with a nice Madeira.”
“Shut UP,” stated Eon in disgust, “I’m not interested in a recitation of gourmet’s daily. You’re suppose to be out here working as a team and no one was supposed to go in till I gave the OK.”
Patterson laughing, “Hey Duckweed! You couldn’t lead buzzards to a dead carcass. So shut up and let me get on with my dinner. You know, the one I am paying for?
Krass, “ You know what many leaders need today, is a bunch of dumb guys who are willing to follow.’ He smiled at the furious Eon, “If you think you are a leader and no one is following, maybe you are just out for a walk.”
The Great Krass
Eon trying to lead.
"I hate this fragging job!"
Krass, "George Busch 2004!"
The Great Krass
"I don't want that floozy in my Jacuzi!" stated Krass as he ran from Eon's retribution.
The Great Krass
Krass puzzled by his partner’s fascination spoke quietly. “Why are you looking at that bowl of soup?”
Drassel looked at Krass seriously. “Did you ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?”
Krass glared at his partner, “I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.”
The Great Krass
Eon, still trying to pull the group together, “My life sucks!”
Krass, “Your life sucks because you suck, and you have bad karma. It must be all those guys you’ve said ‘No’ to. They’re all cursing you for not putting out.”
Eon glared back and then spoke cattily, “You know Krass, I’d listen more closely to what you have to say, but I keep getting distracted by all the flying diarrhea.”
Krass shrugged, “OK then don’t ask me, ask your lover—Satan.”
The Great Krass
Drassel watched in some amusement as Krass ran past him with Eon in hot pursuit, “Why is Eon chasing you this time lame-brain?”
Krass somewhat winded as Eon continued to gain rapidly, “Eon was wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?" He continued racing as Drassel shook his head in disgust.
The Great Krass
"Stupid should be your first, last and middle name. You are the Primal force of Stupid. Your mother not only hankered after guys who spelled UGLY with more than one 'G' but she also went for guys who were the founding fathers of the words, moron, inbecile, fool, ass, idiot, and lamebrain. Then you went and got hit by a gigantic 'stupid' ray." Krass stated to Drassel.
The Great Krass
Drassel with his best Elmer Fudd impression spoke, “Shhhh! Be vewy vewy quiet. I’m hunting sleaze-bags. Can you direct me to Devlin Krass?”
The Great Krass
Eon looking at Krass as she talked to Ronilion,“When dealing with scum my motto has always been to shoot first, then a second time. If you still have ammo, shoot again. Reload if need be, and then ask questions.”
Ronilion nodded in agreement, "Stupid is as stupid dies."
The Great Krass
"Beware of Schwartzenbimbo." stated Krass to Ronilion after Eon chased himn down.
The Great Krass
Krass once again caught by Eon delivers in his usual style. "You know Eon there between you being the boss and the Pope being the boss."
Eon warily looked at Krass.
Krass spoke quickly, "The Pope only expects me to kiss his ring!"
The Great Krass
Ronilion to Eon as she grabbed Krass, ""Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
the Great Krass
Eon to Krass, "You know we have been fueding alot and I want to get something off my chest."
Krass leering, "OK baby what's that."
Eon smiling, "Your eyes!" She then proceeded to blacken both of them.
The Great Krass
"Why are you always messing with Eon?" asked Drassel of his partner, "Don't you realize that she can frog-march you anywhere?"
"Eon is like most women." replied Krass, "If you upset her a little she nags you. If you upset her more you get the silent treatment. I think the extra effort is worth it."
The Great Krass
"Where's Eon?" asked Drassel.
"At the Mall," responded Krass, "She's looking for a new armored bra called the Sheepdog."
"Why the Sheepdog?" Drassel asked looking puzzled.
Krass grinning insidiously, "It rounds them up and points them in the right direction."
The Great Krass
Arrested by Lone Star for rustling, Drassel is defending both himself and Krass in court.
"Honest your honor it wasn't like it seems, my partner was only helping the sheep over the fence after it escaped and he had no other intentions!"
Gm; (Judge) looking at Krass in Spandex and little else, "Is that true?"
Krass leared at the judge, "Don't you believe it baby, Welcome to the Awakened World where the Men are men, the women, like Eon are too, and the sheeps hoops are sore! I'll bet you would look good in wool and I'll bet you're a sweater, not a moaner or a screamer."
GM: Dumbfounded!
The Great Krass
Drassel whispering to his partner frantically, "Krass you just hit on the judge!"
Krass nodded, "I sure did and if she's agreeable I'll be feeling so much better soon."
The Great Krass
Judge, glaring at Krass. "Just what did you think you were doing? It was obvious that you and your partner, despite his lame attempt to lie, were stealing those sheep!"
Krass shrugging, "I blame it on holo. I saw a rerun of Jason and the Nu-Yen Fleas."
Drassel, "That's Fleece you idiot!" while waiting for the judge to let ten tons of Drek down on their heads.
Krass, "That's the point lamebrain, I wasn't after the sheep I was after the fleas! There's a midget flea circus that pays top yen for them. I was actually performing a public service here. The sheep are happier, the fleas are happier and the midgets are happier. So you could be nice and say that Justice has been Serviced."
Drassel starts crying like a baby.
The Great Krass
Judge after Krass's fast talk and pursuasion rolls, "You mean you really were after fleas? Well I guess you haven't lied to me yet."
Gm makes a face. "Since there is no law against flea rustling I guess all we can charge you with is criminal trepass and contempt of court."
Krass, "How about we talk those other two charges over at your place and I'll show you the difference between trespass and seduction? In the morning you will also know the difference between contempt and one-nighter."
The Great Krass
Ben Dover, NPC prisoner, "So what are you two guys in for."
Krass, "About 90 days."
Ben, "No I mean what did you do?"
Drassel pointing at Krass, "He pissed off the Judge."
Ben nodding, "That would do it all right."
Krass ruefully, "I guess I just gave her too much oral or not enough. It's hard to judge these things."
The Great Krass
Eon looked startled as Drassel and Krass arrived at the meeting. "Where the heck have you two been for the last three months."
Krass just having gotten out after 90 days for Public Nuisance and Contempt of Court smiled, "We graduated today."
Eon looked warily at the pair, "Graduated from where?"
Krass, "The Uncle Fester School of Hair Styling. Want a haircut? I start low and work my way up."
The Great Krass
Luddington the Priest shook his finger at Krass, "If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil. You could be a Great Force in this world of sinners."
"I already am a Great Force in this world dumb ass, I see no evil, hear no evil," Krass looked pointedly at Eon, "and I date no evil."
The Great Krass
Eon slammed her fist into the palm of her hand as she glared at Krass, "You know most men that I know that are as annoying as you are dead!"
Krass smiled back, "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"
The Great Krass
"You have a strange religious background, my son, have you never studied the gospel?" Luddington the priest asked still trying to convert Krass
"In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Eon. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested." Quoted Krass solemly, "I don't think I need to know anything else."
The Great Krass
Having been caught selling fake pills for weight reduction Krass responds to the charges, "Well I never... if I had any feelings that could well have injured them!"
Ronilion calmly, "Don't give me that. I would have to believe in the tooth fairy first. The only feelings you ever had turned out to be gas."
The Great Krass
Talking rapidly to a prospect. "These pills will let you get into pants you couldn't get into three years ago, guarranteed."
Customer (NPC) looking dubious, "I don't know, that's an awful big promise, do you have any proof?"
Krass, "Take one pill now at half price and watch the results." Customer hands over money and takes pill.
Krass smiles, "Hey Eon! Would you come hear a minute." Krass looks at the customer and points at Eon coming around the corner, "How about THOSE pants?"
Customer smiles. Eon warily "What are you up to?"
Krass whispers to Eon, "He wants to buy your pants but he wants to try them on first, humor him and be nice."
The Great Krass
Eon, "I am NOT taking off my pants in the middle of the street."
Krass jumping up and down. "Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants."
Eon angrily, "Don't threaten me you little toad or I'll disconnect your bones and beat you into and unreconizable shape."
The Great Krass
"OK so the pill didn't work out like I planned," Krass said to the customer ruefully, "Maybe I can intereest you in a 'POT' TART?" He finished looking at Eon.
The Great Krass
Player 1 (whispered): Don't shoot the computer! Someone will hear it!
Player 2 (whispered): Don't worry. I have a silencer.
Player 1 (OOC): I dive out of the room and hide.
Result: Mission complete after some VERY good stealth and athletics rolls
Mojo Jojo 42
"I need to go get cleaned up if the THING that looks like a Bimbo and acts like Godzilla will let me. Maybe I should just call Eon an 'IT' since it is obvious that she is not human.”
Eon glared at Krass, "Stop calling me IT."
Krass pointing, "IT IT IT!"
The Great Krass
Drassel talking to Eon outside the Doc Wagon after their latest run in.
"You are really to hard on Krass," stated Drassel, "he is hard to understand but not really as bad as he makes out."
Eon glared at Drassel, "I see Krass all to clearly. The fact that he ordered two hammocks and gift wrapped them as bra's for me was inexcusable."
Drassel looked at her calmly. "It was his way of complimenting you. You see Krass occasionally stumbles over the truth but always manages to pick himself up and hurries on as if nothing has happened."
The Great Krass
Eon explaining to Ronilion why she put Krass in the hospital. "Krass couldn't be a bigger ass if was attached to Orson Welles backside!"
The Great Krass
Ronilion visiting Krass at the hospital notes the runner is in traction. It appears he has been making comments to the nurses. "Every time you open your mouth you stick both feet in. You have to stop making those comments to Eon or she is going to kill you."
Krass shruggs, "It's her fault."
Ronilion confused, "You did send her the hammocks right? She didn't do anything to you before that. How is it her fault?"
Krass, "Well she was wearing this dress you see and it looked like someone had poured her into it."
Ronilion now more confused, "I don't understand."
"Well, I told her that it looked like no one had stopped pouring." finished Krass with a smile. Ronilion shook his head in disgust.
The Great Krass
Eon to Krass in the hospital, "I've come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are."
Krass looked up at her from his bed, "Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you just be yourself."
The Great Krass
Eon is rolling the protesting Krass's bed towards the operating room. After trashing several security personel the diminutive teenage girl is smiling.
"No one will ever know that you've had a lobotomy, if you wear a wig to hide to the scars and learn to control the slobbering." She stated to Krass smiling as he struggled to get loose.The others were trying to talk her out of it.
The Great Krass
Ronilion to Eon, "I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for not operating on Krass. He is after all one of the group."
Eon looked at the Ronilion grimly, "I didn't stop for that reason. It was just that I realized if I had made him any dumber I would have been the one that would have had to water him twice a week."
The Great Krass
Johnson speaking to Eon who is in disguise as Krass's secretary. "I would like to see Mr Krass please, I have an appointment."
Eon in very revealing tight fitting dress smiles politely at the Johnson, points to Krass across the office talking with others dressed as suits. "That's him over there Sir, the one that looks like a Pekinese dipped in public hair."
The Great Krass
Johnson speaking to Krass whispers, "That is some secretary you have there. Does she put out?"
Krass, "Nope, she's so pure even Moses couldn't part her legs."
The Great Krass
Krass to Eon, "Mr Johnson and I would like some lunch. Can you take our orders and fetch it for us, Luv?"
Eon dutifully and demurely takes pencil and paper in hand and crossing her legs waits.
Krass, "I'll have the McHooters, deluxe" Looks at Johnson and smiles, "Do you like Rump Roast?"
The Great Krass
Krass smiling at the priest, "You know padre I always wondered why you have to be quiet in church."
Luddington smiled back, "Well Mr. Krass it is because it allows you to commune with the Lord better. When your constantly talking like you have a tendency to do, you drown out the Lord's voice and the wisdom he tries to impart."
"Also you might wake up all the people that are sleeping off their Saturday night and that would be so rude." added Ronilion dryly.
The Great Krass
"You know Krass, a sharp tongue is no indication of an intelligent mind." Eon said, "Why don't you go educate yourself?"
Krass smiled at Eon. "I've been accosted by people like you before. I have always had to PAY for it though."
The Great Krass
Eon has gone out to fetch the dinners for Krass and the Johnson. She managed to maintain a calm and professional manner until she got out and met with Ronilion, Patterson and Luddington. "Krass has his head so far up his hoop he can chew is food twice!"
The Great Krass
Ronilion and the Priest are still trying to calm Eon down.
"They don't make people like Krass anymore, but I think I should castrate him just to be sure!" Eon stated holding up a plastic knife at the local McBeasts.
The Great Krass
Drassel is explaining Krass to Eon in an effort to calm her down.
"Ordinarily he is insane. But he has lucid moments when he is only stupid." Drassel explained seriously.
Eon went to the back of her expensive car and removed a portable flame thrower and smiled, "I'll give that bastard a Rump Roast and well done it will be!"
Luddington, "Uh Guys? I don't think she is listening.
The Great Krass
Eon is still angry at Krass as Doctor Patterson tries to convince her to wait. The others are wary of the flame thrower she is still carrying.
