GriffJon.com = Journal : December '01

Hah! After complaining last month about the problems with journalperl, I just fixed it to check and see if there's an entry before giving a link to it (unless you click on the 'current month' link, which is an intentional way to get to the "No journal entry here" page). As such, you'll note that I calmly waited until the 2nd to post anything this month. What luxury! (heh) In truth, this will be much more useful while I'm abroad, as most of my journaling will be focused on the travel journal, and I might not even have any entries in my main journal some months.

So, I've been (at least, evidenced by reading back over my entries) in generally a better mood. I've been hanging out more and spending less time huddled in my apartment (I'm sure there's a good correlation there). I've also begun posting my furniture on local Classified sites, and if I don't get any repsonses w/i the week, I'll call up the Austin-American Stuntman (I mean, Statesman) and the Chronicle and pay the monies to get an ad in dead-tree versions. It feels good to be whittling down my worldly goods to an amount I can reasonably pack around. I miss the college days of having everything I needed able to be stuffed in my car (of course, I had no bed (furnished dorm), no kitchen, no furniture...).

PC medical clearance continues apace, with carious interesting experiences. But you'll have to read the travel journal for that stuff. (Note: Yes, I am trying to hype the travel journal, to get people trained to go there, 'cuz come 2 months from now, that's where the fun stuff will be!)

On a more personal-events level, the iron belly muses run of Desdemona is complete, and they through an awesome cast party Friday night-- kept me up 'till 4am or so. I'm much better at parties than I used to be.... And then Saturday night, Random Dance Girl had called me up for a date, we started out at a Puerto Rican folkloric dance production, then dinner, then some salsa dancin'.

It would've been hard for the night to be weirder. The dance performance turned out to be a tiny but good community-based group. We left her truck and hit downtown for dinner and dancin', just in time for some totally unforecast rain. Trapsing from closed restaurant to closed restaurant with a tiny umbrella, we finally found a new bubble-tea/tea/sushi/pacific rim foods place ("Pango"?) on Congress North of 7th. We were treated like kings and had a good quick meal. Finally, we got in to Azucar (which has added House into their mix) and got out salsa groove on and danced 'till they kicked us out.

OK, I guess you had to be there to get the surreality of it all. Despite the amusing situations that followed us around, we had a good time on the floor. Atheists and practicing Catholics can get along (at least, while dancing ;). What's the saying? World peace is a journey of many steps, starting with the left for gents and the right for ladies? Yeah.

So, I've gotta go catch the Austin Journalers meeting (...my last...)

Stats:
Mood: Amused by the Universe
Listening to: Aphex Twin
For Dinner: Green Curry and Edamame from Pango

The reality of my situation is finally setting in. This is no longer some far-distant thing that I talk about at parties and here, it's what I'm doing in 45 days. A month and a half. 45 days from right now, I'll be in Caracas. 46 days, and I'll be settling in to Merida for 6 mos.

Wow.

It's scary, it's exhilarating, it's loneliness, it's freedom, it's my future, as I've sculpted it to my exact likings. I couldn't ask for more, but still, it remains a bit scary. Everything, and everyone, I know, will be a continent away. Will Venezuelan politics remain stable enough? Will PC work out? Will I enjoy working again? Will I find friends?

My mind has been playing nasty tricks on me of late. It's been doing the "happiness, financial stability and (trump card) a relationship are just around the corner here in Austin! You're a regular around town, you know practically everyone once-removed! You've been much more outgoing and successful at parties! You have a potential semi-reliable dance partner! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING, leaving Austin just as all this is happening for you?" Of course, some of this is based in truth, some not. Could I make it as a freelance web designer? Maybe. probably so, if I put all my effort into it. Am I better at parties, do I know lots and lots of people, am I a regular, could Random Dance Girl be a stable dance partner (and were I staying, perhaps more?) Yes. This is all true.

But I can't stay. The best and worst thing about life is that locking on to a situation you like with a vise grip tends to cause it to decay. Friends will move away (many, very soon, in fact). My history of following through with people I meet at parties has never been spectacular (TGI(was)DBNR being the only exception). Most importantly, I'd somehow be less 'me' if I didn't go. Rather, I'd be less of the person I'm creating out of what I am. There's no room for that. Even if the cost ends up being 3 more years of being single for the most part, I think (I hope) it'll be worth that cost in stories and experiences and personal change.

My goal is to return rugged, self-reliant, confident in my abilities, more outgoing, less self-conscious, more physically fit, more inhgerently generous, and with lots and lots of stories.

It's a long list. I have three years to accomplish it. It's why I'm going. I am going.

Stats:
Mood Rejuvenated
Listening to Ella at Flightpath
For Dinner Quiche

Forwarning: I just had two cups of turkish coffee. I'm wired like a mofo. So I'm posting 'cuz I won't sleep for many many hours to come.

This week I've been plowing through many small details of the coming trip. I've completed perl systems that enable me to manage my image galleries totally over a web interface (no need for telnet or ftp) which increases my likelihood to be able to manage them while abroad. I currently can still only manage my journals via telnet or ftp (either one), but maybe I'll fix that, too. Shouldn't be too hard.