Patterson trying to be convincing, "We need Krass on this assignment. He has gotten us some sweet jobs that have paid off well. If you kill him we have to get a new fixer and this job will be down the tubes. Besides he is great with the gear and finances."
Eon finally nods, "Let me just roast him a little. He deserves it. That Neanderthal is asking for it."
Drassel spoke as well, "It's all part of the Krass numerology. "Everyone looked at him blankly. "C'mon guys it's not rocket science here. Krass adds trouble, subtracts pleasure, divides attention and multiplies ignorance."
The Great Krass
Eon has delivered the meals to the office and quietly went back to her work. Krass having no idea how close he came to getting roasted leans over her back as she is sitting so he can look down her dress.
He whispers to her, "I finally figured out what sign you were born under, Red Light District." He then went into his office to talk to the Johnson.
Eon grimly to herself, "Why am I always stuck on the down escalator of life?"
The Great Krass
GM: The Johnson is coming on to you.
Rally: Tell him I'm a professional woman that doesn't do that sort of thing.
GM: He's still coming on to you.
Rally: Tell him I legally carry a hand cannon that can punch holes through trucks.
GM: ... He backs away.
Mojo Jojo 42
OOC: "I give the Doctor a virtual wedgie."
The Great Krass
Krass to Drassel, "OK now your supposed to date the corporate secretary and pump her for information. It should have been my job but for some reason Eon thinks I'll blow it."
Drassel looking warily at Krass, "I assume this is going some where? What information do you offer?"
Krass nodded, "Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too."
Drassel glared at Krass, "Yes I can see where a lifetime of practice has brought you."
Krass, "
The Great Krass
"Any idiot can get laid when they're famous. That's easy. It's getting laid when you're not famous that takes some talent." Krass continued to explain to Drassel.
The Great Krass
"Krass is a bowling ball waiting for an alley." Ronilion said to Drassel in preparation for his assignment. "I think I would take his advice with a grain of salt."
Eon chimed in as well, "Krass is a loathsome reptile. There is more beauty in my smallest fart than Krass has in his whole body."
The Great Krass
Drassel has returned from the date looking ragged. He has several bruisers and looks like he has gone several rounds with the combat bikers.
Eon looked at him in alarm, "My God Greg, what happened to you? You were only supposed to go on a date?"
Drassel looked at Eon blearily, "She was a lady short on looks, absolutely deprived of any sense of dress code, she had a figure like a Jurassic Monster. She was very greedy when it came to Nu-Yen, she had no tact, and she looked like she ate her own young."
Eon thoughtful, "I hate to admit it but Krass was right we should have sent him. You found his soul-mate."
The Great Krass
Krass has just seen Drassel's torn up appearence. He starts laughing uncontrollably.
Drassel glares in puzzlement, "What the Frag is so funny?"
Krass still rolling, "It looks like the Dove of Peace drekked on you."
The Great Krass
Explaining Eon's philosophy to Ronilion.
"She bellies up to the gourmet cracker-barrel and delivers laid-back wisdom with the serenity of a down-home Buddha who has discovered that stool softeners really work."
The Great Krass
"If I were married to you I would put poison in your coffee!" Eon said angrily to Krass.
"If I were married to you," rejoined Krass with a smile, "I would drink it."
The Great Krass
Arguing as usual with Eon.
"Who would date a slimy, poisonous toad like you?"
"I get so much action that I have to spray WD40 on my zipper twice a week!" Krass smiled as he held up a can.
The Great Krass
"We do DREK, like you ain't never seen before!"
Ad for the Shadowrunners Team called Retrosexuals"
The Great Krass
So the team was supposed to meet a new member that's supposed to be helping them out during their current status as on the run. The new member is a very eccentric man named "Cowboy" who acts as though the world still conforms to the rules of the Old West. So he goes walking up to the party in full cowboy gear, spurs boots the whole nine yards. During the meeting the they start talking about bar fights.
Cowboy: Sure I been in quite a few tussles. Even got the bottle scars to prove it see. (he promptly bends down to show his scars).
Crow (Native American Bounty Hunter)OOC: I'm bending down and looking for the scars.
GM: You don't see any.
Crow OOC: I'm gonna grab a bottle and hit him with it to make one.
Gm: Okay. You gonna Dodge Cowboy or take the hit.
Cowboy OOC: I'll take it.
After Damage is over Cowboy takes nothing.
Cowboy: No no no. Ya didn't do it right. (Hands the bottle back to Crow) Try again.
Dandemented
During the same encounter Crow (Native American Bounty Hunter), Cowboy (Gun toting Adept), the Kid (Cybered Troll Adept), Bosch (An Ork Ganger), and Mr. White (A Dwarf Adept), are talking.
Cowboy: So I bet ya that ya can't hurt me with that. How much cash ya got on ya?
Crow: I dont' have any cash.
Cowboy: Oh... (looks very sorry) I'm sorry did ya just get off the reservation.
Crow OOC: I'm gonna tap him with my stun gloves.
Gm: Cowboy are you gonna dodge?
Cowboy: No I have no idea it's coming.
After damage and everything Cowboy is on the ground knocked out. Crow gets on his bike and rides away mad.
the Kid: What's a reservation?
Dandemented
Eon let's Krass know he has a visitor, "Mr. Krass, the IRS is here to see you about you taxes. They say you have been doing SIN-less work on the side and haven't reported it."
Krass replied, "Why is it that on every 15th of April I have a rondevous with debt? 100 years ago I could purchase a car for 2,000 and now it's the fragging sales tax!"
The Great Krass
IRS NPC: "Mr Krass, we find your income tax does not add up properly."
Krass nodding, "You did it wrong, your using the OLD Math and I use New Math. You guys should get up to date and do it like they teach it!"
The Great Krass
IRS handing Krass a stack of forms, "You neglected to file the fifty new E Z forms Mr Krass."
Krass looks through the sheaf, "OH Joy! I can see the tax forms have been simplified beyond all understanding. How could I be so blessed? At least the forms are free."
IRS smiling, "Well not really, we add the cost to your tax. That is what we call a 'hidden' tax. You see we really never do away with a tax, we just hide it better."
The Great Krass
IRS auditor perring closely at the forms, "Mr Krass it says here you are unmarried and have no relatives living with you so how come your claiming a dependent here?"
Krass, looking closely as well, "I remembered to claim my most expensive dependent, Yhe UCAS government."
The Great Krass
Krass sobbing, "I've been ruined! They took it all."
Eon smiling, "Yes, but you avoided the tax on brains because you don't have any."
Krass glared at Eon, "Behind every great man stands a woman and the IRS. One takes the credit and the other takes the cash."
The Great Krass
OOC: In the Awakened World Death has become more prevalent, so why should taxes not have made strides as well? I have never seen a tax that has gone away. It has just been renamed to protect the despicable. Good Gaming all you slags and slitches!
The Great Krass
Situation: I am looking out for an orc buddy as he goes under the knife for some cybersurgery.
Me:To the Doc, "So how much will it cost me to have you put a cranial bomb in there too?"
PCP
Krass is racing down the street followed by a determined and angry Eon. He passes Ronilion and Drassel and yells, "Help! I'm the victim of MAD FRAU DISEASE!"
Drassel looks in puzzlement at Ronilion, "That's odd I didn't know Eon was German, I thought she was Chinese?"
Ronilion looked dumbfounded at Drassel for a moment and saw he was serious. "Stupidity can be a force for good or evil, with you it's a genetic inheritance."
The Great Krass
Krass has been complaining to Ronilion about the IRS audit. Ronilion nodded his head in sympathy, "For every act of genius, there is an equal and opposite government program. It's the law of the universe."
The Great Krass
Eon is having a theological discussion with Father Luddington. He has been telling her about the three wisemen. Eon listens thoughtfully and then comments.
"You know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead of three wise MEN, don't you? They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and would have brought practical gifts!"
The Great Krass
Luddington looked thoughtfully at Eon a moment and then replied quietly.
"If it had been Three Wise Women Ms Eon, they would have gotten lost, which is why they would have had to ask directions in the first place. Most likely they would have ended up in downtown Seattle rather than Bethlehem. Most woman I know would have refused to spend the night in a barn and the complaints would have been never ending. Besides I suspect Our Lord Jesus COULD have made it on his own. As for cleaning a stable I have never seen a woman that would do it but poor Joseph would have been told by all three in excrutiating detail about how to go about it. Casseroles are usually disgusting and considering what women use to experiment with them I doubt anyone would have really wanted one. As for practical gifts I don't think a hair dryer, mousse, or an cute little ear ring would have qualified."
The Great Krass
Eon looked at Luddington, "You play with words Priest. Did I not state they are Wise Women?"
Krass at that moment entered the door and hearing the statement immediately replied, "There is no such thing as a 'Wise Woman'." He noticed Eon glaring at him, "You want proof? I did a poll once. The one thing a woman thinks is essential to life is a shopping mall."
The Great Krass
Krass still running away, as usual, yells back to Eon in an effort to distract her with fast talk before he gets pounded into dog food.
"Hey Eon what sexual position produces the ugliest children?"
Eon, who is not amused nor distracted replies grimly, "You can ask your mother that question when you get out of the hospital."
The Great Krass
Krass speaking to Drassel about his upcoming operation after Eon has pounded him into snail snot. "If the troll keeps trashing me at this rate I'll have more chrome than her Nightsky."
The Great Krass
Luddington still instructing Eon states quietly, "When properly married and under the laws of God, sex can be a beautiful thing between two people."
Krass nodded in agreement, "But between five it's fantastic and ten is even better!"
"
The Great Krass
I was GM'ing a group traipsing through the sewers looking for two gang leaders. This is there first game together, and one players first time to ever play. No one knows what each of the starting charters stats are so everyone is on edge and not quite sure of each other. While walking down three quarters of the way down an extremely long tunnel, the water was starting to rise. The Human Merc (Charlie), Human Face (Eye) and Dog Shapeshifter (Brutus) were forced to deeply wade up to there chest the rest, our Troll Minotaur (ULUL) Street Samurai wearing Heavy Security Armor was forced to carry our Dwarf Rat Shaman (Skitch) the last 50 meters and is not happy about it. At the end of the tunnel was a large room circular room. There was not a visible exit from inside the tunnel where they were waiting. A ladder was visible at the opposite from the tunnel about 30 meters away. The ladder let to a steel grating landing all around about 10 feet from the ground.
Dog: What do you think we should do?
Face: Have someone peak out and see if there is anyone on the landing above.
Merc: Are you crazy? I am not going to do that.
Skitch: I know, we can get the Troll to do it!
ULUL (who has an intelligence of 5 unknown to anyone): ULUL not stupid!!
And throws the dwarf up the landing above.
Dwarf lived thanks to bad roles on my part and GREAT roles on the Dwarfs and Mercs.
U_Fester
OOC to the group and DM:
"I'm sorry, the magnificent genius commonly known as Krass can not come to the phone right now. Please do not leave a message after the beep you sorry waste of proteins. BEEP. This especially includes the hopped up harlot."
GM: "Even out of game Krass is a prime hoop hole. You got to love it."
The Great Krass
GM: "You have to admit he wears the name of Krass with all the pride of a drek kicked mongrel. It is always a pleasure and a real bite in the shorts to GM a game Krass is in."
The Great Krass
Drassel has been waiting impatiently for his partner to show up for a meeting.
"Where the heck have you been? We were supposed to close the deal with Mr. Johnson 506 last night and you never showed. It's two fragging AM now."
Krass swaying as if drunk slurrs, "I was golfing."
Drassel glared, "You can't play golf at night you lard head."
Krass nodded innocently, "Sure I could I used Night Clubs."
The Great Krass
Eon tapping her foot arms folded as she stares at Krass spoke in an icy tone of voice.
"You grabbed my hoop you miserable low life. Then you try to explain it away as 'harmless fun'. Before I twist you into a pretzel and burn your hands off do you have anything to say?"
Krass starting to back away and looking for running room replies, "Harmless fun to me is getting thirty friends, putting on horned helmets and going out to pillage a nearby town. I was just practicing." He runs through the door with Eon in hot pursuit.
The Great Krass
Drassel is doctoring Krass who has successfdully escaped from Eon. They are in Krass's place as Drassel applies some bandages.
Krass "I ducked through some razor wire and past some really big cyber dogs but she never laid a glove on me. I'll go back when she cools down a bit." He suddenly notices Drassel is staring at his sink. "Are you paying attention?"
Drassel in a distracted voice, "Huh? Oh yea, sure, you want me to let you know when the coast is clear so you can crawl out from under your rock." Krass nodds still watching. Drassel looks at Krass directly. "You know this is the very first time I have seen faucets in a bathroom labeled 'Hot', 'Cold' and '100 Proof'."
The Great Krass
Krass has climbed out of his apartment and down the fire escape. As he walks up the ally some Go-Gangers surround him and beat the Drek out of him taking his money, jewelry anbd even the gold fillings in his teeth. Naked an bleeding he is left in a heap. Blearily he sees two small shoes walk up to him and looks up.
Eon: "If you can't beat them or catch them, arrange to have them beaten."
The Great Krass
"Hell hath no fury like an enraged Eon."
The Great Krass
Eddie G. (Troll Weapons Specialist) and Sam (English, Human Combat Mage) wait for Emile Despareaux (French sailor)to come home from a night of drinking, as to inquire about certain nukes that never made shipment. The Sailor opens the door drunkenly, and fumbles to turn on the lights.
As the lights turn on, Emile sees Eddie and Sam, and blinks trying to figure out what's going on.
Emile (in French accent): Who the frag are you?
Eddie (grinning): We are your conscience.
Needless to say, Emile felt less guilty after being interrogated, and beat down later.
Eddie G.
Krass is sitting in his wheelchair recovering from his latest bout of stupidity. Dr Patterson is trying to refit his teeth while Krass is decking. A shrill scream comes from the outer office followed by cursing from Eon.
Patterson looks at the grinning Krass. "What did you do now drek-head?"
Krass, "I'm feeding matrix porn to Eon through her communication gear. I hacked into her last refit specs to get the security codes. Now she is the central figure in the Houston 500."
Patterson, "You're a dead man."
Krass, "You could call it my gift to her continuing education."
The Great Krass
Alpha Grade Titanium Bone-Lacing:
150,000 Nuyen.
Rating 3 Muscle Augmentation:
60,000 Nuyen.
Hardliner Gloves:
300 Nuyen.
Seeing your opponent collapse due to a ruptured scrotum:
Priceless.
Kerish
Eon has tied Krass into his chair and his deck is wedged sideways into the wall looking like a piece of modern art. The Doctor has warily chosen not to get involved.
Dr Patterson looking warily at Eon and Krass, "What do you intend to do with my patient Ms. Eon? You have to be aware that another pounding might kill him."
Krass struggling is trying to speak through his gag.
Eon coldly smiles, "I think Krass is a pervert and masochist. It seems he never learns his lesson so it is time for me to punish him in a way that will get his attention." She deftly removes the wallet from Krass's pocket and then goes and opens the safe. She takes out his stash of loot. "I'm going shopping. I'll be back when the money is gone."
Krass screams in fear behind his gag.
The Great Krass
Krass released from his chair later in the day by his partner Drassel.
Drassel, "Was it a robbery? The safe is open, the cred sticks are gone and credit bills are coming in like no tomorrow. I've been trying to cancel all your cards and I told the police we have been robbed."
Krass shook his head in despair, "Eon is like a wife without the sex. Wait a minute I'm wrong. I mean, she is exactly like a wife."
The Great Krass
Eon has been arrested by Lone Star for robbery. She seems to be as cool as ice. Ronilion the mage has arrived to help his partner.
Ronilion in a smart Amanti business suit and diamond studded walking stick, "Just what charges to you have against my partner Officer?"
Knight Errant (NPC), "Several people have identified her as making purchases with a credit card belonging to a business man called Devlin Krass."
Ronilion smiles, "It's obviously a frame job. Why Ms Eon is Mr Krass's very private and highly paid secretary. She obviously has no motive for doing such a thing."
Knight Errant smiling, "We have her on several surveilance tapes and we found all the goods and receipts in her Nightsky when we arrested her."
Ronilion nodding but undetered, "Yes, I can see your point. Perhaps we can make a deal with the prosecution?"
Knight Errant glaring at the mage, "I hope your not thinking of bribery."
Ronilion looking shocked, "Not at all officer, but Krass is a shady individual and for immunity from prosecution I am sure Ms Eon will be more than happy to perform her public spirited duty by telling you all the juicy details."
Eon looking contrite and tearful, "Like the time he started the preschoolers prostitute ring and sold dope disguised as a nun."
Knight Errant thoughtfully, "Now where have I heard THAT before?"
The Great Krass
OOC: Luddington: "Guys and Gals? Don't you think this storyline is getting out of hand? We haven't even done the latest Johnson's run yet and already Eon and Krass are in jail."
OOC: Krass: "Wuss, we're testing the limits of the game. How versatile is the GM? How fast can the players think on their feet and under pressure? When you go deal with Dunkelzahn or Azzie hard boys you better know what your chummers can do! Now get in there and make a MOVE!"
The Great Krass
Drassel meeting with Ronilion and Drassel is NOT happy, "Your slitch partner ripped us off mage and then is sitting in some safe house telling lies about my partner!"
Ronilion smiling, "Let us say she is telling the truth but adding some details. Lying is such a KRASS word Greg." He looked at the other man for a moment, "However, if Mr Krass was to drop his charges against my partner, as a BIG mistake, I am sure my partner will, in court, swear that the police pressured her into fingering your partner. As a young innocent teenage girl she can be very convincing."
Drassel smiled, "Done. I'll mark the loss as a tax right off for next year. Now let's go have a drink since we don't want to let them out too soon. After all Eon is living high at the tax payers expense and Krass is getting free medical, room and board. A win/win all around."
The Great Krass
With a few new characters in the group, on a small private run a conversation between the Japanese elf and the Chicago native Hobgoblin. The elf had noticed an assault rifle and several other weapons in the hobgoblin's trunk.
Ishikawa: "To paraphrase badly, one must step softly and carry a big gun."
Dormanu: "A wise man once said, it ain't easy bein' green."
Nearby, the third in the conversation, a human street sam speaks up...
Jazz: "Speak english, Dammit!
Ishikawa: "That was english, asshole."
The Dragon
Words of wisdom from Ishikawa's Sensei, a humorous older man:
Ninja crouch, Ninja hide.
Ninja Creep, Ninja strides.
Ninja Leap, Ninja bides.
Ninja sneeze? Ninja Dies.
The Dragon
"I had a mentor, Sensei, and teacher once. He was a humerous old dude that spotted philosophical drek in return for meat and wine."
Drassel looked at Krass, "What happened to him."
Krass smiled, "He ate the meat, drank the wine and got run over by a bus. Not every teacher dies a noble death."
The Great Krass
Drassel talking about Krass's teacher, "Your teacher must have had some bad karma. He got you for a student and then squooshed by a bus. What did he teach you?"
Krass looking at Eon acroos the street, "That she who not kiss you makes your lust stronger, and to avoid busses."
The Great Krass
Eon crosses the street and nods politely at Drassel, she ignores Krass.
"Hi Greg what are you talking about?"
Drassel, "Krass's teacher, you and a bus."
Eon looks blankly at Drassel, "You are so weird! You always seem to get distracted by the strangest thoughts."
Krass nodded in agreement, "It was a philosophical discussion. We assume you have a philosophy of life. My teacher died ny an Act of God, you on the other hand are an act of Satan. It all relates."
The Great Krass
Eon looking at Krass smiles, "I have a philosophy Krass, if you say anything anywhere does anyone listen to it and does it have meaning?"
Drassel, "The answer is no. The rule is NEVER listen to philosophy because it is still trying to answer the same questions over and over again."
The Great Krass
"Hey Drassel! What is the biggest philosophical question in the world?"
Luddington joining the group smiling, "That's easy Mr Krass, Why did the chicken cross the road? It is the question that has been asked by more people than any other in history."
The Great Krass
GM: "OK folks I know I'm going to regret this. Why did the chicken cross the road and try to stay in character please."
OOC: Krass, "Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out."
OOC: Eon, "Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference."
OOC: Ronilion, "I you ask this question you are denying your own chicken nature. You cannot teach wisdom to a rock."
OOC: Luddington, "In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road."
OOC: Dr Patterson, "Due to an excess of light pink gooey stuff in it's pancreas the chicken was forced by it's own instinct for survival to cross the road."
GM: "I just knew I would regret this."
The Great Krass
OOC: Krass, "OK so you regret it but you don't get off that easy Old Fat Dude. Let's hear your answer and it better be good!"
GM: "As you wish Mr. Krass but remember I am not a lucid as I used to be."
"It may have well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historical and unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such a herculian achievement formerly relegated to Homo Sapien pedestrians is a truly remarkable occurence."
The Great Krass
Dr Patterson after completing work on Krass.
"Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news.The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it."
The Great Krass
Drassel looked at Krass seriously for a moment. "If you keep making Eon angry I only have one piece of advice for you."
Krass looked at Drassel, "OK what is it?"
Drassel, "If you are going to the hospital for treatment of a severed limb, remember to bring the limb."
The Great Krass
Ronilion is talking with Krass while they are watching a mark.
"Hey Krass. You have been in the hospital more times than anyone I know. What is the most important thing you have learned?"
Krass thinking a moment, "That hospitals apply a vast mark-up to the items in the in-room mini-bars."
The Great Krass
Eon angrily to Ronilion, "Krass is the only guy I know that would stoop to sniff dog hoop!"
Ronilion looking ill, "Now there's a holo."
The Great Krass
Luddington looked sadly at Krass, "You know Mr. Krass some people take time to drink from the fountain of wisdom."
Krass spoke shortly, "Ahh, piss on it!"
The Great Krass
Luddington looking at Eon and Ronilion sadly, "Mr Krass does not seem to be responding to my attempts to improve his soul. He got pretty foul-mouthed the last time I talked to him."
Eon nodded in sympathy, "So Krass told he would piss on the Fountain of Knowledge? Well that is a big lie."
Luddington looking hopeful, "You mean he was pulling my leg?"
Eon, calmly, "Well, no, he was being polite. He most likely meant he would piss IN the Fountain of Knowledge so no one else could use it either."
The Great Krass
Norm Street sammi says to his friend the decker Napster "I need to get into senator grays compound I can handle the guards i am just concerened about the highly sensitive motion tracking equiptment" and thats when napster gets that Drek eatting grin ao his face turns to the GM and Says "I unleash a Wave of Chinchilas"
Norm Al
Krass is running down the street, arms and legs pumping like mad. He turns a corner and bumps in Drassel.
"Help hide me, quick, Eon is after me again."
Drassel looks around the corner and sees Eon has obviously lost Krass and is searching for him. "What did you do to her this time?"
Krass smiling, "I gave her a gift, an armored T-shirt."
Drassel looking at Krass, "Now why would Eon get mad over a T-shirt? What was on it?"
Krass trying to look innocent, "Oh just some letters that says, 'I wish these were brains.'" Drassel tossed him back out in the street, pointed and whistled real loud.
The Great Krass
Ronilion to Drassel, "You know I think Krass is sweet on Eon and she seems to like the interest."
Drassel, "Then we better not tell her Krass sleeps with sheep. Can you imagine what her reaction would be if she thinks she is following a sheep as a love interest?"
The Great Krass
"It's a great diner, but you need to bring your own syrup, because otherwise you get 'soy-rup, and that's just not he same."
-our GM, setting the scene-
Pixel
"I'd love to game, I really would, but I'm not up to it mentally."
"We can go straight to the shootout...?"
-me and a very convincing GM
Pixel
Krass chortling in glee, "She's a simsense star and I got her telecom number with the words on the back that say 'Call me.".
Ronilion amused, "The world is still changing. I didn't know sheep had telecom numbers."
Drassel nodding seriously, "I know bears don't because Krass has tried to call them several times for dates."
Everyone looking at Drassel completely lost. Where did the bears come from?
The Great Krass
Glaring at Drassel, Krass spoke in a snide voice, "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."
The Great Krass
"Why are you staring at me like that you pervert?" Eon asked in exhasperation.
"I'm visualizing you with duct tape over your mouth." Krass stated with a leer.
The Great Krass
Luddington and Ronilion are watching in interest as Eon has once again caught Krass and pushed his face through the closed window of her Nightsky.
Luddington brightly, "It's so nice to see young people making the most out of life." He pauses for a moment as Eon continues to push Krass through the car and out the opposite closed window. "While it lasts, that is."
The Great Krass
Krass sighing to Drassel, "To bad Eon is not Austrailian instead of Chinese, she would have fewer hang ups."
Drassel looked blankly at Krass, "How would that help?"
Krass shruggs, "Because then she would be down under." He points to under his desk.
The Great Krass
"Eon sucks!" Bellowed Krass from across the room.
Ronilion smiled, "The fact that she doesn't is probably your problem."
Krass glared back, "You would think she would be eager to learn from a professional! I've had GIRL SCOUTS!"
The Great Krass
After the latest run the group is gathered to watch the Vid headlines. A stunning blonde with obvious enhancements is speaking, "Today thieves broke into the local Lone Star station and stole fifty pairs of trousers. The police are looking, pretty silly."
Drassel looks at Krass, "OK now what are we going to do with fifty pairs of Lone Star pants?"
Krass smiling and rubbing his hands, "Drop them at the Brotherhood and go rob some banks. If they come after us just shoot low."
The Great Krass
Krass is standing on a busy street with a fishing pole. The line runs down through a grate and into a drain.
NPC Passerby, confused "What are you doing?"
Krass looks at him irritably, "I'm fishing you idiot. What do you think I'm doing?"