I've also been working on car insurance, making sure that gets cancelled, chage-of-addresses for my banks, and setting up an auto-payment for my website.

Lots of things still to do. I still need to find a hotel (an ex-co-worker and fellow south-american tripper has hooked me up with some phone numbers for hotels close to the airport. Still need to find out malaria info. Still need to get Traveller's Checks, pack, party, and sell more stuff. If you'd like a black cloth adjustable office chair, a Weber grill, or various kitchen stuff, email me, yo. I have no couches. I sold them.

Most of my artwork is also going out on tour. People who've lent/given me their artwork have (and have already exercised) dibbs. Crazy.

Tomorrow is the Big Day of Party Planning. After a meeting for pass-off web stuff on my last project, I must go shopping and buy lots of things, then come home and make the first batch of bread and probably a pie or something for the dinner Friday, and do cleaning and whatnot. Heh. On my terminal screen the precious three ands line up vertically. Quite amusing to my caffeine-addled head.

Friday will then be the big huge massive party. It should be interesting. Even more intermixing of different groups of friends. Sadly, one person I really wanted to integrate into another group of friends couldn't make it, but this was the weekend it had to be, so alas.

I'm almost tempted to make a "step-through" NDA agreement and post it on the door, after the interesting events of my last party. Eh. Smacks of effort.

Man, I shouldn't've had that second cup of coffee...

Stats:
Mood: WIreD!
Listening to: Gypsy Kings
For Dinner: Ararat. Yum.

I've been busy all day preparing for tomorrow's big party--baking bread and desert items, cleaning, buying supplies for pizza, etc.

Also, this is a test entry for my webadmin tool to add journal entries. Cross your fingers.I've been busy all day preparing for tomorrow's big party--baking bread and desert items, cleaning, buying supplies for pizza, etc.

Stats:
Mood: Busy
Listening to: Nick Drake
For dinner: Potato soup

Sometimes, the universe is right, and it's incredibly smug about the fact. And it's frustrating.

For example, last night was my big-ass going away party. It was great. Many different phases of the party (Starting with a huuuuge dinner of 17 people with dessert and wine provided by my awesome friends, homemade pizza and bread and more wine by me. The weather (after a rainy week) had cleared up (but is raining again today), cool enough trhat opening a window cooled the room down from too many warmbodies. There was dancing (OK, mostly, me But later we got a few others trying out the salsa), there was mingling, a short jam session, and general party goodness. It wound down early, but changed into a mellow hangin' out that lasted until 4AM or so. No destruction, not even too much of a mess afterwards. Lots of intermingling betwixt different groups of friends.

It made me realize just how much I'll miss all these people. Which is, a lot. I'm a core member of many groups of friends, and the first or second real core member to move far away. Most everyone else will have left Austin by the time I return from the PC. It's understood (generally) that this is an inevitable move. By leaving early I get to miss out on a string of smaller and smaller going-away parties, which as one person put it will be a series of beautiful and increasingly sad parties.

It's time to leave. The demon that will be built of my missing all my friends and my life I'm leaving behind will be conquered by the knowledge that to be the person I want to grow up into, this is a step I must take. "Your life is yours to create" says Dr. Solomon (who I had for Existentialism) in Waking Life

OK, so back to the original line. So, I was hanging with TGI(was)DBNR some last night (We even got some dancing in). If that hadn't ended when it did, it would be much harder for me to leave now. Yeah, so, *grumble* universe wins on that one, and I'm less pissed at it for presenting the situation which happened. One or two more weeks would've been nice, tho.

Mad props to all my friends who came by. I'll miss you all. You know my email, so keep in touch.

Stats:
Mood: Variable
Listening to: Waking Life Soundtrack
For dinner: partyfood leftovers

Good Idea: Packing so as to get all-but-one-buickload of my apartment moved with Dad's truck help Wednesday
Bad Idea: Listening to soulful, searching, pained tango music while packing
Good Idea: Throwing a huge party with all my friends
Bad Idea: Not taking pictures
Good Idea: Saving and packing up old correspondence
Bad Idea: Starting to read it.
Good Idea: Taking decorations off my walls
Bad Idea: Taking decorations off my walls
Good Idea: exploring new things to do with a little leftover pizza sauce
Bad Idea: exploring the fridge after a big party

Stats:
Mood: melancholy
Listening to: Waking Life soundtrack (still)
For dinner: explorations in leftovers

I've had this odd desire to write "FREE" across my forehead ever since the Big Move Wednesday. Everything still in Austin will fit in my car. I am portable, as I haven't been since college. It's crazy and exhilarating, and drives home yet again the reality of the situation. Well, that, and seeing people for the last time in possibly 3 years and/or ever, and realizing it. Yeah, that's the sledgehammer driving the point home.

Oh, the big move. Dad came down with Da' Truck and we packed up everything that wouldn't fit in the Buick (or would make it exclusive to only that) and also loaded the Buick down and caravaned to San Angelo. God, I'm glad I get to miss lowering that speed limit to 55. I mean, it takes 3.25 hours going 80... it'll take almost 5 going 55.