Passerby still confused, "What are you fishing for?"
Krass sighing at the stupidity states in a bored voice, "I'm fishing for suckers."
Passerby, "Have you caught any?"
Krass nodded still looking down, "Yep you're the third one today."
Passerby shruggs and walks off. Eon walks up holding the wallet. We only need three more and that will give us enough false identities for the next run. You know I didn't really think this would work."
The Great Krass
Krass glaring at Drassel, "Why the hell do I keep your useless sorry Hoop around here anyway?"
Drassel looking at Krass strangely and seriously replies quietly. "That is not the important question. As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much money. What's important is that you continue to do so and that you do so on time."
Krass dumbfounded, "That is the first semi lucid comment you have ever made. I almost understand it."
The Great Krass
Krass looks up to see Eon staring at him strangely. "Why are you looking at me like that slitch."
Eon smiling, "No I'm visualizing you with an apple stuffed in your mouth."
Krass looking disgusted, "Caught by my own joke on a replay. Life sucks."
The Great Krass
Eon to Krass lightly, "What will you do for a face when the monkey wants it's ass back?"
The Great Krass
Years of military grade S.W.A.T trainig $2,000,000 for 6 people.
S.W.A.T grade highly modifyed weaponry $1,250,000 for 6 people.
Colective cyberware & bioware for 6 people $4,000,000
S.W.A.T car to get you there $250,000
Seeing your S.W.A.T team get its A** kicked by a bunch of street dreck!
priceless!
;>0
Norm Al
Drassel to Eon, "Where have you been? I have a new client and he wants his wife shadowed. He thinks she's cheating."
Eon nodding, "Sorry I went to the beauty parlor."
Krass looks up and speaks seriously, "To bad it was closed."
The Great Krass
Krass is boasting, "With computer in hand I can beat any man!"
Eon looked blandly at Krass, "You know a computer beat me at chess once but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
The Great Krass
Eon is looking in the mirror and spots Drassel and Krass coming in. "I bought a new hat. How does it look?"
Krass seriously, "Like a cross between Gabby Hayes and Roadkill."
Drassel runs.
The Great Krass
Eon furiously at Krass, "Oh Yeah! Well you're uglier than a Bastard Billy Goat!"
The Great Krass
Luddington has been explaining the story of Adam and Eve to Krass. "It was the first marriage and wholly sanctioned by God." Stated the Priest.
Krass looked thoughtful. "I guess then what your saying is that Adam and Eve had the ideal marriage because he didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. After that came the fall?"
The Priest shook his head sadly.
The Great Krass
Luddington has temporarily given up trying to explain the bible to Krass, he suspects he will have more luck with Drassel.
Luddington to the intent Drassel, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
Drassel thought carefully before replying. "What happened to the flea?"
Krass who had been listening from his office is rolling on the floor laughing.
The Great Krass
"Did you ever notice that Eon spelled backwards is Noe?" asked Drassel.
Ronilion looked at the lawyer with undisguised repugnance, "and that means?"
Krass, "I can't get NOE?"
Dr Patterson, "SATISFACTION!"
The Great Krass
Krass shaking his fist, "I think you guys are all pussy whipped by a little girl."
Drassel looking confused, "Eon has never hit me with a cat at least not that I know off."
The Great Krass
Krass has been gone for three days and returns smiling, "I'm dating a 19 year old engineer with pink hair. So when it comes down to going with a girl or hanging with a bunch of old men, I'll go with the girl."
Luddington looking disapprovingly at Krass, "Isn't that a little young for you? Just how old are you anyway."
Eon smiling, "He's about five or six, so it's actually his date that's robbing the cradle."
The Great Krass
Ronilion is talking to Drassel, "Being Krass's lawyer must be real interesting. What was the most recent and best case you've had?"
Drassel seriously, "The case of Green River Pale he sent me last week."
Ronilion looking disgusted, "I ought to call the city spirit of Hulk Hogan to kick your sorry hoop."
The Great Krass
Heavily chromed and cybered street warrior NPC is confronting Krass in his office.
NPC: "I was hired to kill you little man and after I'm done I'm going to DO your secretary after I have some fun."
Krass looking unconcerned uses his head gear to signal Eon. She comes in the door. "Look I don't care if you want to do us both but I want to see you hoop frag her first. I'll just sit here and watch. Now just so everything is comfortable I'll introduce you. Secretary-zilla, I'd like you to meet your new sparring partner."
Eon smiles and quickly starts to dismantle the heavily chromed warrior. Drassel walks in through the side door and watches for a moment, "How novel. Eon is actually beating up someone else for a change."
Krass smiling, "Yeah I hired the guy to come after me. Now maybe she'll be too tired to hurt me to bad when she finds out I posted nude pictures of her in the Matrix."
The Great Krass
Eon looking tired is talking to Ronilion and Drassel, "I keep getting all these calls on my corporate lines asking me how much I charge for sexual favors as well as more obscene suggestions. I keep changing the numbers but they keep finding me."
Ronilion thoughtfully, "It sounds like a decker has planted a trojan or spybot on you or the telecom company."
Eon: "That's what I thought too. I was beginning to expect Krass has put his friends up to this."
Drassel: "Doubtful. While Krass would and could put someone up to this kind of action we all know he has no friends. Besides most of Krass's contacts also know Eon and what would happen to them if they were doing this and she discovered it."
Eon tiredly, "Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm too tired to think straight. First that cyber warrior assassin and now this. I guess we all better be careful, because it sure looks like someone has targeted us."
The Great Krass
Drassel seriously, "You realize it's only a matter of time before Eon figures out that you are behind all those phone calls?"
Krass thoughtfully, "Yeah, but I have her almost set up for the kill. Everytime she changes her lines she has to tell me and then I have teams of kids spray paint the numbers in public toilets all over the sprawl. It's surprisingly cheap. Besides I'm also making money from her pictures on the Matrix sites I set up."
Drassel, "I hate to ask but where are you getting the pictures from?"
Krass, waved his hand, "That was easy. The hard part is to wear Eon down and then take her someplace secluded and seduce her. If she's tired enough she won't stand a chance."
Drassel, "You are disgusting and perverted and can I have seconds?"
The Great Krass
Krass to Drassel, "I've set Eon up real good. It will be five minutes of lightning, ten minutes of thunder and she'll spend the rest of her life wondering what happened!"
The Great Krass
Eon angrily, "I had my place swept for bugs and do you know what they found?"
Drassel, "Roaches."
Eon, "No camera's! I started to have other places checked too. The stores I shop in, my workout places. Even my dance classes! Any place that I would take off my clothes or be partially dressed was covered, even the bathrooms here!"
Drassel nodded thoughtfully, "You were right that we seem to be targets but so far you and Krass have been the primaries. They didn't get Krass because of you so they must be trying to remove you."
Eon: "That seems to make sense. You've been a big help to me trying to sort this mess out Greg. Don't worry I'll find out who it is. Has anyone else found out anything?"
Drassel, "Well some of us have some leads but nothing you would want to hear yet. If they pan out we'll let you know. You have enough to worry about. Why not take the day off and get some rest."
Eon nods and leaves. Drassel uses his head phone. "She found your camera's."
The Great Krass
"My sincere apologies go out to the two iceholes in Dumb and Dumber. Next to Krass they're somewhere up there with Einstein and Hillary." Ronilion stated to Drassel after finding out Krass is behind the calls and cameras annoying Eon.
The Great Krass
Krass and Drassel are protesting and tightly tied to a large stake. Around it Eon is focused on piling large amounts of wood. Several gasoline cans stand nearby. Ronilion is watching with amusement and Father Luddington is trying to convince her not to do it.
Luddington, "Ms. Eon, PLEASE. This would be murder. Can you not in your heart forgive their stupidity?"
Eon undeterred, "I am not doing this out of anger or vengeance but out of charity. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. Where Krass is going this is only the pre-game show."
The Great Krass
"Is it just me or is it getting warm in here?" states Krass as Eon lights the stack of wood.
The Great Krass
"As a marsh mellow roast, Krass probably had his finest hour." Eon stated in a satisfied voice.
The Great Krass
GM: "Well Mr. Krass, you may now take a lighter or match to your character sheet. Your choice."
OOC: Krass, "How about a rescue here."
OOC: Eon, "No way!"
OOC: Ronilion, "Bon Voyage give my best to the other characters we sent to hell."
OOC: Luddington, "Repent while I give last rites."
OOC: Krass, "Up Yours!"
OOC: Drassel, "Well at least we go together."
OOC: Krass, "Repenting sounds better by the moment."
The Great Krass
Eon smiling, "For Krass, all the world was a stage, I just operated the trap door!"
The Great Krass
OOC: Krass to Luddington, "It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it."
The Great Krass
Running through a feild full of people Norm and his giant friend Dimples are being shot at with a high cal. sniper rifle dimples (a phys adept) takes three shots before going down at deadly +2 and into over flow damage and stableizeing. Norm due to some luck and some kick a** dodge roles gets to his suv relatively unharmed and drives to his friend failing multiple inteligence roles on the way. upon ariving at his friend side he realizes that Fit will hit the Shan if he tries to lift his 600 pound giant friend into his suv. at this point he turns to the GM and says ooc, I've got a towe rope!
Norm Al
In the Seattle Renraku Achology, leading a group of 20 survivors to the outside.
Boogiepop: We'll never get these people out of here. There only 2 of us with guns.
Father Michael: Who can use a pistol?
GM: 10 people hold up their hands.
Father Michael (OOC): I open my Cross, and give them each an Alta.
GM: Ok... You start handing out pistols to the people with their hands up. One of them is a 12 year old girl.
Father Michael (to Boogiepop): Feel better?
Boogiepop: ... No...
Mojo Jojo 42
Titania, a Disney style Gargoyle, who spent 5000 years in stone hybernation, wakes up in L.A. due to Haley's Commet's magic spike. Alone, disorientated, and discovering that her hybernating form was being used as a building decoration, she says the only thing that cames to mind...
"Where the F*** are my CLOTHES!"
Mojo Jojo 42
"I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?"
The (ONCE) Great Krass
Speaking to Drassel, "I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?"
The Great Krass
Eon in a nice voice dripping with honey, "You know Krass you shouldn't hate yourself in the morning, sleep till noon."
The Great Krass!
Krass Jr. and Drassel Jr. are taking up where there deceased parents left off. They are advertising a new business. 'Earn cash in your spare time--blackmail friends! See Krass, Drassel and Associates for opportunities.'
The Great Krass
"If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you're headed." Eon said warningly to Krass.
The Great Krass
GM: "Well Mr Krass, how is the new character coming along?"
OOC: Krass: "Not bad, I started a Krass Jr. I figured as much as my guy slept around I would have no problem."
GM thoughtfully, "A novel approach and it seems consistent with logic. So have you made any changes in this Krass besides the Junior name?
OOC: Krass: "I sure did. This one will be fireproof."
GM GROANS!
The Great Krass
Wasting no time the new and improved Krass and Drassel are quickly back to their rotten schemes. Drassel as been doing wills in which he adds small hidden clauses making Krass the beneficiary then they bankroll hits. As Krass puts it, "Where there's a will, I want to be in it."
The Great Krass
Speaking to Eon, "I heard your mother had morning sickness after you were born." Eon glared, "We're back to this again. I got your FATHER and I CAN GET YOU TOO JUNIOR!"
The Great Krass
Leering at Eon, "So you say money doesn't motivate you. What does? I'll buy it for you!"
Eon groans, "It's as bad as it's parent."
The Great Krass
Krass is explaining to Luddington his secret of success, "Some people have a way with words, while others... erm... thingy."
The Great Krass
OOC: Drassel, "why is everyone laughing? What's a thingy?"
OOC: Krass, "Look in a mirror but first take off your clothes and look for the smallest thing you can see."
OOC: Drassel, "Why do I have to take off my clothes to see my ear?"
The Great Krass
Elven Greenpeace is hitting up Krass and Drassel for a donation. "Save a tree!" The elf says ernestly to Krass.
Drassel looks confused, "What the drek and I supposed to do? Wipe my ass with a spotted owl?"
The Great Krass
Dr. Patterson explaining things to Krass, "The American Heart and Lung Association surveyed doctors and found that 9 out of 10 doctors who tried Camels went back to women."
The Great Krass
JoAnne a potential new player.
OOC: JoAnne, "Krass? I know you and Drassel are partners in game but I can't figure out if he is really that stupid or just someone who is incredably smart playing stupid. Can you tell me for sure?"
OOC: Krass, "Do you put out?"
OOC: JoAnne, "NO!"
OOC: Krass, "Well then some things in life you should figure out for yourself."
The Great Krass
OOC: JoAnne, "Drassel I think you are not as stupid as everyone says. Actually you seem pretty cool."
OOC Drassel, "Thanks. I have a saying, The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them."
The Great Krass
JoAnne is taking over as Krass's secretary so that Eon has more time for other duties. She is making a note for Krass from Drassel. The note reads:
'This month is Farm Animal Awareness Week.' It is also National Singles week. Please do NOT get the two mixed up.'
The Great Krass
OOC JoAnne, "I feel out of my depth here. In game or out you people are so rabid."
GM: "Not rabid, just experienced. Actually Krass is one of our newer players as well. Stick with it and you will soon fall into the pattern of give and take. Remember, Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it eventually kills all its students."
The Great Krass
OOC: JoAnne, "Eon are you really Chinese?"
OOC: Eon, "Yes."
OOC JoAnne, "You must have a hard time dealing with these guys. The GM says you came in game just before Krass."
OOC: Eon, "True, I actually started with Ronilion slightly earlier than Krass, Krass keeps getting killed but I haven't yet. I have no trouble dealing with Krass because I'm a Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force 2004-1951."
The Great Krass
OOC: Krass, "I think you're losing it old man."
GM: "Perhaps but the young always think that way of the old Mr. Krass. I have a different view of life, Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. So far I have not discovered any contrary evidence that my theory may be wrong."
The Great Krass
Is explaining things to JoAnne, "Broken promises don't bother me at all. I just wonder why they keep believing me."
The Great Krass
JoAnne walks into Drassel's office and notices the book he is reading. Is that Robin Hood? Books like that are very rare in the Awakened World."
Drassel looks up vacantly, "No it's a cheap copy. It's called Christopher Robin Hood. He takes from the rich and gives to the Pooh."
The Great Krass
Eon looks at Krass pointedly, "Shut Up, I have better things to do than listen to your stupidity Krass."
Krass smiles, "What could be more important than learning wisdom?"
Eon smiles, "Only one shopping day left until tomorrow!"
The Great Krass
Krass is explaining to Drassel, "Opportunity only knocks once, lamebrain."
Drassel thinks for a moment, "Then if I hear a second knock it's probably only a Jehovah's witness?"
The Great Krass
"A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste." Krass told JoAnne when she asked him why he was such a putz.
The Great Krass
Krass spitting out the coffee JoAnne has just brought to his office. "This coffee tastes like MUD!" He yelled at her in anger and disgust.
JoAnne smiles, "It should it was GROUND this morning."
Krass does a double take, "You have been spending too much time with Drassel."
The Great Krass
Krass and Drassel have returned from a lucrative run. JoAnne is at her desk working.
Krass in a tired voice, "Any messages while I was out?"
JoAnne in bright voice, "Death called while you were out, so I gave him your pager number."
Drassel looking confused, "Since when has Eon become a him?"
The Great Krass
Raiden: How many hijackers are there?
GM: There are 4 highjackers that you can see. Their leader has a gun pointed to a female passenger's head.
Raiden: How far away is he?
GM: About 6 meters. You'd also have to get past 2 other Hijackers to stop him from pulling the trigger. Remember, your weapons were put into the cargo hold.
Raiden: My camera wasn't.
END RESULT: 5 dead terrorists and 1 broken camera later, Raiden (Kijomi Nichiya) was being praised as a hero.
Mojo Jojo 42
Luddington to Krass, "The wages of sin are eternal damnation!"
Krass smiling, "Maybe, but the hours are good though."
The Great Krass
Luddington to Krass, "Like your father you still have a thing for Eon don't you."
Krass nods and speaks honestly, "You have to admit she has it all, a body that doesn't quit, brains and attitude." He notices her coming into the office and yells, "How about a kiss baby?"
Eon looks at him pointedly, "To kiss a fool is bad. To let a fool kiss you is even worse." She walks away.
Krass says dreamily "I think she loves me."
The Great Krass
Krass has pushed off the Greenpeace elves on Drassel. The lawyer has been carefully and considerately listening to the elf as JoAnne takes notes.
Elf, NPC, "Save the whales!"
Drassel looks at JoAnne, "Whales, their mammals, right?"
JoAnne, "Yes Sir."
Drassel "Then like most mammals they have hair?"
JoAnne and the elf look confused and JoAnne replies, "I don't know, Sir."
Drassel, looking irritated, "Then it shouldn't be Save the Whales if they have hair it should be Shave the Whales!"
The Great Krass
Dr Patterson has just finished working on Krass's new penile implant. Krass is admiring himself in the mirror.
Krass smiling, "Hey Doc, Wouldn't it be great if age and gravity did to a penis what it does to boobs?"
The Great Krass
Ronilion has arrived and is talking with JoAnne before going to see Krass, "So how do you like working here for Krass?"
JoAnne thought for a moment, "Krass is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea - massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind - boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it."
The Great Krass
Lenny: What's the matter with you?
Rally: They rejected my application for Urban Brawl.
Lenny: Why?
Rally: They said my bike had an illegal upgrade.
Lenny: The protective dome?
Rally: The Ares Firelance.
Mojo Jojo 42
Luddington to Eon, "A great sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending."
Ronilion replies with a smile, "And they should be as close together as possible!"
The Great Krass
Luddington sternly, "Mr Krass! Christ died for our sins!"
Krass looks at the priest sternly, "Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?"
The Great Krass
Krass speaking profoundly to a customer, "Remember our companies motto, Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis ad capul tuum saxum immane mittam."
JoAnne at the secretaries desk watches as the happy customer leaves and turns to Krass, "What does that mean?"
Luddington in disgust, "I have a catapult. Give me all the money or I will fling an enormous rock at your head."
The Great Krass
Drassel watching the latest Urban Brawl with Dr Patterson. "Did you notice that the best and most well-balanced players have a beer in each hand?"
The Great Krass
Krass and Drassel are selling a new advertising slogan for the Urban Brawl, "Give Blood, Play Urban Brawl!"
The Great Krass
GM After listening to a lot of bad latin jokes speaks to the group. "OK you guys have butchered the language enough because according to you the latin that describes me would go something like this: Cogito ergo sumo: I think therefore I am a huge fat wrestler. I am not a wrestler! So my final comment is: Si hoc legere scis numium eruditionis habes. - If you can read this, you're overeducated. Back to the game!"
The Great Krass
OOC Eon: "Oh Yeah? Then my motto would be: Veni, Vedi, Visa. I came. I Saw. I did a little shopping."
The Great Krass
Ronilion, "Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. - I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear."
The Great Krass
Dr Patterson well this one is usually important in my job: Semper Ubi Sub Ubi. - Always wear Underwear."
The Great Krass
Drassel, "Mine is better,Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati - When all else fails, play dead."
The Great Krass
Eon speaking ernestly to JoAnne, "MENtal anixiety! MENstrual cramps! MENopause! Don't you notice that all our problems begin with MEN!"
The Great Krass
Krass noticing that JoAnne appears to have nothing to do.
""Need something to do honey? Go make yourself useless in the kitchen and bring me a cup of soykaf."
The Great Krass
OOC: Luddington, "I feel like I should have a great idea right now. But I don't."
The Great Krass
Eon angrily at Krass, "There are lots of things a woman can do that a man can't!"
Krass, "Calm Down I agree, I can even think of one right now. For instance, a woman can bury a boner without digging a hole."
The Great Krass
Drassel to Dr. Patterson, "I finally figured out, with JoAnne's help what PMS is?"
Dr Patterson, "You didn't know? OK let's see what you learned."
Drassel, "PMS - Putting up with Men's drek!"
The Great Krass
OOC: JoAnne, "You guys are absolutely starkers!"
GM: "It's not just us you know, the whole world is going crazy. For instance the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup. France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?"
The Great Krass
"So tell me, are those cookies made with real Girl Scouts?"
Drassel asked the girl scout as he was purchasing a box.
The Great Krass
Krass speaking about Drassel, "You know there is a fine line between ignorance and stupidity but Drassel is hard at work trying to erase that line!"
The Great Krass
Krass and Drassel have opened up, yes you guessed it, a Shadowrunners school! Krass is teaching the first class.
Krass speaking brightly, "The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts
agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're Shadowrunners!"
The Great Krass
JoAnne angrily at Krass, "You know Krass, when God put teeth in your mouth he ruined a perfectly good asshole!"
The Great Krass
GM: "Really Mr. Krass, you look at this the wrong way. I am not too fat, I am just too short!"
The Great Krass
Drassel to Dr Patterson, "Doctor, I have noticed something strange. When I stand on my head all the blood rushes to it, so why doesn't it all rush to my feet now?"
Dr Patterson seriously, "That's because your feet aren't empty."
The Great Krass
Shadowrunners school and Drassel is teaching the class. He holds up a board with four circles. O o (o) (0)
" The first circle represents your brain. The second your brain on chips! The third represents your hoop hole and the forth represents your hoop hole if you get caught by Lone Star dealing or using chips."
The Great Krass
Ronilion to Drassel, "I can see why you became a lawyer, you nitpick over every word and interpret it your own way. I'll bet you didn't want to be a lawyer when you were growing up."
Drassel nods, "True "I wanted to write stuff that the whole world would read, stuff that people would react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that would make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, in desperation, and anger!"
Ronilion, "Well then I guess you came close."
Drassel, "Not close enough, I could have been writing error messages for Microsoft."
The Great Krass
Rappo: Ah... The people you meet when you don't have a gun.
Mojo Jojo 42
GM: I still don't believe you killed an ENTIRE wizzer gang by throwing AdrekRAYS AT THEM!!!
Mojo Jojo 42
Rally: If you put ANYTHING but diesel in this car, I will take great personal pleasure in arranging your internal organs alphabetically.
Moral of this story: Never mess with a rigger's ride.
Mojo Jojo 42
The Shadowrunners had only met once and didn't know eachother very well. The GM tried to fix this problem by letting them meet randomly while not running.
Collector: Hello, welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order. drek, it's you guys.
Mojo Jojo 42
JoAnne to Ronilion. "I see Krass as a great stampede of lips directed at someone's hoop!"
The Great Krass
Eon to Joanne, "Krass may look like an idiot and he may sound like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He IS an idiot."
The Great Krass
"Products of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered." Ronilion referring to Krass's business ventures.
The Great Krass
Krass talking to a Shadowrun team he is hiring for a Johnson.
"Don't bother me now, whippet-head, I can curse you fluently in Shadow-speak!"
The Great Krass
Krass to Drassel, "Look BOZO, I'll be gone for a few days. I have to go clean up that mess those idiots left us in the Virgin Islands." He stated referring to the group of Shadowrunners he was working as a fixer for.
Drassel concentrating, speaks seriously and warningly at Krass, "This better not be another one of your skirt-chasing trips. Contrary to public opinion there are not a lot of Virgins in the Virgin Islands!"
Krass stops short, "How do you know?"
Drassel just smiles.
The Great Krass
Krass is talking to JoAnne about Drassel. "I just don't get it. Just when I think I have Drassel figured out as the dumbest thing in the Universe he says something almost startling in it's insight. How can such a stupid idiot be such a SMARTASS?"
The Great Krass
Eon has returned to the office after dealing with the Shadowrunners that botched a run in the Virgin Islands. She spots Krass and is immediately in no mood for his Drek.
Eon menacingly, "I just got back after 18 hours of running those morons down. You better not start with me. I haven't even had time to go home and change!"
Drassel, "Hmm, what does happen to an 18 hour bra after eighteen hours?"
Eon immediately starts to pound Krass who protests that he did NOT put Drassel up to asking the question. Eon obviously does NOT believe him.
Drassel heads back to his office where JoAnne is waiting. "Did it work?" She asked. Drassel nodded, Like a charm."
The Great Krass
Eon has returned to the office after dealing with the Shadowrunners that botched a run in the Virgin Islands. She spots Krass and is immediately in no mood for his Drek.
Eon menacingly, "I just got back after 18 hours of running those morons down. You better not start with me. I haven't even had time to go home and change!"
Drassel, "Hmm, what does happen to an 18 hour bra after eighteen hours?"
Eon immediately starts to pound Krass who protests that he did NOT put Drassel up to asking the question. Eon obviously does NOT believe him.
Drassel heads back to his office where JoAnne is waiting. "Did it work?" She asked. Drassel nodded, Like a charm."
The Great Krass
Luddington dejectedly to Ronilion, "I hate this world. You have to kiss a lot of hoop and if you're a good toady they might give you a toothbrush so you can get the taste of the DREK out of you're mouth!"
The Great Krass
The insurance adjuster (NPC)is talking to Krass after the Virgin Islands Affair. "Mr Krass, I am aware in excruciating detail the damage the Shadowrun Team known as the Armageddon did. However, I am curious. Who in our company would insure a Shadowrun Team through you?"
Krass smiling, "I don't have to tell you that. Suffice it to say that as the fixer responsible for the complete satisfaction of my clients, when I broker a job for them, it makes perfect sense to take out insurance payable to me if they fail. After all most runners are not known for their low key, intelligent approach now are they."
The Great Krass
Convo with the GM:
GM:Alright, so you want Armor for your human form. What kind.
Me: Me.
GM: Huh now?
Me: I want a Black Diamond Dragon scale vest for armor.
GM:.... So you'll be wearing yourself for armor.