So I'm left (a dotcom pickslipee) typing on an auctioned Agillion.com laptop atop a Garden.com filing cabinet, sitting on a Garden.com ergo chair in my nigh-empty apartment. To my right is a city-pride poster mapping out "Silicon Hills" (stolen from work). I've marked out the guys no longer here. Of course, many of 'em hadn't started when the poster was made, so...

Stats:
Mood: On the brink of everything
Listening to: Love and Rockets / So Alive
For dinner: Random munchies

Reading xmastime journal entries of my friends, it occurs to me that my family is abnormal in its normalcy this time of year. We woke moderately early for breakfast (sausage and toasted orange bread) at a carefully negotiated time between "what, that hour comes in the AM, too?" and "People will be coming for supper by then" to open gifts (as requested, I got money more than stuff, as I don't need stuff!). We then got showered and dressed up, and my Granny, Aunt and Uncle, and a cousin came over to join my Mom and Dad and my older brother (The Columbia film-school graduate) and I for supper (what the meal that occurs near lunch but is the main meal of the day is called in West Texas). With a minimum of kitchen territoriality the meal was given its finishing touches and moved to the table. Standard fare of turkey and dressing with gravy, broccoli, cranberry sauce and various potato dishes. We ate 'till bursting, then retreated for conversation. I hiked out to the dam and up to the top to work off some modicum of the meal, and dessert (mincemeat and pumkpin pies) were nibbled upon all afternoon. It's now nearing the return to explore leftovers for dinner around 7ish or so, and then there's talk of escape for the younger generation (relatively speaking. Those under 45...) to the movies for either Oceans 11 or LOTR. My bro and I saw Vanilla Sky yesterday. Not bad, for a mainstream movie trying to mess with your mind.

No insanities, no arguments, and my niece is finally even getting used to my goatee (funny faces and a good ongoing game of peekaboo always win the day). I almost feel like I'm missing out on some core American experience of "home for the holidays" without any of the drama.

But I get to dive right back in. Upon returning to Austin day-after-tomorrow, I have much planning and bother to do for the trip, cancelling phone and cable, finishing Corps paperwork, forwarding mail, shopping for last-minute clothing and luggage... bah! Too many details!

Stats:
Mood: Sated
Listening to: chitter chatter
For dinner: turkey and dressing!

More testing, adding backend functionality to the journal update code.

Stats:
Mood: hopeful
Listening to: silence
For dinner: leftovers

I've been running crazy around town getting things done, cancelling services, setting up forwarding addresses, packing, storing some things at a friend's house (you're a lifesaver!), and seeing as much of as many people as I can (quite a challenge. I hope I'm doing a good job of it).

I've spent lots of time with FDP'99 (we even made it out dancin' the other night), which has been fun--we haven't had much time to chill and hang out for a while, and won't again for a long while. Life in general continues similarly--lots of happiness but tinges of sadness at the same time, as my date of departure grows near.

It really hasn't hit me very hard (well, the people aspect yes, but the dramatic-life-change, no). I wonder if it will, or if it'll wait 'till I'm in Venezuela? I'm sure it'll hit sometime.

I'm actually writing this on new years eve eve, just after midnight, so it's showing up in January because the box is... wait. There's a serious oops here somewhere, in addition to the minor other one it's revealed that looks like I looped the wrong for-loop (notice how it shows all the months of 2002 now on the main page? That's not right.). Given time at FlightPath in early January, I have lots of things to add to the Journal admin script (image upload, among others), and maybe will bughunt these bugs then. They're not too serious, tho.

Anyway. I'll be out of easy touch over the next few days with moving, New Years, and whatnot. I'll post my resolutions when I get time to.

<Geek> Further investigation reveals a strange oddity. Unix/POSIX command-call from perl (I am not l33t) for (effectively) date +%g (which should give the year less the century, so, 01 or 02) gives me 02, even tho all the other date commands (date +%c , etc.) still are correct and tell me it's 2001. Only when I ask for only the year does it screw up and tell me '02. I could I suppose regex the year out of one of the other formats, or remember to post manually on new years eve eve and new years eve. This probably explains the other bug as well, as it is sure it's december, 2002 right now. Odd.

Further further investigation (and help from an ubergeek friend) reveal at %g gives the ISO standard year, and since most of this week is in 2002, it's 2002! %y is my goal, and has replaced instances of %g.

Stats:
Mood: Cold
Listening To: Ours - sometimes
For Dinner: Party Food

I'm at a new years party with wireless internet. I'm a terrible geek. I'm here with all of my remaining-in-austin belongings are packed in my car for a drive home tomorrow. (My apt. lease expires...in 1 hour...). I'll go to San Angelo, return to apt-sit a friend's apt in early Jan, then fly out on the 19th.

I'll be back in town soon. All these semi-goodbyes are getting painful.

Resolutions

1. To live life like it's my only one.
2. To spread real American good will, one person at a time.
3. To dance like a demon

Happy new year!

Stats:
Mood: FREE
Listening to: Red Mike Mix
For Dinner:Crab/onion sautee

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So, this is my last month in Austin. It looks like it'll be a memorable one...

... Last Call

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