Me: Exactly.
GM: How many years you want to wait for this? I mean, it's not like Dragons lose scales daily.
Me: Can't I scratch 'em off an unimportant area while in Draong form?
GM:.... :: Facepalms.::
- Fast Eddie, Black Diamond Dragon shifter/Rigger/Techie.
Fast Eddie
Armegeddon, Shadowrun group to Krass. "How come you had us blacklisted, dude? We did the job."
Krass looking at the insurance claims. "You killed eighty-four by-standers, took out a quarter of the Aztecnology Pyramid, failed to rescue the scientist, and in fact you got him killed. You didn't even come close to the tech you were supposed to get and then we had to come and save you to boot. You did NOT do the job you were hired for, you went in like a bunch of babies who haven't even been 'potty trained'"
Armeggedon, "Everyone has a bad day."
Krass glaring, "You guys make Do-Do's look smart."
The Great Krass
"Curse the blasted, jelly-boned swines, the slimy, belly-wriggling invertebrates. The miserable soddingrotters. The flaming drek for brains iceholes. The sniveling, dribbling, dithering, palsied, pulse-less and completely stupid lot that make up Seattle today." Krass stated after dealing with the runner group known as Armegeddon.
The Great Krass
Today the team called the Retro-sexuals are trading insults. A trend that was started by Krass getting angry with Drassel once again. The others waste no time joining in.
Krass: "You irritating crate of bad nose hairs."
Drassel in reply, "You corrupted bundle of decaying zit droppings."
OOC: JoAnne: "This looks like fun. I want to insult Krass too."
GM: sighs, "OK go ahead, it won't be the first time this group has run rampant. Since everyone is in the office the channel is open."
JoAnne, "You whore-like justification for offensive beef scratches."
Eon, "I agree he is also a slutty blob of palsied turd gashes."
Ronilion, "How about a rusty bottle of mildewed skin dribbling?"
Patterson, "Or maybe an infected cracked carboy of crass goat entrails."
Luddington, "That was gross. maybe he resembles an offensive lake full of ghastly bodily waste infestations."
Krass, "Isn't anyone on my side?"
GM "Obviously not you grotesque compartment full of unqualified nose slop."
Krass, "En Tu Fat Guy?"
GM, "Sorry, I just couldn't resist."
The Great Krass
Armegeddon, dejectedly "I guess that means that you're never going to hire us again and since we're blacklisted we have to disband and start over."
Drassel, dead voiced, "That is your problem. You assume to much. Krass, Drassel and Associates don't do business like that at all."
Krass nodding cheerfully, "Of course not. We will give you a chance to redeem yourself and get the bad listing removed. We just won't give you the same kind of job. Your talents obviously lie in another direction. See me tomorrow and I'll have it ready."
Armeggeddon suspiciously, "You mean that? I guess we had you guys figured wrong." They leave.
JoAnne, enters the room, "Mr Krass, I have the insurance policies you took out on Armegeddon ready. You seem to have taken out a lot on the accidental death clause."
Krass smiles.
The Great Krass
The group is watching the news.
Obviously enhanced news babe with 'alternative' breasts talking. "The latest information that we have is that a Shadowrun group known locally as 'Armegeddon' made a run on a minor UniOil facility. How they got the Panzer heavy assault vehicle they used in the run along with a score of heavily armed combat drones is a mystery. Most bore the markings of state of the art UCAS military vehicles." The holo shows a shot of a heavily damaged refinery. "Our exclusive information from an unimpeachable and highly placed source says it was a negotiated assassination attempt on a member of the UniOil board of directors and Chief of Security."
Krass, "Well it's nice to see that Armeggedon lived up to it's name. A very nice demolition job. Our client will be very pleased that our diversion was so successful."
Babe continues, "It is unknown exactly what Armeggedon hoped to accomplish with this killing. All the runners were eliminated." Shows the burning Panzer with several charred bodies scattered about.
Ronilion shaking his head, "You didn't tell them the dragon was going to be there?"
Krass, "It must have slipped my mind. Still it made it much easier for me to sell the story to the press and make some extra money when I told them that I suspected an assassination attempt was being planned on the visiting dignitary. UniOil owes us a favor for the warning as well. Armeggedon was after the dignitary, they just didn't know it was a dragon. They weren't much for research but real big on things that go bang. After all it was only one little detail."
JoAnne, "People trust 'fixers' too much." Everyone shook their head in agreement.
The Great Krass
Insurance Adjuster (NPC) is arguing with Krass. "Mr. Krass, while I agree that Armegeddon is dead I do not qualify it as accidental! Going up against a dragon with only a Panzer and some drones is more like a lemming like suicide."
Krass smiling, "Did they leave a suicide note? No, they did not. So, they obviously expected to win. The fact that they did not is an 'accident' on their part. Pay up."
The Great Krass
NPC Insurance Adjuster, "We are not paying and that's that!"
Krass, "No problem, Chummer. That is why I have a lawyer as a partner." He summones Drassel on his headware. Drassel enters the room, "Mr Drassel, this gentleman does not want to pay on our claim." Drassel smiles.
Insurance Adjuster looking stubborn and uneasy blurts out, "That's right. According to our rules this was NOT an accidental death."
Krass smiled, "You have to understand Mr Drassel better than that chummer. He isn't interested in the rules. He is more interested in what we will gain by legally nailing you and your companies hide to his wall trophy." Drassel continued to smile.
Adjuster dejectedly, "OK, we'll pay."
The Great Krass
Dr Patterson to Drassel. "I'm tired of goiing to parties and having everyone ask me for free advice."
Drassel, "The same thing always happens to me as well, but I fixed that."
Dr Patterson, interested, "You did? How?"
Drassel, "I just send them a bill the next day."
Dr Patterson, "Hey that's great, I'll have to try it."
The next morning Patterson woke up and opened his mail. There was a bill for 1,000 N Yen from Drassel for a legal consultation.
The Great Krass
JoAnne curiously to Drassel, "Unlike Mr. Krass you do seem to have some legal ethics but I am unsure whether that is do to your unique perspective or you actually made the attempt to have some."
Drassel thinks for a moment, "Perhaps if I tell you a story you will understand. I once drafted a will for an elderly client. The fee was for 1,000 NYen. The client gave the me a 1,000 bill. After the client left, the I saw that the client had in fact paid 2,000, as two of the client's 1,000 bills had stuck together."
JoAnne, smiling "So that was you're ethical problem? You returned the money of course?"
Drassel seriously, "That is why you will be a secretary for a long time. That was not my problem. My problem was, should I tell my partner?"
The Great Krass
JoAnne curiously to Drassel, "Unlike Mr. Krass you do seem to have some legal ethics but I am unsure whether that is do to your unique perspective or you actually made the attempt to have some."
Drassel thinks for a moment, "Perhaps if I tell you a story you will understand. I once drafted a will for an elderly client. The fee was for 1,000 NYen. The client gave the me a 1,000 bill. After the client left, the I saw that the client had in fact paid 2,000, as two of the client's 1,000 bills had stuck together."
JoAnne, smiling "So that was you're ethical problem? You returned the money of course?"
Drassel seriously, "That is why you will be a secretary for a long time. That was not my problem. My problem was, should I tell my partner?"
The Great Krass
Luddington, "Mr Drassel, I know lawyers can be expensive but just how much do you charge?"
Drassel is reading some briefs and does not even look up. "I charge upwards to 5,000 NYen for three questions."
Luddington whistles, "Bless my soul, isn't that an awful steep price to just answer three questions?"
Drassel still not looking up, "Of course it is. Now what's your third question?"
The Great Krass
Drassel is instructing at the Shadowrunners school. "Remember that it is important to understand that words have different meanings and one should never be too hasty to achieve a quick solution. Patience is a great thing. I recall a time I inadvertantly told a young lawyer that I had a case that could go on forever. He got the file and immediately settled it to prove to me how smart he was, blissfully unaware that I was chatgeing the client by the hour!"
The Great Krass
Luddington to Ronilion, "The more I deal with this company the more uncertain I become as to which person is the greatest sinner and promoter of evil. Krass is bad and pretty obvious but Drassel is worse in his own sneaky way."
Ronilion laughs, "You are looking at the tip of iceberg."
Luddington confused, "I am not sure I understand."
Ronilion smiles, "You sir are incredably nieve, which is why we keep you around. We're all wolves here. They don't call it Krass, Drassel and Associates for nothing. Who would have thought it, an HONEST Priest."
The Great Krass
Drassel's answering machine.
"Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us."
The Great Krass
Drassel to JoAnne, "You have to understand that most Shadowrunners are inherently violent individuals. Very few are actually intelligent. If they were smart they would be working in a corporation. Shadowrunners are tools and like any tool you use it till it breaks."
JoAnne pointedly, "You do Shadowrunner work."
Drassel, "Of course, when it suits my purpose and there is an advantage in it. Illegality is a tool of every corporation. After all there are some things that we have to do that we definitely do NOT want to impart to a third party."
The Great Krass
JoAnne puzzled, "Mr. Ronilion, I know you are a mage and a member of the corporation but just what is your job?"
Ronilion seriously, "I head up the research department. My education and intelligence rating are the highest in the company. I have several grants from the UCAS government for research and it pays off very well. Currently I am working on what discovery in chemistry has made the most significant contribution to this particular science."
JoAnne thinking, "In Chemistry? That must be very difficult."
Ronilion shook his head negatively, "Actually it was quite simple. The answer is Blondes."
The Great Krass
Looking at Eon in a bathing suit. "Super-size me baby!"
Eon pointedly looking down in disgust, "It already looks like you have been. Are you making it with TROLLS lately?"
The Great Krass
Lenny: So he's a robot?
GM: Yes, your friend and ally Static has turned out to be a robot.
Lenny: Can we fix him?
GM: As noble a though as that is, I think this job is well beyond your abilities.
Lenny: Could we take him to the scrap yard (a buddy rigger's home) and get him put back together there?
GM: I guess they could try... but you know that this isn't the real Static, right?
Lenny: Yeah, but he's got a lot of enenmies, and I figured I could charge each person the chance to kill him over and over again.
Mojo Jojo 42
Dr Patterson is compiling some notes on Krass's medical chart for his upcoming enhancements.
"Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. Patient was alert and unresponsive. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. The patient has no past history of suicides. The patient refused an autopsy."
The Great Krass
Ronilion to Krass, "You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in."
The Great Krass
Luddington dejectedly, "No matter how much I care, some people are just assholes."
The Great Krass
Drassel to Krass, "Never, under ANY circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."
The Great Krass
Luddington to Eon, "And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, HE WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV in an ugly suit and a bad hairstyle."
The Great Krass
Eon to Ronilion, "That was a neat stunt you pulled so we could escape." She looks at Drassel, "He mixed brake fluid with Clorox and it made a huge smoke screen. We were able to escape easily."
OOC Drassel, "You realize of course that now 60% of the men reading this will try mixing Clorox and Brake Fluid?"
OOC: Krass, "I recommend that they don't."
The Great Krass
JoAnne, "Mr Luddington, just what is your job?"
Luddington, "Public relations. It appears that whenever the corporation wants some plausible deniability they send me."
JoAnne, "I guess it makes a strange kind of sense. You don't know anything for sure but you can like everyone else suspect they have done something. So they send you out to lie for them by not lying for them. Tricky. I assume you have been drugged?"
Luddington unhappily, "Many times, as well as probed and questioned. Unfortunately your comment seems to be true, I serve an evil master that I do not lie about but that still seems to always come out ahead. Satan truly rules the world."
The Great Krass
Eon is on a case with Luddington. "Father, don't get me wrong but on occasion I have seen you shoot it out with people. Isn't that a no-no?"
Luddington, "Not according to my religion which is called The Temple of the Evolution of Differentiated Multi-Threaded Digital Organisms."
Eon surprised, "Wow, I never heard of that one. There sure are a lot of strange religions in the Awakened World."
Luddington nodding, "My Church does take into account the unreasoning violence of this world. The rule is: Shoot everything that appears hostile and if it blows up or dies, it was evil."
Eon nodding, "That does appear to be a sound philosophy."
The Great Krass
Eon, "Where was your first Church founded?"
Luddington, "In Texas on the King Ranch. We started with the ten commandments and rewrote them to be more understandable."
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) God first.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No unnecessary killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer partner's stuff.
The Great Krass
OOC: JoAnne "Hey fat old man?"
GM: "Yes?"
OOC: JoAnne, "How did the group decide that Krass would head the corporation?"
GM: "Several times the staff has changed. You have to understand we have been in continuous operation since the 1970's. In the latest round it was 'decided' by the group that the funniest person should head the corporation. Krass won hands down because just looking at him makes everyone laugh."
The Great Krass
OOC: JoAnne, "You know I am very uncomfortable with always having to call you 'fat old man'. Everyone says we should address you that way though why?"
GM: "It was my personal preference. The nature of the world is to NOT call things what they are because it is insulting. I prefer to be addressed by how people perceive me than some sugary phrase that means the same thing. I tend to like the reality and it reminds me that I am this way through my own actions. Besides what else would you call someone who has been escorted off beaches for violating the public ugliness ordanance?"
The Great Krass
OOC: JoAnne, grumpily "It gets hard to know when you guys are kidding when you end things in jokes!"
OOC: Krass laughing, "This is a fragging game. Stop trying to take it seriously."
GM: smiling, "To True. The object of a game is to have fun and if you can't laugh at reality or fun then why play? Jokes and Humor are a part of life. Don't take life too serious, you'll never get out alive."
The Great Krass
OOC: JoAnne, "You guys have been playing since 1970? That is hard to believe."
OOC: Ronilion, amused, "You assume it is with all the smae players. Players come and Players go. The 'fat old bearded guy is the oldest. Dr Patterson, has played almost as long. Many of us joined later."
OOC: JoAnne, "Oh."
GM: "The highest count in players was forty three at one time but that gets a little tuff. We were very glad when E-Mail came along. Locally we used to cram people into my house for all weekend sessions. It looked like a hippy-commune. Now we can all be in different parts of the country and still meet regularly. I think that's when I got fatter too."
The Great Krass
Scene: A group of bad guys showed up at our safehouse. I'm trying to make my cyber-spurs a signature weapon, so in the midst of a firefight I drop my SMG and charge the guys 15ft away.
GM: What's your quickness?
Me: 9! That means I can move 27ft a compat phase!
GM : No, it means 27ft a *turn*. You get 11ft this phase. Their action. Funnily enough they're shooting at you.
Me: (Expletive Deleted)
Xander Blade
Vindicator Minigun - 100,000=Y=
Hollowpoint Ammo - 1,000=Y=
GyroMax Harness - 2,000=Y=
Killing Every Drekking Chummer in the room - Priceless
Xander Blade
Scene: Stark and Judas just broke into the room where we're talking to Bubba. (FSA's The Killing Game) This time I'm close enough to get into combat and stop them shooting him, but they're armoured to drek and My spurs keep bouncing off. Judas has just gone down, leaving me facing Judas
Me: I whirl round, palming my shotgun from under my long coat, spin cock it, push into his face and pull the trigger.
GM: Target number 6
Me: What? Point blank range!
GM: He's not gonna stand still, is he?
Me: Ok, Ok. *rolls dice* Crap. Karma burn. *Roll all 10 again* Crap.
GM: You pull the shotgun in a flourish, but the gun goes off prematurely as you spin cock it. Cheap plaster rains down on you. Oh, and now stark stabs you.
Me: (Expletive Deleted)
Xander Blade
Can't I just hit the computer Real Hard?
Tester
"Hey Krass" asked Drassel, "What's the difference between pink and purple?"
Krass smiling, "The grip!"
The Great Krass
"Hey Eon, if you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?"
The Great Krass
Drassel speaking seriously to JoAnne, "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
JoAnne confused, "Huh?"
The Great Krass
On the latest run Krass, Drassel and Assoc. are trying to rescue a rich clients wife. Just as they are about to make the final ambush Krass speaks into their headware communicators. "Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did."
The Great Krass
Eon glaring at Krass, "Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome."
The Great Krass
"You're a mouse studying to be a rat." Ronilion stated bluntly to Krass.
The Great Krass
JoAnne to Drassel as Krass left the office, "There goes the famous good time that was had by all."
The Great Krass
"Where others have hearts, he carries a tumor of rotten principles." stated Luddington to JoAnne as he looked pointedly at Krass.
The Great Krass
"Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told." Eon stated to Krass while raising a diminutive fist.
The Great Krass
Krass speaking to Eon, "Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always sex, money, beer, or Combat Bikers. I just have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask. By the way, how about a date?" He smiles brightly at Eon. "Now you know what I'm thinking about when I look at you."
Luddington drily, "Combat Biking."
The Great Krass
A phone conversation between a runner and her fixer...
(The Fixer) Jouque: Hellu chum!
(The Runner) Blackfox: Not right now Jouque im rather busy.
Jouque: Well its rather important foxy, you see..
Blackfox: No im not interested in buying anymore of your second rate ID's, the last one looked like it came from an artest on the special school bus.
Jouque: But!
Blackfox: No buts...
Jouque: Ok fine then, i'll just inform this nice young gentleman that has a gun pressed to my fragen forehead that your not interested in keeping me in the biz of the living, thank you oh so very much.
Blackfox: ... Ok this better not be a sad call of finacal help.
Wolfspirit
Collector: My new spell is a work of genius!
GM: How so?
Collector: The more times I hit someone with it, the less likely they will resist the next time I target them.
GM: There are no rules for that. It's impossible.
Collector: My new spell is called "Orgasm".
GM: ... That's mean.
Mojo Jojo 42
Boogiepop (OOC): I know your character's weakness. She's afraid of Spiders.
Collector (OOC): How does your character know that?
Boogiepop (OOC): Because I saw her running from the Spider drones in Renraku.
Collector (OOC): ... 2 things. 1: My character was invisible, and 2: EVERYBODY was running from the Spider drones.
Mojo Jojo 42
After an attack by a hitman
Blackfox: My God, I can't belive that such a person could survive that... its like he's ... uh... hmmm... its like he was...
(Interupting) Shadow: The terminator?
Blackfox: Yeah!... and to think I was the geek of the group.
Shadow: A guy has to have a hobby.
Wolfspirit
Drassel is teaching the Art of the Cover-Up at the Shadowrunners School. "Remember class, if at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
The Great Krass
Drassel, with briefcase in hand walks into the office with a slight smile on his face.
Krass looks at his partner and smiles, "Who got screwed this time, lamebrain."
Drassel spoke quietly, "I won the case against Renraku today."
JoAnne looked shocked, "You mean the one where the woman sued them for tripping over a kid that was running around in their lobby? She wasn't even hurt!"
Drassel nodded calmly, "The jury awarded her 8.5 million NuYen, of which our percentage is 82% of the award. They were after all responsible for her safety and they failed miserably."
Krass thinks for a minute, "Wait a minute wasn't it HER kid she tripped over?"
Drassel nodded, "I don't see where that makes any difference at all."
The Great Krass
Ronilion is seeking Drassel and finds him in his office busily working on a case. "It looks like your busy right now, I can come back later."
Drassel looks up, "No need. What's the problem?"
"I was just going to invite you out to McBeast's. So what are you working on?"
"Well techincally I am trying to help a friend of Krass's that got arrested. It is truning into a very interesting case."
"How so?"
"Well, he admits he committed the crime, but his sueing himself, claiming that he violated his own civil rights by getting arrested. He is sueing for five million NuYen and wants UCAS to pay it since he can't have an income in prison."
Ronilion looking shocked, "That's totally absurd!"
Drassel looks pointedly at Ronilion, "Not at all, in law nothing is absurb. Besides, I'm winning." He smiled.
The Great Krass
The Runners are going through UCAS customs and trying to hide their firearms. Most characters have hidden their weapons successfully except...
GM: The customs officer flukes and manages to flick the hidden switch that opens up the machine gun hidden in your cross. Both officers in front of you reach for their guns.
Father Michael (OOC): I draw my permit and hand it to them.
GM: Your permit?
Father Michael (OOC): I'm here on official Vatican business. They would have arranged all my permits before I left.
GM: The customs officers have their guns drawn on you as one of them tentatively reaches forward and takes your permit.
Father Michael: I believe you'll find everything in order officer.
GM: Backing away slightly, he checks the permit. Roll Charisma.
Father Michael (OOC): 38
GM (as Customs Officer): Everything seems to check out. But... uh, don't use it in public.
Father Michael: Don't worry officer. I'll only use it when necessary.
Lenny (trying to mask his aura & hide his illegal gear): Sonova...
Mojo Jojo 42
The PCs have stumbled across an incredibly big, tough, and strong antroform A.I. named D.A.V.E., that can see them even while invisible.
GM: The huge robot stomps forward and grabs Maxine, yelling "Kitty!"
Collector: Try and escape.
GM: You try and fail to escape. It has pinned your arms and has begun stroking your hair.
Baby Shadow: Maxine made a friend.
Collector: Laugh and die.
Boogiepop: Yeah? And what can you do like that?
Collector: Manabolt.
Mojo Jojo 42
The anti-tank-gun totting, surged priest is walking alone through a seemingly deserted mansion.
GM: the trapdoor opens beneath you and you plummet down a long tube.
Father Michael (OOC): I float down safely.
GM: The tube is too narrow for you to use your wings.
Father Michael (OOC): That's why I have "Levitate".
GM: That's right, you're a Shaman. I keep forgetting.
Mojo Jojo 42
Beal whspers sweetnothings in Norms Ear
Nrom(ooc)" OOh formfitting Wasnt made for this"
Norm Al
Nappy loves Silos( a caster), who is, at the moment, Going through his room at Nappys house.
Nappy to Silos "you should stop going through my drawers... and start going through my Drawers."
Norm Al
JoAnne on the intercom to Devlin Krass, "Mr. Krass, the Doctor called and had good news. He found your head up your hoop."
The Great Krass
Eon has come into the office and see's Krass laying on the floor after entertaining a client. "Your Drunk! What kind of example are you setting as head of the company?"
Krass looking blearily at Eon, "Wrong, your never drunk if you can lay on the floor without hanging on."
The Great Krass
Eon is on assignment with Krass and Ronilion. She points to a man drinking heavily at the bar. "Do you see that man over there. He started drinking two years ago when I refused to marry him."
Krass looks at the man then at Eon, "How egotistical of you, even that is not worth so much celebrating."
The Great Krass
Eon is admiring a new and very large feathered hat in the mirror as Krass walks in. Stupidly she asks him how it looks.
Krass looking pointedly at the hat, "Well Pocahantas, if I had a hat like that I would have bought two."
Eon surprised, "Two? You like it that much?"
Krass bluntly, "No. I would have bought one to DREK in and used the other to cover it up!"
The Great Krass
JoAnne has just returned to the office with a puzzled look on her face and spotting Drassel, Eon and Ronilion she walks over. "I just saw the strangest thing. I saw a guy with his head and both hands up the Hoop of a police horse."
Eon dryly, "If it's Krass he has hit a new low."
Drassel, "Or it's just an Amish Mechanic."
The Great Krass
Father Luddington is talking to Eon, "Everyone must believe in something Ms. Eon."
Eon smiling, "I do believe in SOMETHING, Padre, I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't like?" She looked pointedly at Krass.
The Great Krass
A customer has walked in and asked to see Mr Krass. JoAnne thinks he looks young and innocent and whispers do him.
"You don't want to do business here. Mr Krass is the kind of guy that would take sparrows, dip them in peroxide, and sell them as canaries."
The Great Krass
A customer is speaking to Krass and Drassel in Krass's office.
NPC " I am representing a client who is currently in litigation with Lone Star's Chief Prosecuter. Your name was mentioned by him and I wanted to know which side you are taking in this case?"
Drassel, speaking before Krass can put his foot in his mouth, "Whoever pays us to represent their view, of course. What is your client willing to offer?"
NPC: startled, "Aren't you interested in the facts of the case first counsellor?"
Krass, "We are never interested in facts, right or wrong, or ego's. What we are interested in is nice crisp NuYen and Certified Cred Sticks. We are the best firm money CAN buy."
Drassel nodded in complete agreement, "We will accept bearer bonds and stock options as well but the worth will depend on our assessment of your companies future."
The Great Krass
The team was hired to sneak in and assassinate someone staying in the penthouse suite of the Warwick hotel. Raiden had gone in undercover as a Japanese Businessman to try and take the private elevator up to the penthouse.
Raiden: I try and use my passkey on the elevator door.
GM: Your passkey fails to open the door and triggers an alarm that brings rather beefy armed security to the elevator.
Raiden: Look scared and confused and start blithering in Japanese.
At this point, the rest of the group is mounting a rescue party, ready to go in with all guns blazing.
GM: Ok, the guards at each other in confusion but don’t lower their guns. One of them radios the front desk. A short time later, the concierge arrives.
Raiden: Complain in Japanese about my card not opening the elevator door, and the rude security people. Also say that I’m never going to stay in the Westin again.
GM: This is the Warwick.
Raiden grins.
GM: *sigh* The concierge apologizes for the mix up and says the Westin is down the street. He shows you to the door and provides you with a map to the Westin.
Raiden: Apologize for my behavior and thank him for his help.
Team: Spoil sport.
Mojo Jojo 42
Ronilion, Drassel, Eon and Krass are at the stadium getting ready to watch the Seattle Seadogs play. Krass of course has a private box and wants to make an appearence since he is running as Mayor this year. Krass leans over and speaks quietly in Drassel's ear. Without further ado Drassel quickly picks up Eon by surprise and tosses her over the side of the box onto the field. Eon can be heard cursing all the way down.
Krass looking disgusted looks over the box and states calmly. "I said we need to throw out the first PITCH, stupid!"
The Great Krass
Krass has gone to a political fund raiser supper and Drassel is introducing him.
"What can you say about a man who is admired, revered, and loved by everyone? I can start by saying he’s not the man we’re honoring tonight." stated Drassel seriously.
The Great Krass
JoAnne looking disgusted has just arrived back at the office carrying a plain brown bag which she deposits in Krass's refrigerator.
"What was that?' asked Padre Luddington.
"I think Mr. Krass is losing it. He wants to hand out popsicles made of scotch at his next political rally."
"Going after the drunk vote huh? It just might work." stated Luddington gloomily.
The Great Krass
Ronilion pops into the office and asks JoAnee, "Where is Eon?"
JoAnne checks her tracking headware, "Eon is at the Mall. Do you want me to page her?"
Krass pops his head out his office door, "Better not, I heard that Calvin Klein came out with aluminum pantyhose and you know how trendy Eon is."
Ronilion confused, "Aluminum pantyhose? How in the seven hells of Kuryic do you wear aluminum pantyhose?"
Krass laughs, "How in the hell can she wear a shirt? It's another one of those mysterys no one will ever figure out."
The Great Krass
dore te lai ku sti laker tu ghordtho !!!
TALTO
Looks at Luddington, "I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
The Great Krass
NPC: "Are you a lawyer?"
Drassel nods affirmatively.
NPC: "Honest?"
Drassel, "No the usual kind."
Drassel nods affirmatively.
NPC: "Honest?"
Drassel, "No the usual kind."
Eon is introducing her cousin to the group as she has previously warned them to be on thier best behavior, or else. She eyes them suspiciously as she makes the introduction, mostly watching Krass.
"This is my young cousin Lin Chin." Drassel speaks immediately, "We will have no lynchings in here, Thank you."
The Great Krass
The bullet hole in the thin fabric of the space station is rapidly leaking air... and begging to whistle annoyingly
Marcus: "I put H8's hand in the hole"
GM: "Which one?"
MArcus:"The one that fell off."
GM: THUNK. "The finger fits perfectly in the hole!"
H8: (Suddenly paying attention and spitting Doritos) "THATS MY HAND!"
Marcus: "Perfect fit too..."
H8: "I swing at MArcus with my primary hand!"
GM: "Don't even roll... you miss."
H8:"What?"
GM: "Your hand fell off... remember?"
Zahrdoz
"If i've got a problem, I just point my gun at it, and squeeze the trigger, if that doesn't work, I squeeze the trigger again, the only problem being that I run out of clips quickly that way" - some dwarf said that...
Dark One
The scene: a smoky bar in the bad part of town.
The run: meet Mr J and get payment for a successful run.
The problem: Subtle the elven mage sashays up to the bar and insists on reisling. The barman informs Subtle he serves beer, cold beer and whiskey. After being shot at all day, our friend the elf really wants his posh liquor and is very cross when he discovers there is no plonk.
The result: one dead barman, a towering inferno that used to be a bar, Mr Johnson burnt to crisp and the rest of the team nursing third degree burns in the sewer with no money.
What happened to Subtle, who managed to walk out of the bar unscathed? He went to a nightclub, got his drink and phoned us to let us share his joy.
Gremlin
While Subtle was enjoying his reisling and chatting up an asset rich salariwoman, the rest of the team got into a fight with a gang of trolls and orks.
We were hurting after the fire and a tough run so we tried to negotiate. Mr Pig, our orkish street sam, went off for a chat with the gang leader to arrange for us to cross their territory. He returned all smiles and the team went on their merry way.
The snag? We didn't have any nuyen so Mr Pig organised a barter. He figured as we had all had medical treatment before the gang found us, the team had no further use for the medic. So he traded Gremlin for safe passage.
Gremlin
Here we have Gremlin, a female pacifist elf from Tir naNog, with a gang of orks and trolls. The rest of the team led by Mr Pig is legging it out of the sewers. No guns, no magic, no friends and the gangers want to party.
I remind the GM of the salvation package Gremlin always carries. The teams' players fall out of their chairs at the idea Gremlin is going to preach at the gangers.
Then I trigger the pack and flood the tunnel with enough stun gas to knock out a herd of chipped elephants.
Gremlin is fine due to the wonders of bioware. The gangers are out for the count as are the rest of team.
What do I do? Found a manhole, called Docwagon, loaded my teammates (bar Mr Pig) into an ambulance and drove away.
Fortunately for our ork street sam, he woke up before the gangers did and spent the next week running away from extremely annoyed and heavily armed trolls.
Gremlin
The team encountered several half starved and meanwhile cannibalistic
Execs at the entrance to the command bunker, 20 floors below Renraku Arcology.
Carlos(Mage): I cast a barrier.
Will(Rigger) "Ladies and Gentlemen, STOP! We got food for you! But NOONE, I repeat, noone is going to eat ANYONE!"
Tom(Mage/Spy): "I'll get some stuff from the icehouse we just came through, right?"
Ray'n(Wolf Shaman): "What good is that? Three hours min before the frozen stuff's edible."
2 minutes later, as 20 Soy-Burgers were floating and sizzling in front
of a carefully placed Fire Elemental:
Carlos:"Ladies and Gents, see the amazing Carlos and his flying BBQ!"
Samuraiburger
A Street Punk troll is standing toe to toe with an adept dwarf. A fellow runner of the dwarf, a Sam Troll decides to help out. Running at full speed with Mossberg CMDT with burst fire filled with XXP decides to shoot from the hip at the Troll.
He rolls and most are ones. You can hear the Troll state over the explosion of his teammate
ULUL: "Opps"
U_Fester
NPC: "You know people of Mr Krass's caliber don't grow on trees you know."
Eon, "No they usually swing in them!"
The Great Krass
Eon is speaking angrily to Krass, "I'll have you know that I have been asked to get married over 100 times in the past two years!"
Krass drily in response, "Your parents don't count."
The Great Krass
Krass to the Associates in a meeting. "The company has grown enourmously over the past year, and it has to be attributed to my inspired leadership."
Drassel thinking carefully "I don't think a hard-on or penile implant counts as personal growth, Devlin."
Krass, startled, "Why not?"
The Great Krass
When Mr Pig the ork street sam finally got out of the sewers he was spitting mad and vowing revenge. He spent twenty minutes outside the team's base outlining what he was going to do to Gremlin. Mostly it involved shooting her until he ran out of ammo then buying more ammo. He was very clear (and loud) on his intentions for the medic.
Until he got shot in a firefight with the Lonestar patrol who had come to investigate the disturbance.
So there we have Mr Pig, Ork of Chrome, lying bleeding on the doorstep with two very dead Lonestar beside him. Now it was 'Gremlin, be a nice pixie and help me.'
Follow the path of pacificism and you will be rewarded.
Gremlin
IceGuerilla (a crazy mo-fo) is trying to blast open a door to a warehouse with the cheapest explosives possible. He sets the explosives and the timer and runs like hell.
The GM asks IceGuerilla to roll against his demolition skill. He succeeds.
GM:You just realise that the colour code stands for C12, not commercial explosives. You don't just blow open the door, you destroy half the building.
IceGuerilla:I though that a grand(1000) was too much for a kilo.
IceGuerilla
Eon kicks in the door and rolls quickly in firing her Kang machine pistol which clicks futilely. Bullets from the Ares guards are hitting all around heras she ducks behind a desk. Pulling the clip she notes it is empty.
"OK, which one of you bastards stole my bullets?"
The group outside the door tries to laugh quietly.
The Great Krass
Krass confronting a Vampire at Ares Technology, "So you want my blood huh? Well yo can have it if you can get past him!" He points at Drassel.
Vampire unimpressed, "You point at another human with thick glasses who looks like a wimp and I am supposed to be impressed."
Drassel opens a briefcase and hands the Vampire a typed document, "This is an immediate desist order."
Vampire gasps in agony and runs away.
Eon looks on confused, "I've seen it all now. Even a Vampire runs from a blood sucking lawyer."
Drassel nods, "Or the garlic coated paper I just handed him perhaps?"
The Great Krass
Eon with no bullets is pinned down behind a steel and macroplast desk that is rapidly being turned into swiss cheese. She glares back out the door, "A little help here?"
Father Luddington spind past the door and throws his Bible inand continues the spin to the other side. The Bible goes off with a large explosion scattering the Ares guards like ten pins.
Ronilion looks at the priest with interest, "Bible Bombs?"
Krass laughing, "He threw the book at them."
The Great Krass
The Ares guards while knocked around a bit by the bible bomb are still mobile because of some good rolls and really heavy armor. The again start firing while sending for reinforcements.
Eon has managed though to race back out the door while they were getting back up. She yells at them, "Stop shooting! I'm an undercover agent and you're disrupting an investigation!"
Ronilion, as bullets continue to fly, "I don't think they believe you."
Krass drily, "Why don't you tell them we are lighthouse inspectors."
The Great Krass
Krass has again run into the Vampire he met earlier. Drassel is no where in sight.
Vampire: "Now little human. I will drink your blood to satisfy by uholy thirst. Do you have any last words?"
Krass, "How about we both go the the beach and work on the tan?"
The Great Krass
Krass is trying to charm a female Vampire by convincing her that he has just freed her from her evil Master and that she should be grateful when Eon walks in the room and starts to shoot her.
Krass angrily to Eon, "No don't interfere, I've got her right where she wants me."
The Great Krass
Krass arguing with the Vampire, "Oh, please! Vampires have so many weaknesses, you can't help but kill them!"
The Great Krass
Female Vampire (NPC) to Krass who is trying to hit on her.
"I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable."
The Great Krass
Krass to the Vampire, "You don't want me."
Vampire, "Why not?"
Krass, "I've been sexually active for a long time and I don't use protection. Think of it the Vitas, The KAK, and all those other really nice diseases in my blood."
Vampire looks closely at Krass, "You might have a point you don't look to healthy but I haven't fed in a while."
Krass, "How about Chinese Food?"
The Great Krass
Eon to the Lady Vampire, "Krass, where the rubber meets the real."
The Great Krass
OOC: Eon, This is truly disgusting! Even the Vampires don't want Krass."
OOC: GM, You must admit Krass makes a good point. Even a Vampire has some concern in the awakened world about what he eats. Look at it from my side. Would you take a bite out of that? I am sorry to say that his Fast Talk skill will have to prevail here.
The Great Krass
hermetic mage sparky wants to find out why a PC can now astrally perceive. He recently became a ghoul, no-one seeemed to notice.
Sparky "Why can you perceive on the astral realm."
Kane(ghoul) "As I understand it you either can or you can't"
Sparky "But why can you?"
Kane "Why can you?"
Sparky "Because I'm magic."
Sparky has since astrally projected in space and gone insane.
SlapTback
Mack: "I need 20 grenades, my assault rifle and a 1000 rounds of hi ex ammo and a new character sheet. I'm going in."
--SlapTback
--SlapTback
Sparky(hermiatic Mage) was compiling his resurch on mana warps and the effects of outside and extra teresterral influences on the astral plain, he had just finished his incredibley detailed account on an unfortunate astral encounter on board a space station and the terrible effects of a moving body in space and astraly projecting.
"I'm Magic!"
8ball
cant stop long lads...
"places to go people to EAT"
(winks then exits)
Jason(wendigo)
8ball
after a recent "tiff" with another pc sparky the elemental mage wanted to get a bit of revenge on kane for breaking his Y50 wooden staff.
Sparky: ill just set a small fire on his appartment door it should amount to the same cost.
GM: ok what spell what force?
Sparky: Flame Thrower lv 6
GM:...
a few muinets later...
Kane: can any one smell burning?
Damages of Y50,000
8ball
Eon, "If I see another blood sucker it will be too soon."
Drassel walks in the room and Ronilion looks at him dryly. "Does a money sucker qualify?"
The Great Krass
The GM Running an all nighter:
OOC: Drassel: "What's the goal of this next game?"
OOC: Ronilion: "To see who can stay conscious the longest."
OOC: Eon, "If Krass wants to be in the running tell him to lose the booze."
OOC: Krass, "That's inhuman."
The Great Krass
JoAnne on her first real run.
"Awwwww, How cute! I bet you wanna play don't ya boy!? Here Poochie, Poochie, Poochie."
Krass to Drassel, "Are you going to tell her that it's Cerberus?"
Drassel nods negatively, "Nope, are you?"
Krass, "Nope, I want to see what will happen."
JoAnne looking confused, "What's Cerberus?"
The Great Krass
JoAnne is on point.
Krass and Drassel are walking near the end of the group talking.
Krass says to Drassel, "Don't worry. JoAnne's stupid. She won't know we're using her for a Polish Mine Detector."
Drassel, "What's a Polish Mine Detector? By the way, I still resent you giving her my job."
The Great Krass
Rinilion to Drassel, "Hey shyster, can you say a sentence with the word fascinate in it?"
Drassel thinking a moment responded, "Eon has a sweater with ten buttons but her chest is so large she can only fasten eight."
Krass roared with glee.
The Great Krass
© GriffJon
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